Healing past hurts or emotional wounds has been referred to by a number of names: “inner healing”, “healing of memories” and “soul healing”. Regardless of what you call it, this lesson addresses those hurts, those emotional wounds, that result from events in our lives such as rejection, abandonment, abuse, neglect, violence, insecurity and being embarrassed, shamed, terrorized, scared, manipulated or otherwise controlled. Our concern is with hurts, wounds and pain that remain long after the events that caused them, hurts that have not healed and therefore disrupt people’s lives. Calling such hurts “scars” is inappropriate: A scar indicates healing of a wound, and the tissue of a scar is typically stronger than the tissue around it. Unhealed hurts are open wounds that continue to fester and flare up, causing emotional pain and suffering, sometimes physical discomfort and illness, sometimes even serious disruption.
When dealing with such hurts, it helps greatly to recognize that a spiritual background attends and in fact permeates them. With that recognition, we can both receive and minister healing much more effectively. For one thing, such hurts almost invariably arise from the work of the enemy, the spirit or spirits that oppose YHWH* and the wholeness YHWH intends for all of us to enjoy. Therefore, healing past hurts or emotional wounds typically requires dealing with what the enemy has done. Luke 13:11-16 tells of a woman who had been bent double by “a spirit” until Jesus freed her from her bondage. Jesus attributes her bondage to Satan. The account does not indicate that she suffered a physical injury or illness that Jesus healed or from which he made her well or whole. He freed her from bondage. And the bondage had spiritual roots. Although we are not told that the spirit’s affliction attended a past hurt, that record illustrates some of what healing past hurts is about. And the experience of many Christians who serve Jesus by helping others receive such healing confirms the healing’s power and demonstrates that YHWH, who created us, is also our healer. Although he has made us self-healing, he stands ready to help that process when we need it.
When I see phrases like “let go of”, “move on from” or “get over” the past or hear people talk about having trouble letting go of their past, moving on in their lives or getting over something that’s happened to them, I recognize a need for healing of past hurts. People cannot “let go” of their past, nor should they try. They might be able to “move on”, but the pain of the past remains. And telling people to “get over it” only adds more pain. The pain of past hurts creates a form of bondage. What these folks really need is freedom from the hurts, the psychological wounds, the painful memories, the “broken heart”, the emotional baggage, that interferes with enjoying their lives. The events that produced those hurts and memories may constitute a very small part of people’s past, but the hurts and memories have an inordinate impact on their present. When Jesus heals those past hurts, he transforms the memories, removing the pain. He also enables the person to begin remembering and enjoying the more pleasant memories of the past. I can testify to this from my own experience and the experience of others with whom my wife and I have prayed. Instead of letting go of the past, therefore, I encourage everyone suffering from past hurts to reclaim the past by getting those hurts and the emotional pain healed.
Where do the hurts reside?
When the past hurt or wound addressed in this lesson results from a broken relationship, people often call it a broken heart, no doubt from the physical pain people typically experience in their chest. But hearts do not break, nor do they harbor such hurts or wounds or even the emotional pain. Such hurts reside in our memories and affect the way we think, the choices or decisions we make, the emotions we feel, and inner and outward reactions to other people and what they say, as well as both pleasant and painful events. The people who recorded the Bible referred to the place where such activity occurs with a number of words and phrases, some of which we translate as “heart”, “soul”, “mind”, “spirit”, “innermost being” and “inward parts”. Today, many, if not most, of us who minister in this type of healing refer to that place simply as the soul (psyche in Greek), which generally encompasses what we might call personality or individuality: thoughts, will, memories, and emotions. Even when the hurts have been thoroughly suppressed and no longer infect the conscious memory, they can remain open wounds and affect the quality of our lives.
Why bother with past hurts?
