You were high school sweethearts, dated all through your college years, and finally tied the knot when the time was right. Or, maybe you knew each other for a short while before deciding that you were the perfect match for each other. Whatever your story was, you are now unfortunately not living youâre happily ever after. What went wrong?
There are many reasons why a marriage fails. Cheating is amongst the most common reasons, and it is perhaps the most difficult to resolve. This is because the loss of trust amongst people is very difficult to restore.
Moreover, a marriage goes downhill when a couple loses respect for each other, does not share the same goals or plans anymore, and simply just grows apart. Of course, there are many more reasons why marriages end and some of them are more complicated and might require professional help.
In most cases, however, it only takes dedication and hard work from you and your partner to save your relationship. As difficult or even impossible as it may sound, you can fix the problems you have and get your life back to normal. As they say, if there is a will, then there is a way!
However, the key here is that both you and your spouse are willing to re-invest in each other and your marriage. The process of repairing a marriage requires effort and commitment from both partners.
This guide will walk you through ten essential steps you need to take to instantly help your marriage and save your relationship as it is falling apart. Read on if you are wondering how to fix a broken marriage.
âď¸ Here are the 10 steps on how to fix a broken marriage âď¸
1. Restore trust
Broken trust is the first issue that must be addressed when it comes to saving a relationship. When you hear about a breach of trust in a marriage, cheating might come to mind straight away. But infidelity is not the only way for trust to be lost in a relationship. Other possibilities include not being there in times of need, being dishonest or withholding information, and constantly not keeping your promises.
If a married couple does not mutually trust each other, their partnership will most likely come to an end. This is why both partners must take serious steps to restore trust and therefore security, safety, and ultimately love in their relationship.
Fortunately, restoring trust is possible, but usually takes a long time and hard work from both partners. The following points summarize what you can do to rebuild the trust that was in your marriage:
- Take full responsibility for your actions. This includes admitting not only your mistakes but also how you hurt your partner. When you openly admit that what you did was wrong, and vow to not do it again, your partner will start to believe in you again.
- Explain your motive. Discuss with your partner what made you act that way. Were you hiding something from them to not hurt them? Explain your motive to your partner and make sure you get it all out for them to regain their trust.
- Apologize and give them the chance to trust you again. A sincere apology goes a long way. This is why you should give one to your partner and also prove to them that you are still the trustworthy person that they fell in love with.
When you do as discussed, you let your partner know that you still care for them and prioritize their relationship. Trying to get them to believe in you again after they have been hurt is a long process, but is essential to saving your relationship.
2. Talk to each other
Effective communication is key when it comes to any successful relationship. If you want to save your marriage from breaking down, it is essential that you always understand and talk with your partner.
In fact, a lot of problems are caused by miscommunication or lack of communication entirely. Some people naturally talk less than others, but for a successful marriage, you must be willing to share your feelings and thoughts with your partner.
To save your marriage you need to take practical steps. Depending on where you are in the relationship, start by asking your partner to talk honestly and sincerely with each other. If you are starting to get annoyed by a certain habit that your partner does, then a quick talk will do. However, if things have been building up for a while, then ask for a long talking session to get everything out and see how you can solve your problems.
Moreover, try to get into the habit of always talking with your partner to avoid any misunderstandings that might occur. If you want to save your marriage, you should make sure that you both open up to each other frequently.
This helps prevent any negative thoughts that might lead to fights or resentment. Talking helps build strength, love, and respect in a relationship, all of which are essential to restoring peace to your marriage.
3. Remember why you got together
Relationships need work and maintenance. The longer you stay in a relationship, the more you get used to each other.
While this may seem like a good thing, married people usually slip into routines that soon become boring and negatively affects their relationship. As a result, the spark in the relationship is often gone.
When you feel disconnected, it helps to remember why you first fell in love with your partner. Start by writing down a list of things that you are grateful for in your partner which highlights their positive qualities. It could be their maturity, openness, or sense of humor.
Every time you get a negative feeling about your spouse, go over your gratitude list. This will help minimize fights and resentment.
Moreover, relive your romantic memories together to remind both of you of the happy times you have shared. For instance, arrange to visit the spot where youâve got engaged or where youâve had your first date. This will help you both remember why you chose each other in the first place and rekindle the love that you had.
