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Few soul connections are as intense as a twin flame partnership. These couples mirror each other—the good and the bad—and the relationship will be rife with important lessons both parties need to learn. But despite their deep connection, some twin flames are simply not meant for each other in this lifetime. In fact, sometimes twin flame relationships can even be toxic.
It’s possible your connection in this lifetime is about the lessons you’ll teach each other, and in the end, you’ll be better off if you go your separate ways. In another lifetime, perhaps you’ll be ready to try again, but this lifetime isn’t meant for you two.
So, how can you know for sure whether you’re supposed to be together? We asked experts to weigh in.
Signs this is the lifetime for you.
“Two flames can be intense and challenging relationships forcing ourselves to face and deal with our unresolved issues,” psychoanalyst Babita Spinelli, L.P., tells mbg. “If we can work through these, it may be possible the relationship will survive long term.”
- You protect each other. “In a true twin flame relationship, there is mutual respect and a focus on nurturing and protecting the other,” Kaiser says. Whether it’s financially, physically, spiritually, or emotionally, “you always have each other’s backs.”
- You’re both willing to do the work. Spinelli notes both individuals need to be willing to and committed to understanding and working through confronting issues and unresolved wounds for this partnership to work.
- There is a purpose to your partnership. A strong twin flame partnership will include feeling called to do something together, such as following through on a dream, fighting for the same cause, or creating something to help the community and world, Kaiser says. “A lasting twin flame partnership will have a clear intention, progress, goals, and dreams for the future, and it becomes about the greater good.”
- You are still individuals together. Rather than becoming codependent or toxic, the twin flame encourages the other’s unique qualities and encourages their individuality, Spinelli says, adding that both individuals want to work together to achieve their goals.
- You feel peace. A twin flame partner will feel like coming home, Kaiser explains, especially when you are stressed. “You can balance each other out and make one another feel better. Their company uplifts you and helps you find balance and peace.”
- You support each other’s healing. In a healthy twin flame relationship, Spinelli notes there’s a focus on reflecting positive energy toward growth and abundance. “They support each other and help each other heal from past traumas but are cognizant of not creating a codependent relationship,” she adds.
- Change is your connector. Kaiser explains that a healthy twin flame will help you make important changes within yourself to help advance yourself into wholeness.
Signs this isn’t the lifetime for you.
Twin flame relationships are meant to help the two people “rapidly advance and grow into a higher level of consciousness,” Kaiser notes—but sometimes one partner will grow faster than the other.
“If this happens,” she explains, “the relationship takes on more of a teacher/student dynamic,” which can put a lot of strain on the overall balance.
Here are some additional signs this isn’t the lifetime for you, according to Kaiser and Spinelli:
- You’ve outgrown each other spiritually or mentally. “A true divine partnership is one of equals, emotionally and spiritually. The relationship can only last if it is based on mutual growth,” Kaiser says.
- You don’t feel secure in the relationship. Perhaps one or both of you is doubting the other, Kaiser says. Or as Spinelli puts it, “the relationship continues to sit in uncertainty.”
- They distance themselves from you. Or maybe you’ve distanced yourself from them. Either way, Kaiser says this isn’t a good sign. She and Spinelli both add this can also look like being on-again, off-again, with breaks “continuing to get longer,” according to Spinelli.
- The relationship has become anxiety-inducing. Rather than feelings of peace, which healthy relationships ought to provide, your partner brings up anxiety for you,” Kaiser says. They also may “keep you in a state of wonder or confusion.”
- Things aren’t improving. A healthy twin flame dynamic will involve growth. But in other cases, “the twin flame continues to bring up past issues, not to work through them but to elicit self-doubt and anxiety,” Spinelli says. This is a sign it may be time to end the relationship.
- They’ve moved on. It can be tough if your twin flame has moved on to someone else, but according to Spinelli and Kaiser, it’s best in this case to let go.
- Your visions for the future aren’t aligned. This is one of the biggest red flags. If you have different visions of the future, how can you expect your lives to line up? Kaiser and Spinelli both note having life goals that don’t match simply won’t work.
Some things to keep in mind.
It can feel particularly challenging to walk away from someone you believe to be your twin flame. But the truth is, some of these partnerships are not meant to last. As with any breakup, Kaiser says it’s important to “take stock and see if the relationship is truly helping you advance in life.”
Spinelli adds that regardless of the twin flame aspect, “it’s important not to ignore the red flags that would be unhealthy signs in any relationship,” like lack of empathy, inability to compromise, emotional manipulation, etc.
Get clear on your feelings within the relationship, Spinelli suggests, asking questions like, How do I feel? What do I want? “We often hold the twin flame’s emotions and lose sight of our own,” she adds.
The bottom line is, while it might feel devastating to end a twin flame relationship, sometimes it’s for the best. Staying in an unhealthy relationship, even if they are your twin flame, is never worth the damage it can cause.