If allowed to remain unhealed, such hurts can lead to many types of problems, some quite serious. For example, psychologists inform us that depression often results from anger that has not been released or resolved. The anger arises from a particular hurt, which for various reasons, the person feeling it is not able or allowed to express constructively but stuffs down inside. Sometimes depression results from fear and anxieties that people suppress and do not discuss, leaving a feeling of hopelessness, what some describe as having no control. In some people that depression can lead to suicide or acts that harm other persons, including close family members. Other people experience what medicine calls psychosomatic illnesses, actual physical illnesses that have psychological roots. Sometimes people with such unhealed hurts withdraw into a shell, while others may exhibit various forms of rage or an inability to relate to others in a healthy way. Some with such hurts inflict on others the same acts that produced the hurts in them, particularly in abuse cases.
From personal experience and that of others, I would say that everyone has past hurts that want healing, some much less serious than others. Everyone can benefit from healing those hurts. To use one woman’s imagery, as we grow up from childhood and suffer various hurts that are not resolved or healed, we are like houses in which the garbage (the unresolved, unhealed hurt) is thrown into the basement and after a few years, the entire house begins to stink. To borrow from Jesus’ image of a person delivered from the spirit which then wanders in waterless places only to return with seven buddies to make the person’s condition worse than it was originally (Matt. 12:43-45, Luke 11:24-26), we are like houses that have broken windows and doors and have begun to decay from abuse and neglect, and the spirits that cause us to miss YHWH’s mark for us are like bums who move in and out of the house, trashing it at will but not always present.
Healing past hurts helps, for example, when a person feels particularly anxious or insecure, becomes addicted, is easily angered or hurt, frequently feels resentful, bitter or depressed, finds it difficult to hold or enjoy a job, or cannot maintain healthy relationships with others. A person should consider healing past hurts when suffering anxiety attacks, autoimmune conditions and similar conditions or diseases. Such conditions often arise when people suppress and do not express the emotions they feel while undergoing negative and painful experiences, whether physical, verbal, or psychological. The normal reaction to such experiences is ‘fight or flight’, to respond aggressively or to escape. Unfortunately, too many victims do neither but merely endure the hurts and ‘stuff’ the emotions into some internal closet. And for some people, when a person does that over a long period, suffering repeated hurts that don’t heal, the body begins to react in harmful ways. Too often, the victim has forgotten the deep, unhealed wound of such accumulated hurts after having gotten away from the source for several years. But the wound remains and festers. And the physical reaction appears later in life and may contribute to serious illnesses, such as autoimmune conditions, some forms of arthritis or cancer. Even a small measure of healing for such past hurts can help when a person suffers from a physical problem that does not have a clearly discernable external, physical cause (and maybe even when it does).
From observing and knowing several people diagnosed with mental illness, I have begun to believe that such illnesses are spiritually related. But not all mental or emotional problems are: some may be caused by injury or physical problems. A spiritually related problem may begin in prior generations, making it a generational problem, or it may develop from things an individual has done. Most past hurts, however, seem to be wounds (not scars) from childhood, perhaps some trauma, some event incorrectly perceived, some unfilled emotional or physical need, or some other cause. Whatever caused them, past hurts typically seem to stunt an individual’s maturity and growth and sometimes even reverse it.
How do we know when healing happens?
A healthy soul is one that is mature, whole, unblemished in YHWH’s eyes. Jesus lives in it, and it lives in Jesus, becoming presentable to YHWH by receiving the sanctification that enables it to see him (see Heb. 12:14-15). In a healthy soul, we see an ability to love unconditionally, understand deeply and act and react appropriately and consistently with YHWH’s word. Healing past hurts or emotional wounds helps a person toward that maturity.
Regular study of the Bible over many years has taught me that YHWH wants us to progress from being totally self-centered, our condition in infancy, to being God- and other-centered, from primary concern for what we want or need to concern for what YHWH wants and others need, becoming true instruments of YHWH’s peace in a troubled and selfish world. That is true maturity, true holiness, real manhood and real womanhood. For too many people, religious rituals and practices focus on self– how to manipulate a higher power to produce a benefit for the supplicant. True Christianity, on the other hand, expects us to leave self behind, while remaining in control of what we do– a remarkable feat that is totally beyond all human ability. That, I believe, is why YHWH gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Now, lest anyone misunderstand, being God- and other-centered does not mean neglecting our own needs. On the contrary, it requires meeting our needs so that we can serve YHWH and others without our needs interfering. In other words, our primary concern should not be ourselves, but we should take care of ourselves. In addition, we must recognize that desires are not needs. To confuse them is a sign that we need greater maturity.