4. Spend quality time together
One of the best ways to save a struggling marriage is to spend quality time with your partner as much as possible. This does not mean just being around your spouse, but actually being present physically and emotionally and enjoying your time together.
You do not have to do something out of the ordinary to spend quality time as a married couple. In fact, a movie night can do the trick and get you both cuddling, literally restoring the warmth in the relationship.
Another simple activity you can do together is cooking your favorite meal and enjoy the teamwork that has been put in preparing the dish. There are many activities that you can do to strengthen your relationship and therefore save your marriage. The key is to find something that you both like doing.
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5. Solve financial issues
Financial problems can negatively impact your marriage, so it is best to solve them as soon as you can. Money almost always places stress on an individual, and even more so on a married couple.
To navigate this, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page and share the same financial goals. For example, decide where your savings are going to go, whether it is buying a car, a new place, or traveling somewhere new.
Openly discussing and agreeing on your financial plans as a couple will dramatically decrease financial stress. Another way to manage your money is by setting budgets. Prioritize what you want to spend on and stick to your budgets to help navigate problems between you and your partner.
However, remember that even with proper budgeting and planning, financial problems still occur. Donât let that take away from the happiness in your marriage. Talk together, manage your spending, and set goals together to keep your marriage successful.
6. Be ready to forgive
Every couple goes through their own problems, fights, and disagreements. Learning to forgive each other is essential in saving a failing marriage. In fact, couples who forgive each other enjoy more satisfying and romantic relationships than those who do not easily forgive.
To save your marriage, keep in mind that you need to forgive, forget, and move on. No one is born perfect, and as human beings, we all make mistakes.
If you expect your partner to always be perfect, you will definitely get disappointed. Both partners need to accept this fact and be ready to let go of the small differences between them instead of turning them into fights.
However, that is not to say that you should endure too much from your partner just because you are forgiving. It is also important to explain to your partner when something is bothering you and make sure no red lines are crossed. A healthy relationship requires forgiveness and also respect for each other. Forgiving your partner for the same mistake over and over again might be a red flag that something needs to be addressed.
7. Display your affection
It is important for a married couple to show their affection, love, and care for each other. In fact, it is considered an important way to save a relationship, as it shows that both partners still love and will fight for each other.
Couples who always display their affection share a stronger connection and therefore enjoy a healthier and happier marriage.
This is because showing affection for your spouse fulfills their basic need for important feelings such as security, acceptance, and harmony. There are countless ways to show your partner the affection that they need, including a tight hug, a quick kiss, or even just a phone call to check upon them.
Remember that in order to save your marriage, you and your partner both need to show each other positive emotions. Physically showing your affection releases good hormones which can help bring you and your spouse closer.
8. Do not listen to any external influence
If you want to repair your struggling marriage, then you must shut out any external influences. This means that you should keep your marriage as private as possible and share as few details as possible with others.
Sometimes, out of good intention, you might want to take your best friendâs opinion on a private matter between you and your spouse. While they may give you good advice, they might also see things from their own perspective and heat you against your partner, seeing only the negative side of the equation.
Therefore, it is best to keep your personal problems between yourself. Chances are, your friend or family member does not hold the answer to your problem. Instead, it is best to communicate your issues with your partner directly and come up with a solution. This will minimize the conflicts and make you communicate better with your spouse, which is essential to saving your marriage.
9. Set clear boundaries
Setting clear boundaries in your marriage is a great way to build respect and understanding between you and your spouse. Boundaries are a cornerstone of healthy relationships and help avoid toxicity and dysfunctionality.
The earlier you introduce boundaries in your marriage, the better it is for both of you. For example, do not be afraid to say no, ask for exactly what you want, or sticking up to yourself early in your marriage to get your partner used to that. Similarly, be ready to understand your spouseâs boundaries and accept them as well.
The key is to find the right time to communicate your expectations with your partner. Moreover, you need to choose a tone that is loving but also assertive in discussing the boundaries that would make you comfortable in your relationship.
For instance, if your partner was late to a meeting that you have scheduled, talk to them to show that they have crossed a boundary and that you would not allow or tolerate that kind of behavior.
