I’ve coached a ton of women (44,732 and counting) and helped them get out there and attract the man and relationship they’ve always dreamed of. At this point, I’ve seen and heard it all. Here are some of the memorable lessons I’ve learned along the way.
Love is an emotion, and emotions are irrational
Have you ever had a friend dating a total psycho who treated her appallingly? It doesn’t matter how much you tell her she deserves better; she makes excuses for him, mostly because she doesn’t believe she deserves better.
I’ve found it difficult to coach a woman out of a bad relationship like this with a rational approach. The only way to help a woman see the light is to get her to focus on how that man makes her feel.
Geography is not an excuse
I once had a client who told me she was out of options because she’d dated every guy in Manhattan. Do you know how many guys that is? Like, 400k+ single guys! She would literally not be able to make a dent in this list in this lifetime.
It doesn’t matter where you live; it’s all about your mindset. If you have a scarcity mindset, you’ll have a scarcity of options. Conversely, if you have an abundance mindset, you’ll have many options.
Feminine energy is not weak energy
I work with a lot of type-A alpha females who are at the top of their careers, and a common misconception they have is that feminine energy is weak. So what happens? They blaze in on a first date and assume control, take the lead, and there isn’t room for the man to step into his masculine energy.
The problem is that most women are looking to attract a more masculine guy. If this is the case for you, you’ve got to lean into your feminine. This is the dating dance men and women do that builds all that juicy tension and attraction.
FYI: feminine energy is powerful, which is why Little Love Step #1 centers on stepping into it.
We can’t force love to happen, but we can force the behaviors that attract love
Wouldn’t it be great if you could snap your fingers and manifest your dream man at your front door?
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way, and many things in the dating process are out of your control. This is what makes us frustrated.
But instead of focusing on the uncontrollable, focus on what you can control: your behavior.
If you constantly put yourself out there, meet lots of guys, are open, and expand your horizons, you will significantly increase your chances of attracting love. You’re not going to meet Mr. Right on your sofa in that bottle of wine and TV dinner!
Stop focusing on what you want and only focus your energy on what you need
Maybe you’d like to meet a guy who’s 6″4 and makes seven figures a year, and that’s okay. I’m not saying lower your standards, but what I am saying is don’t refuse to date anyone who does not check these boxes because you’re seriously narrowing your options.
Instead of focusing on the things you’d like, focus on the absolute deal breakers. That could be how he treats you, his family values, or his religious background. When you create a clear love vision like this (Little Love Step #2), you open your options.
In my experience, the man you end up with will look nothing like the man you think you’ll end up with!
Physical appearance matters but much less than you think
Sure, some guys only care about legs, boobs, and bums. But generally, men aren’t as superficial as you think they are. It’s not so much about how you look and more about how you think you look.
For example, let’s say you get a makeover and look like a new woman. That night you go out, you find you start attracting loads of guys. But it’s not because of the physical makeover; you feel different about yourself on the inside. Your confidence has sky-rocketed, Men can feel this energy, and it’s sexy.
Online dating works, but it isn’t necessarily fun!
You probably won’t be able to navigate online dating without being sent an unsolicited dick pic or meeting a total creeper. That’s all part of the deal with chatting with strangers online!
But I like to think of it like sifting for gold. You’ve got to go through a lot of dirt and rocks and invest time into the process to get to those golden nuggets.
Chat with enough guys and go on enough meetups, and you will find some amazing men.
Most of our dating challenges come from a lack of options
The only reason someone lacks dating options is that they’re putting in a lack of effort. Get off the sofa, get on out there, and meet some guys! Have fun, flirt, and see what happens.
Rejection only exists if you call it rejection
In life, it’s not so much what happens that matters; it’s how we interpret those events.
A client of mine got dressed up to the nines, got a babysitter in to watch her kids, and went on a first date to meet a guy. She waited in a bar for an hour, and he never showed up. But she chose to share her story with everyone in the Love Accelerator community. She said he must have been so nervous because she’s beautiful, and she understood why he flaked out. She took rejection and reframed it into something empowering. This approach will help you bounce back from any mishaps and keep pursuing love.
Men don’t suck
Women don’t suck, either. Men are frustrating to women because we’re driven by sex. But women tend to be frustrating to men because we don’t understand your emotions. If you can understand the opposite sex, you’ll find that they don’t suck!
Marriage is not an achievement
So many people are in unhappy marriages because they got married to check a box, have a big white wedding, or are afraid of being alone.
I recently got married, and I’m here to tell you that marriage is not the end goal. You want to find focus on finding someone you’re super compatible with. Marriage is not a thing you do; it’s a constant journey that requires time and commitment to thrive.
I’m excited to continue helping more amazing women like you attract love and do it with a proven strategy.