Fundamentals
In the following instructions, I will refer to the person who is praying for another as the prayer minister and the person being prayed for as the prayer subject. When we pray for someone to be healed from past hurts, we are escorting them through an experience with YHWH. The nature of that experience is YHWH’s, so we have to leave the results entirely to him. Maintain high hopes and low expectations. Don’t be discouraged by having an expectation of what will or should happen; don’t miss what YHWH is doing by having a preconceived idea of how the healing should proceed.
It is helpful but not necessary if the prayer minister has experienced healing from a past hurt. But not having experienced such healing should not deter you from helping someone else. Just take an early opportunity to receive it.
The prayer subject must recognize the need for healing and truly desire it. Forcing or urging prayer on someone doesn’t work and may cause harm.
For best results, a prayer subject usually should commit to several prayer sessions, or until the prayer minister senses that the minister’s involvement with that subject is finished or praying with that subject has hit a wall. The prayer subject may not be finished but may need another prayer minister to continue the prayer. There is also a danger that the prayer subject may become dependent or begin fulfilling a social need, rather than focus on healing.
YHWH does the healing. Beware feelings of discouragement: They mean that something personal in you has hooked into the process. such as enmeshment in the prayer subject’s problems, collecting trophies or notching one’s gun, or identification with the prayer subject.
Compassion and objectivity are not mutually exclusive: Beware emotional involvement but also recognize the possibility that some emotion you feel may point to an emotional barrier in the prayer subject or may be a word of knowledge from YHWH.
I prefer healing the soul rather than deliverance. They often have the same results, but healing tends to be more permanent. Broken doors and windows through which ungodly spirits operate are repaired and closed by healing. The basement is cleared of garbage. Deliverance does not necessarily achieve that.
Deliverance may be needed, however, so be prepared, and if it is, ask for YHWH’s anointing, because deliverance is best done under YHWH’s anointing. Since Jesus gave no reason for those who abide in him to fear anything during deliverance, do not be afraid to do it when it is needed. Just try not to alarm or scare the prayer subject. For example, a loud voice adds nothing. I minister deliverance in a soft but firm voice. If the prayer minister knows his authority in Jesus, the oppressing spirits will too, and they must obey when commanded to leave. And the prayer minister need not fear what the spirits will do any more than Jesus and his apostles did.
Do no harm. The person prayed for should feel loved, even if nothing else seems to happen. And we should not be a source of more pain.
Make the Bible your primary source of information. Test every other writing or teaching, including mine, against the scripture, in prayer. What fits, keep; what conflicts, reject; what remains in question, shelve for better understanding and knowledge. Following are some of the scriptures that I find helpful. I offer them in no particular order. Familiarize yourself with them and watch for others as you study the Bible.
Biblical examples of healings in the soul or spirit
Mark 2:1-11 (healing of the paralytic at Jesus’ house)
Luke 13:10-17 (healing of the woman bent by Satan)
John 5:2-9, 14 (healing of the cripple at Bethesda hospital)
John 8:1-11 (woman accused of adultery)
A few of the numerous passages that may help prayer subjects receive healing
Psalm 103:1-5, 8, 10-14 (bless YHWH, oh my soul)
Psalm 139:1-18; Jer 1:4-5 (YHWH is with us from the womb)
Psalm 41:4 (heal my soul for I have sinned)
Psalm 23:3 (he restores my soul)
Joel 2:21-27 (YHWH restores what the locusts have eaten)
1 Pet. 2:24 (by his wounds you were made whole)
Ephesians 6:17 (helmet of salvation [wholeness])
John 5:19 (Jesus does what he sees the Father doing)
Luke 11:9-13; Matt 7:7-12 (YHWH gives good things to them who ask)
Rom. 8:28 (God works good to those who love him)
1 Thes. 5:16-18 (rejoice, pray, give thanks)
John 8:31-32 (truth sets you free)
John 20:22-23 (authority to forgive sins)
Preliminaries
Choose peaceful, quiet, warm, friendly, restful surroundings for prayer sessions. Have comfortable places for everyone to sit. Straight, slightly padded chairs (not reclining) are best. Overly soft, squishy chairs do not support the pelvis and back and cause pain, which distracts. Encourage the prayer subject to get comfortable (discomfort distracts). Have Kleenex at hand and visible, so that the prayer subject feels free to cry.