10.seek marriage counseling
Nowadays, there are professionals who are experienced in couple problems. If you and your partner feel like things are going out of hand, marriage counseling might be the answer you are looking for.
Seeking professional help can be a good option at any point in your relationship. However, the sooner you start your counseling, the better the results. Sometimes, when a marriage deteriorates, the couple stops communicating effectively.
This leads them to fall into vicious cycles of having the same arguments again and again without reaching a solution. In this case, marriage counseling has the potential to offer new and effective solutions and save the relationship.
Marriage therapy offers effective plans based on the coupleâs personalities to help save their relationship. It offers many benefits, such as improving communication, restoring physical intimacy, and providing an opportunity for the couple to heal and rediscover their relationship.
âď¸ Signs of marriage trouble to look out for âď¸
đ
Lack of proper communication
Proper communication is an essential cornerstone for success in any partnership, especially in marriages. If you can not effectively communicate your feelings, thoughts, and ideas to the person you are living with, then that is a red flag that immediately requires your attention.
Lack of communication will slow the growth of your relationship. Not being able to talk freely to your partner can lead to fights, arguments, and misunderstandings. Because there is no mutual understanding between you and your spouse, you always tend to see only the negative aspect of things. This makes it harder to focus on the good side of your partner, which builds a barrier and makes you become distant from each other.
Moreover, long-term relationships where partners do not communicate very well, are much more likely to end. This is because both partners will ultimately feel lonely and misunderstood, and might look for acceptance in another person. Therefore, it is important to improve your communication skills with your partner to keep your relationship steady and healthy.
đ Spending less time together
Time is the most valuable thing we have, and as adults, we have to spend it wisely. In the midst of working, paying the bills, responding to the childrenâs needs, and social events, giving your spouse your undivided attention can be difficult. However, not prioritizing (or enjoying) spending time with your significant other is definitely a warning sign to look out for.
In order for your marriage to thrive, you need to spend quality time with your partner often. Fortunately, there are many ideas for activities that you can enjoy with your spouse to encourage you to spend more time together. Going on a short vacation, eating out, or enrolling in a fitness studio together are all good options.
No matter how you decide to spend your time together, the key is to enjoy each otherâs company. If you go on a 6-hour road trip just to spend your time fighting, or you actually enjoy the trip but do it only once a month, you havenât done much to fix your problem. On the other hand, consistently setting aside as little as 30 minutes of your day to do something that you and your partner both enjoy will strengthen your bond and get you closer. Â Â
đ You are always fighting
Another red sign in any marriage is constantly fighting and bickering with each other. While everyone has their bad days and fights do happen in every marriage, always fighting and disagreeing with your partner is not a good indicator.
Fighting over the same thing can mean that you and your spouse are failing to understand each other and get over your differences. It also means that one or both of you are becoming stubborn and unwilling to reach agreements with your partner.
This greatly hurts your marriage, especially if you are fighting over major issues such as how you spend your money, how you raise the children, or how you treat each other.
Fortunately, most fights can be resolved or avoided. However, you and your significant other need to put more effort into understanding and respecting each other.
Start out by picking a suitable time and place to discuss the issues that are bothering you and see how you can put an end to them. The next time you are about to heat up against your partner, try to remain calm and remember what you have both agreed on.
Moreover, how you handle your fights can also say a lot about your marriage
. If you criticize and stonewall- remain silent and refuse to discuss the issue- your partner, it could mean that you are losing interest in the relationship. Instead, try to understand the root cause of your arguments and solve them in a mature, respectful manner.
đ You are always criticizing each other
Criticism is a habit that destroys marriages. It means belittling your partnerâs thoughts and beliefs, disrespecting their feelings, and making fun of them constantly. Instead of criticism, couples in a healthy marriage explain the way they feel to their partners and make direct requests.
In a healthy marriage, negative comments such as, âHow come you never help me around or do the dishes,â are replaced with clear requests such as, âI do not prefer coming home to a messy place. Can you please help me by putting your dishes in the dishwasher as soon as you are done?â
Another example of how you can not criticize your partner would be like this: âI am upset because you havenât told me about your text message from your ex. We both agreed to be completely honest with each otherâ instead of saying âHow can I ever trust you? You are always hiding things from me.â
However, if you feel like all you are receiving (or giving) is criticism in your marriage, then that is a red sign to watch out for. If you want to get rid of criticism, practice asking your spouse directly for what you want.
đ One of you is either extremely jealous
Jealousy is often a sign of unhealthy relationships. In normal marriages, both partners give each other the space necessary for their relationship to remain comfortable and steady.
However, jealous partners can be exhausting, and being married to an overly jealous person is not easy. Typically, such partners are also possessive, controlling, lack trust in their partners, and question them all the time.
It is important to understand that a degree of jealousy is normal in a relationship. In fact, it might be necessary to keep the relationship safe.
For instance, a wife might feel jealous when she catches her husband laughing with his beautiful coworker, who he sees almost all the time. Her feelings of jealousy stem from her love for her husband and will help her keep an open eye on how things are going with that coworker.
On the other hand, excessive jealousy can easily become toxic and damage your marriage. Instead of one partner constantly smothering and questioning the other, it would do help to try and control this negative emotion.
đ How do I reconnect with my husband? đ
When two people get married, they begin to share a sacred bond. Their love for each other forms the basis of a solid relationship that (should) last a lifetime. However, as time passes, a wife might typically feel as if the spark of her marriage is starting to fade, or that she and her husband are growing apart.
If you have been feeling like your husband is drifting away, or spending too much time at work, then it is time to take matters into your hands. Getting your husband to spend more time with you and to prioritize your relationship is essential for the success of your marriage. Fortunately, it is easy to get your husbandâs attention back and to protect the bond that you share.
Read on to know how to reconnect with your husband on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level.
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⢠Be a loving, supportive wife
Being a loving wife is very important when it comes to reconnecting with your husband. Just as you want a good husband in your relationship, you should also be a good wife in your turn. Being a loving partner does not mean you have to do more work for your significant other or push your limits.
Instead, it implies being a romantic, supportive, and loyal wife to your husband in order for your marriage to thrive.
For you to reconnect with your husband, you must show him that you are his number one supporter. Be it his work career, a new hobby he is learning, or anything else he is trying to pursue, you need to give him your full support. Do not criticize or belittle him, instead, focus on giving him words of encouragement which he will truly appreciate.
Supporting and appreciating your husband should not only happen when he is going through a tough time. Instead, you should always aim to be his biggest fan. This includes celebrating new milestones he is achieving, praising him constantly, and even offering sincere feedback. Doing so will boost his confidence and strengthen your relationship.
⢠Do something new together
⢠Put your phone away
For you to truly reconnect with your significant other, you need to make sure there are no distractions. And in this age, there is no bigger distraction than your personal phone. Think about it, you or your husband are almost always scrolling through your mobile, even when you are together.
Try to implement a policy where you and your husband put your phones away in the house. Or at least, limit your use to urgent matters only. You will notice how much spare time you and your husband have now. Fill this time with fun, entertaining, and exciting activities that will bring you both together.
Putting your phone away around your husband will make him appreciate the respect you are giving him. If he is talking to you and you are checking your phone, even if it is an important e-mail from work, he will definitely feel disrespected.
When you start to give him your full attention, he will feel the difference and make him automatically feel more appreciated and connected to you. Moreover, with your undivided attention to your husband, you may even learn new things about each other.
⢠Cook his favorite meal
The best way to a manâs heart is through his stomach. This age-proof piece of advice will help you reconnect with your husband and show him that you love him. Cooking a good meal for your significant other tells him that you care for him and for his health.
When you cook for your husband, it is not about the recipe, food, or even how you present the meal. Instead, it is about the effort that you have put in preparing a hearty, home-cooked meal for your sweetheart.
You do not have to be an experienced cook, or even spend a lot of time in the kitchen, in order for you to make a delicious dinner. Nowadays, it is easy to look up any recipe online to try and cook.
You can even make cooking a fun family activity to bring you even closer. Try to prepare meals together with your husband. Moreover, make cleaning the kitchen a fun activity by splitting the chores instead of doing it alone.