If at all possible, have someone pray with you. Married couples or male/female teams can pray with men or women. But generally, men should pray with men, and women should pray with women. Pray in the spirit. Several people can be more powerful but also more intimidating. There is no magic in any of this. Follow YHWH’s lead.
Be aware that medications and physical problems can cause certain effects. You may want to explore those, but never, ever tell someone to discontinue medications.
Beginning the session
Before beginning prayer for healing of past hurts, read some of the scriptures that show YHWH intends it. Refer to the list above and any others you like. Personally, I like to start with the portions of Psalms 103 and 139 listed above.
Pray at the start of the session (after the scripture usually). Always ask YHWH to heal and lead to the source of pain or the place where he wants to work. There are no magic words. The key is to follow YHWH’s lead. Jesus said he did what he saw the Father doing (John 5:19).
Interview the prayer subject: get enough information to make sense of what the prayer subject thinks is wrong and what the prayer subject wants prayer for, but don’t counsel or dwell long on past events or hurts. Expressions of understanding and comfort are helpful, but they must come from the heart. Compassion is what’s needed, so ask YHWH for it. Also ask for wisdom and guidance from YHWH, so that he stays in charge.
Prayer subjects should be instructed to experience and should be told specifically not to pray. We will pray for them. Praying focuses the prayer subjects on their own prayer and not on what YHWH is doing. We want them to focus on what he is doing and report that. Folks with control issues may have trouble doing that, but with time and practice, they can learn to do it.
Generally, ask prayer subjects to tell you what they’re experiencing, thinking, imaging, or sensing– any kind of impression, even those that seem like nonsense. Then ask YHWH what it means or where to go from there: If any leading is to be offered to the prayer subject, let it be from words of knowledge or wisdom, but offer them gently, because sometimes the thought you have may be your own, not from YHWH. Even if YHWH did impart it, the person may not accept it: It often helps to tell the prayer subject what you saw or thought and ask if it makes sense or fits somewhere in the prayer subject’s experience or understanding.
During the session
IMPORTANT: Let YHWH do the work and take the responsibility. Let him control. Be as sensitive as possible to what he’s doing and join it. Don’t follow a pattern of any kind. In recent years, all prayer sessions to heal past hurts that I have participated in have been different from beginning to end.
Remember that your only job is to pray and follow where Jesus leads; let him produce the results. You are not collecting trophies, so don’t try to force a healing that you can then chalk up in some kind of tally or report to someone. If you attempt to control the outcome, you will be acting out of your own power and skill, and healing may not occur or something worse may befall the prayer subject. Unless YHWH builds the house, the workers labor in vain (Ps. 127:1).
Following are several suggestions and observations about what to do and what you may encounter during prayer for healing of past hurts:
The prayer subject may recall an unpleasant memory (sometimes these seem unrelated to the problem, but don’t second-guess YHWH). Let the prayer subject immerse and feel the memory (which sometimes doesn’t occur because the memory is so remote in time, or fear or something else creates a barrier). Then ask Jesus to reveal himself in the memory (regardless of how much the person is able to get into it). Because he is with us from the womb, he is part of every memory we have.
Sometimes YHWH prompts me to ask the prayer subject to recall a happy memory and ask Jesus to reveal himself. The happy memory may show Jesus doing or saying the same things as in the unhappy memory. Hebrews tells us that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb. 13:8).