⥠How do you fix a sexless marriage? âĄ
Lack of sexual activity is a problem that is becoming more and more common among spouses. Still, it is not widely discussed or talked about. However, if you are one of those couples right now, you should definitely try to solve this issue as soon as possible.
Physical contact between a married couple releases oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone that causes a calm sensation. It is released during sexual intercourse and helps reduce pain as well as cortisol, the hormone responsible for stress.
It is important to make sure that you and your husband are enjoying sexual activity often. Even if you are both always tired or busy, you need to make time for yourselves and prioritize your relationship. Read on to know what steps you can do to have more sex with your husband.
â Tell him he is great in bed
In order for both of you to enjoy more sex, you need to keep complimenting and encouraging your husband.
He wants to hear from you that he is the best you ever had and that you always enjoy this time together. Make sure that you tell him how amazing you feel after you are done, and that you cannot wait for more!
â Initiate sexual activity
Especially if you usually donât. Men are often the ones to initiate sexual activity, and they like it when a woman takes control in the bedroom. Surprise your husband by showing him what you can do in the bedroom. It will surely make him run home for more.
Every once in a while, arrange to have a romantic night for you and your husband. Make sure your bedroom is inviting, decluttered, and ready for action. Turn on some candles and add flowers to create a pleasant ambiance in your room, and invite your husband for some sexy alone time.
â Experiment with new things
You can also spice up your sex life simply by going to an adult store. Surprise your husband by bringing new sex toys for both of you to enjoy. Your husband will definitely be thrilled that you are finally spicing up your sex life and also changing up your ordinary routine.
You can also try and experiment with new things with your partner. For example, do not rely on just one or two positions, instead, try new ones every now and then. Moreover, give each other romantically and relaxing massages to help build intimacy.
â Pay attention to how you look
In order for you to bring sexual activity back into your life, you need to make some changes. Think about your appearance, do you need to lose weight or go to the gym to tone up? Also, do you need new make-up or a visit to the hair salon? The better you look, the more confident you become, and the better it is for you and your partner.
Paying attention to how you look can greatly improve your sex life. Treat yourself to a sexy set of lingerie to wear when you are in the mood to seduce your husband. He will love the new look and will want to spend more romantic time with you.
â Signs your marriage is worth saving â
Letâs face it, problems in marriage are inevitable. It doesnât matter if you have been married recently or for 10 years, you are going to face issues with your partner. Some couples fail to reach agreements and get over their problems and decide to end their marriage. Or, they simply might figure out that they are not compatible with each other and that their differences are too big for their relationship to continue.
On the other hand, most couples learn to compromise and go on to have a successful marriage. Their fights and arguments are considered âhealthy,â meaning they learn from them and reach fair conclusions.
Sometimes, it can be tricky to know where your relationship stands. If you are having second thoughts about whether you and your spouse can make it, continue to read this article. Below are some signs to help you decide if your marriage is worth saving or if you are better off without it.
â˝ You are still each otherâs best friend
Remember that most serious relationships begin as friendships. If you and your spouse find yourselves to be each otherâs best friend, that is a good indicator of your marriage. No matter how much you fight together, if you still care, confide, and support each other as friends do, then chances are your marriage is worth saving.
Try to sit together as friends and talk about what is bothering you. Remember all the good days and times you shared, and try to think of ways to re-ignite the spark in your relationship. Settle any issues that you both have in a respectful manner, and remind yourselves of the good moments that you have shared.
â˝ You are always doubting yourself
If the thought of ending your relationship seems terrible to you, then chances are your marriage is still worth fighting for. Normally, when you want to end a relationship, you think âIâm done,â step out of the front door, and never look back. However, if this is not how you feel when you think about ending your marriage, then you need to put more effort to save it.
Usually, people leave terrible relationships without a second thought. However, if you are constantly hesitant about your decision, then maybe your relationship is not that bad. When you donât see that breaking up is your best option, then it means you have valid reasons why you should stay in the relationship. It also probably means that you are feeling somewhat secured, valued, and respected, which are all necessary for any marriage.
â˝ You still enjoy each otherâs company
The third way to know if your marriage is worth saving is if you both still enjoy each otherâs company. No matter how mad you are at your spouse, if they still happen to be your favorite person, your marriage is worth fighting for.
Deep inside you know that you can not imagine spending your time without your significant other. If this is how you catch yourself thinking, then it is a major indicator that your relationship should be saved. It means that what you have with your partner is stronger than the problems you are currently facing.
Try to do fun and exciting things with your spouse to see if this will help you get over your differences. Go on a romantic date or a fun adventure to spend some much-needed quality time alone.
â˝ Some of your problems can be attributed to the children
This is not to say that kids are to blame for your problems. In fact, kids are the fruit of marriage and are a beautiful addition to a family. However, if you and your partner started fighting much more after you had kids, then this is understandable.
When you become parents, it is normal to be stressed and tired all the time. It is even ok to lose some of your intimacy with your significant other for a short time. As new parents, expect a lot of sleepless nights, and therefore mood swings, irritability, and constant arguments with your spouse. Just remember that raising children is not always easy, and be ready to support each other always.
Moreover, you might start to find yourself fighting about what is good for the kids. It is normal to have different opinions on what you think is best for your family. However, if you think that your arguments are getting more severe, then maybe you should seek professional help to help put things back on track.
đ§ Conclusions đ§
Goodbye should not always be the answer. This is true for old as well as new marriages. Nowadays, a lot of couples are choosing to do less work and leave the relationship, instead of trying to improve it. Regardless of the hardships and uncertainties that are currently in your marriage, it is always worth it to try and save your marriage. If you know that both of you are willing to put in enough effort and commitment to each other, it is possible to get your relationship where it was. In fact, you might even learn new things about your partner, which will bring you closer together.
đ¤ Relevant Questions đ¤
Can a broken marriage be repaired?
The short answer is yes; a broken marriage can be repaired. It just requires a lot of effort and hard work from both partners. They need to talk out all their issues and reach fair conclusions. They also need to be honest, sincere, and trustworthy for their relationship to survive. Sometimes, the love between two partners can be greater than any problem that they might face. While it might be difficult to reimagine that a broken marriage can be fixed, chances are, it is possible if both partners are willing to reinvest in the partnership.
Can you save a broken relationship?
A broken relationship can be saved. In fact, sometimes, it is worth it to fight for your relationship. Every person is different, and we do not get along with each other all the time. Arguments are normal, and as a couple, you can easily overcome them.
However, if you find that your differences are too deep, or that you have been greatly hurt by your partner, you need to reevaluate your relationship. Almost all relationships can be saved, however, you do not want to go back into the relationship only to be hurt again. This means you should take your time to see if you want to save your broken relationship. If the answer is yes, then with some effort from you and your partner, you can get your relationship back to normal.
How do you fix a broken marriage alone?
You can try to fix a marriage alone. If you were the one to hurt, betray, or put down your partner, then you alone are enough to fix your marriage. In this case, a sincere and heartfelt apology can go a long way. Show your spouse that you regret your mistake and that you promise to not hurt them
again.
If this is not the case, however, you need to act differently. If you want to fix your marriage alone, you need to ask yourself why your partner is not interested in saving your partnership as well. Sometimes, they might want a sign from you that you are also willing to fight for the marriage. Either way, try to have an honest discussion with your partner to see if your marriage can be saved.
 Is divorce the best answer?
Divorce is not always the best answer. While a lot of couples choose to go through this step, most marriages can be saved if both partners are willing to put in the effort. It also depends on the root cause of the problems that the couple is going through.
For example, most arguments about finances, children, work, or other day-to-day matters can be solved. However, if the differences are bigger, or there are other issues involved like cheating or infidelity, then more intervention might be needed to save the marriage. In this case, counseling might help if both partners are still interested in the relationship.
 How to re-ignite the spark in your relationship?
Sometimes, a relationship loses its spark. While this can be normal, especially in a long-term relationship, it also signals that both partners should do something to reignite the spark in their relationship. Fortunately, there is a lot that can be done to help you and your partner get closer again.
The most important thing to do is spend more time together. And not just be around each other but try to truly connect and enjoy your time together. Turn off your phones to avoid any distractions. If you find that things are still not improving, then you should have an open discussion with your partner to see how you can improve your relationship and why itâs still not going how you would like it to.
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Ruth is a life coach who specialises in finance, relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.