Sometimes it helps to ask what a prayer subject’s earliest memory is (any kind of memory will do, since Jesus, who made wine from water, can make any memory a source of healing). A traumatic event or series of events (especially abuse) can stunt a person’s emotional growth in many areas of the subject’s life at an age when those things occurred and prevent recalling anything before that. YHWH, however, knows all the past and can restore it to the person.
Sometimes prayer subjects have trouble seeing Jesus in a memory, especially if they did not have a healthy relationship with their fathers. Sometimes, a prayer subject may see only the body or only light or may only sense Jesus’ presence. Some can’t do even that. Don’t panic. Jesus is present and always at work. Wait on him a while and ask what’s happening. Give thanks that Jesus is present whether the subject sees him or not.
The prayer subject may see fleeting images. Just follow and see what recurs or seems to begin making sense. What do they mean to the prayer subject? They may mean nothing that day but a great deal the next.
The prayer subject may recall nothing or have no thought. Be ready for the word of knowledge. If you don’t get any or don’t realize you’re getting them, don’t despair. If the prayer subject is willing, lay hands on the subject’s head, hand, arm, or back and pray. If nothing else, YHWH will work through your gentle touch and loving words.
Prayer subjects need help. Ask YHWH how you can help. Don’t panic. You don’t have to know the answers. YHWH knows them. You aren’t perfect and don’t have to be. YHWH is. Relax and enjoy what YHWH is doing.
Try to keep your expectations in check. Don’t try to direct what happens, especially on YHWH’s part. If you are telling Jesus what to do, then it’s not Jesus at all. Sometimes a prayer subject seems stuck, immobile. YHWH has prompted me to suggest the prayer subject do something, like speak to Jesus or reach out to him or go to him.
Over a period of several prayer sessions, the prayer subject may come back to the same memory more than once. No problem. See what YHWH does each time. Let YHWH heal the memory. Something else may be happening at the same time.
I don’t believe in taking someone back to the womb. If YHWH does it without prompting from me, fine; otherwise, I fear manipulation and memory implanting. I don’t want that. I just want Jesus to do it if it’s to happen.
Beware of all manipulating, especially if things seem to be taking an unpleasant or scary turn. If we ask Jesus to lead, he does. This is when it really helps to be able to hear what YHWH is telling you.
You may be prompted by YHWH to declare a person’s sins forgiven. If the prayer subject confessed to God but is still in bondage, the declaration may free the subject, but you may have to do it 3-4 times before the prayer subject actually receives it.
Do not counsel. A prayer minister prays and assists or escorts the prayer subject through the experience of receiving YHWH’s healing. We try to be YHWH’s instrument, so that the prayer subject experiences YHWH’s love, joy, mercy, grace and peace.
Don’t get into psychology. And try to avoid psychological terminology unless the prayer subject uses it and seems comfortable with it. We are not counselors or psychologists. YHWH is the therapist and counselor. We are merely his ministers.
Gods’s Unfailing Love
HEALING OUR WOUNDS –Part One
Not all wounds are visible.
Crash! The sound of two cars colliding at high speed in the street brought me to my feet and out the door. Two badly smashed cars, several people injured, and one bleeding profusely right in front of me. I tore off my shirt and made a compress to stop the bleeding from his head wound. His mother took the compress and held it tight. I proceeded to assess the others, some still in the vehicles. One young man involved in the accident was walking around directing me to the others who might be injured. He seemed unscathed, just as the paramedics arrived he collapsed and was quickly taken care of and transported by ambulance to the hospital.
He had no visible wounds because his were internal.
Sometimes the wounds that you cannot see are the ones that are the most damaging of all.
So it is with soul wounds… injuries to your soul, heart, and/or mind.
What happens when your emotions are torn, there is a hole in your heart, and your thinking and beliefs have been damaged? How can you identify your soul wounds and what must you do to heal from them?
Why Identifying Our Soul Wounds Is So Crucial —
Here are some key thoughts, proven principles about this:
Soul wounds affect how we think, how we feel, and therefore affect how we act and relate. The wounds are at the root of everything in the sense that they affect everything. I heard someone say that a heart early broken will grow back crooked and that crookedness will make us live and relate that way.
We are powerless to change that which we are unaware of, do not understand, or deny.
Soul wounds hold us back I life, in relationships, in loving, in serving or work, and even in our ability to receive love from others.
Soul wounds become walls to protect us from being hurt, but walls don’t keep just one person out. The walls we erect (and they take many forms) keep all people out.
Our protective but destructive behaviors anesthetize, numb, or push down unwanted painful thoughts, feelings, and memories. But, listen! We must feel in order to heal.
How We Can Begin To Identify Our Own Soul Wounds—
Look at your own copes: What do you do to cope? Why? If you were not doing what you are doing to cope (to numb the pain), what might you begin to think about, begin to feel, or remember?
Look at your over reactions or under reactions. When have you over reacted to a situation or person? How about a gross under-reaction? Either may point to an earlier time, event, or person that hurt or threatened us and how we learned to cope in a situation where that “button” gets pushed. The soul or heart (limbic system) does not tell time, so when that same type of wound is opened the soul or heart react the same way. Who made you feel this way before? How old were you? What did you tell yourself as a result of what was happening to you?
Look in the mirror: Who do you dislike? What about them do you dislike the most? What negative quality in other people do you dislike a lot? It could be that you are projecting something about yourself onto others…something you can’t accept in yourself.
Ask Others. I have at times of personal evaluation asked others, “What is it like to experience me?” When honestly answered the results are very revealing though sometimes painful. At one point of burn out I told my wife I had asked my staff that question. She then asked, “When do I get to answer that question?” Sometimes the truth hurts, but truth is necessary to our healing.
Ask God. A great man once asked God this of God: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
Ask Yourself. Where does it hurt? Why? Your wounds may be internal but they still hurt and they still “bleed.” Write it down. Discuss what you are thinking about with someone who can help you identify truth and discern the real issues. You see, the truth is, we are all wounded. So do not be embarrassed at that being the case for you. Safe people are also vulnerable and honest people who are real and authentic and caring rather than judgmental.
What We All Need To Heal Our Wounds —
Part Two, to be released later this week, will address a Ten Part Process of Healing. But for now let me give you a few keys to get started with:
First, no one heals from soul wounds and destructive relationship patterns through counseling alone. I counsel many and it is essential. But people are wounded in relationships and people are healed in relationships, but (LISTEN!) it takes real people in real community in real relationships. Find or create a safe forum of safe people for yourself and for others.
Second, we must experience truth in our soul, truth that identifies and replaces the lies or false beliefs we may unknowingly hold in our hearts. When Jesus of Nazareth said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free,” He wasn’t talking about facts or head knowledge. The word he used from that culture meant to know by experience or to know something in your soul.
A number of years ago Dave, a counselor I was seeing asked me a question. “What are the three deepest hurts in your life?” “Let’s ask God to show you,” he said. And God did.
Dave had me pick one and relive it in my mind, narrating all that had happened. IT involved rage and abuse from someone dear to me but much older. I was a young boy. When I finished, Dave asked, “Do you sense Jesus coming into that room in the scene?” I answered, “Yes.”
“Well,” Dave asked, “What does He do and say?” To my surprise Jesus came over to me, held me close, and said, “I love, you, Bobby.”
There is more, but my life changed that day. The lie I had learned to believe, that I was not loveable, was erased and rep-laced with the truth that I was lovable and deeply loved by God.
I knew the truth (experienced it) and the truth then set me free….
Well there is more to come about healing our wounds. Next time we will look at the 10 or 12 keys to our healing…
Gods’s Unfailing Love
HEALING OUR WOUNDS – Part 2
MYTH: Time heals all wounds.
TRUTH: All wounds take time to heal…and us doing our part.
“God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
God is the healer. We get that. But what is our part? What must you and I do in order for healing to take place? Time does not heal all wounds, but rather will cause untreated wounds to heal crooked especially wounds of the heart.
Let’s take a bird’s eye view of the principles involved in healing our wounds.
You and I have a “chance” meeting in Atlanta Airport while we are waiting for our connecting flights. It’s been a few years since we have seen each other and you have experienced some very serious soul wounds and relational pain. Knowing that I have some experience in helping people find healing you waste no time with small talk. You tell me what has happened and ask me to share about what might be necessary for you to do in order to find healing and a fresh start.
So in the brief time we have between flights I share some key bullet points about the healing process rather than specific answers to your situation:
You must heal from the inside out.
Just as Band-Aids and bandages may be necessary to protect the surface of a wound, so might some patches on your heart wound be necessary to protect your heart while it heals. But in the end the deepest wounds must always heal from the inside out. Covering it up or pretending it’s not there simply will not bring healing, just scars.
You must get real in order to heal.
That means that you must face and identify your wounds accurately. We often need a set of objective “eyes” from someone else to tell us or help us identify accurately what and where the wound really is. We dealt with this in part one extensively so I will not repeat it all here.
You must feel to heal.
Jesus said that “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” The word in the language of His day that is translated “know” did not mean to know intellectually but by experience. The problem is that we all develop protective coping tools that keep us from feeling the pain. That means medicating the pain prevents healing. If you eat to calm your nerves, rage to numb your fears, drink to stop the thoughts, etc. then you short circuit God’s healing process.
Here is a way to address or help someone address protective personalities we develop to protect ourselves:
Goal: To ask God to show us unhealthy methods of the “flesh” or “sin nature” we depend on and transfer our trust to Jesus.
Have the person pray and ask Jesus (God) to be in charge and reveal truth to him or her.
Jesus if there is any part of this person’s “flesh” or “sin nature” that protects him from being hurt or from trusting you? Show him or her what it might be called? (Examples: NUMB, Pleaser, invisible, controller, victim, judge, loser, rescuer, phony, the wall, perfectionist, Pharisee, anger, bully, achiever, etc.)
How does the “flesh” (called ) do its job of protecting you? (Example: I stop feeling)
What is it there for? To protect you from _ (Example: rejection, abandonment).
What would happen if it weren’t there? What does it believe?(Example: If I trust I will be hurt)
How old is it? How old were you when your “flesh” first created this method? (Ask God to show him/her)What happened to you?
Ask the person to pray and tell God that you are an adult now and no longer need _ to protect you, telling Jesus, “I transfer the responsibility to protect me over to You. I trust you to now to protect me from rejection, criticism, etc. (whatever the fears).”
Pray and bind up any demonic influences that have attached themselves to the “flesh” , the wound, the lies, etc.
Exchange false beliefs with truth
The lies we believe become the truths we live by.
The trauma that caused the soul wound is unfortunate, but what the person began to believe about himself or herself is the issue. The lies must be uncovered and replaced with truth…experiential truth.
SOME EXAMPLES OF FALSE BELIEFS:
Say them aloud and circle the top 3 that feel most true:
I don’t need anyone, I can’t trust anyone, I need to be hurt to be loved, If I am not in control bad thins will happen, I am a victim, I am superior to others, If I am vulnerable I will get hurt, I am defective, I am bad — no good, I’ll always fail no matter how hard I try, I am stupid, I am worthless, I cannot cope with life with out chemicals or pornography, I have value when I am needed, I am my flaws, My value is in my appearance, Whatever I do won’t be good enough, I am all alone. None cares, I am responsible for other people’s feelings, problems, & behavior, My worth is based on my performance, My worth is based on my position, If people know me they won’t like me, God doesn’t love me or really care, God won’t be there when I need Him, People will like me only if I am happy, Authority figures will betray me, I don’t deserve to be happy, I can’t change, If I don’t feel I won’t hurt, Asking for help is a sign of weakness, Some sins are not forgivable, People will love and accept me if I am perfect, I will never be successful; Rules don’t apply to me, etc.
What do I do with them? (adapted from Genesis Process)
Ask God to show you the lies you believe (Use a list as an aid and say them aloud. Which feel strongest?)
Ask the person to say the lie in His or her own words…
Ask the person to close their eyes and picture himself or herself alone with Jesus…
Ask the person to say the lie aloud to Jesus (God)… repeat it.
Pray and ask Jesus to speak the truth to this person. (wait as they listen to God).
Ask the person to share what Jesus has shared. (Perhaps you might feel led to ask the person to think of a Scripture that what is true and to think on this truth until the lie feels powerless or untrue.) Pray and ask Jesus if there is anything else He wants to share with this person. Pray and ask Jesus to heal and seal off any wounds, demonic influences, and behaviors that the lie created.
Grieving and leaving.
One way we move forward is to grieve what was taken or lost and leave “it” behind as we live in the present. Often people are never allowed to grieve a loss. Often, people who have had different types of losses such as miscarriages, abortions, abuses, etc. are not even allowed to grieve or talk about the loss. Also less than wise comments like, “Nothing is lost if you know where it is. So stop sorrowing,” or “Be strong and don’t cry,” shut down people in the midst of the healthy process of grief. Grieving takes time and a lot of it. What will you miss? What will you not miss? Sometimes we need to write a letter of goodbye to the person, relationship, or whatever was lost or taken from us. Christians are to grieve but with a hope that there is more good to come in the future.
Choose Your Next Steps Wisely.
Direction determines destination we are told. Where do you want to end up? Then you must choose a path or direction that will lead to that destination. Do the next right thing, but make sure it is the right thing even if it is a hard thing.
Healing takes place best in relationships.
“No one heals from destructive relationship patterns through counseling alone. People are wounded in relationships and people are healed in relationships, but it takes real people in real community in real relationships. If the church does not, will not, or cannot provide this for broken people, then where will they go? ” L. Vernick
Forgiving those who hurt you helps you heal.
I did not say reconciling, but forgiving. Reconciling is dependent upon the perpetrator’s repentance and asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness however, is just between you and God and benefits you. Based on the atonement of Christ the debt was paid in full. Forgiveness examines what is owed to you and cancels the debt. A great weight is then lifted off you and you are set free. How has he or she wounded you? What judgments are you making of that person? Even if correct the judgment seat or right to judge must be given back to God and then the debts owed canceled before God.
Guard Rails and Boundaries are necessary.
Guard rails protect us from going over the edge into harmful territory and danger. Wisdom dictates we establish some guard rails in our lives to keep us from getting hurt due to careless or reckless behavior. For instance, any relationship I have with a woman other than my wife is always with my wife’s permission and involvement as well.
Boundaries are not walls but more like fences over which you can talk. Walls keep people out while boundaries carefully regulate who gets in and what the terms are.
Understand the purpose of woundedness
God is too kind and too wise to ever waste pain. It can be redemptive and help us become more like Christ. What doesn’t kill us makes us better or should. Ask yourself a question: If there were no pain and there were no gain, would we even turn to God at all? I’d like to say yes, but I am not so sure. Suffering is the gift no one wants, but suffering is the refiner’s fire to surface the impurities and to make us more like Christ.
Believe who God says you are
Everyone who finds life in Christ is a new creation…. Stop right there and let that sink in. When a person is given new life through Christ he or she is given a new spirit. We are regenerated. There is a new you. That new you is perfect, righteous, holy, loving, and all the qualities of the character of Christ. You cannot improve upon it nor can you take away from it. It is perfect as God is perfect. You are a saint who sins but you are not a sinner by nature any more.
Reach out and give of yourself
Not long after my father died my mother was sharing with me about what her life was like and how empty it felt without my dad. Without minimizing her pain or loss I suggested she find a way to simply volunteer and do good to others in pain. She became a volunteer at the hospital where my dad had died. She began to build into the lives of other hurting people and with that found healing in her pain… Overcome evil with good….doing good and you will never regret it.
Healing takes time but it also takes each of us choosing to cooperate with God in the healing process. These are just bullet points that I hope will give you a start in the right direction. More could be added I am sure and certainly stated more fully and more clearly.
God is good. He is the One who heals….