Because they exhibit some of the same behaviors as typical teenage girls, female narcissists can go unnoticed and be passed off for simply being a “mean girl” — or a grown woman.
It’s often assumed that mean girls grow out of their bad behaviors, however, habits like gossiping, excluding other people, and sabotaging relationships can be more common among females with existing narcissistic traits.
Dominant females who are narcissists are almost as threatening as their male counterparts, but females have a certain protection through stereotypes such as “sweet young girl,” a “nurturing mother,” and the “kind little grandma.”
No one thinks the sweet older woman can be vindictive, menacing, and ruthless.
Nor do people expect mothers to be so self-centered that they are willing to abandon or abuse their own children.
The difference between a female and a male narcissist is that females tend to be in competition with other females for superiority, while male narcissists use their charm and appearance to meet their goals.
The truth is, female narcissists never “grow out” of their childhood behaviors.
Instead, they develop more effective aggressive behaviors in their adult years, using their manipulative traits to employ their selfish agendas and to exploit other people.
How to Deal With a Female Narcissist
There are two types of female narcissists: the vulnerable narcissist and the grandiose narcissist.
Whether you are dealing with a vulnerable narcissist or the more severe grandiose type, you need to recognize where their behaviors are coming from, which is typically a sense of insecurity.
When you are face to face with a narcissist, don’t let yourself get off track. You may lose your sense of purpose when a narcissist tries to take center stage.
But the truth is, you don’t need to pay attention to everything this person does, no matter what she is doing to gain your attention.
Try not to engage or allow yourself to be drawn into passive-aggressive manipulation or outright ugliness. Try to keep your cool, recognizing that you won’t get far by trying to change this person or talk sense into her.
You may have to find a balance between moving forward with your goals and reducing the narcissist’s insecurities, but still, keep your own wellbeing as your top priority.
If you are dealing with a grandiose narcissist, you may want to acknowledge her feelings, but ultimately move on if you can.
This can be hard to do if the female narcissist is a member of your family, but you can create boundaries to help you maintain your dignity and emotional well-being. Just be warned — she may ignore your boundaries and do as she wishes.
Female Narcissists and Relationships
Studies have shown that both partners engage in more vicious behavior when the female in the couple is the narcissistic one.
Men tend to display more anger when they have to interact with a narcissistic partner, but the man’s level of narcissism has no correlation to these behaviors.
This suggests that narcissistic women are more hostile in relationships, which in turn causes their partners to exhibit more hostile and angry behaviors as well during an interaction.
This sets up a pattern of emotionally abusive behaviors that will inevitably destroy the trust and happiness in the relationship.
Why Are Female Narcissists So Cruel?
Cruelty can result from a female narcissist’s dissociation from the situation at hand.
This usually comes out when the narcissist is handling a lot of stress, like when they are engaged in an argument with their partner.
They dissociate with any of the positive feelings that they have toward their partner while they experience the negative feelings.
This is black or white thinking because the narcissist views her partner as being either all good or all bad. She becomes like a toddler having a tantrum, unable to see or feel anything except the tremendous anger or frustration she’s experiencing.
Do you think you might have a woman in your life who is a narcissist? Let’s review the traits of female narcissists so you can know for sure.
27 Of The Most Glaring Traits Of A Female Narcissist.
1. The narcissist feels pleasure from other’s pain.
Female narcissists gain pleasure and joy when they bring other people down. She often makes jabs at people to simply hurt them or make them feel inferior.
She has no empathy when people are talking about serious things or emotions. She also chooses to only provide shallow responses or voices cruel reprimands to invalidate other people’s feelings.
2. A woman narcissist quickly goes from love to hate.
She has a strong ability to first glorify, then devalue and dump her victims without thinking twice. Once she gets what she needs out of a relationship, she is done with it.
Because she is unable to have healthy and fulfilling relationships of her own, she finds it fun to sabotage the relationships of others for her own personal entertainment.
3. The narcissist is extremely competitive with her friends.
In her group of female friends, the narcissist figures out who is a threat and who is just following along with the rest of the group.
Those who threaten the narcissist through their success, appearance, personality, status, or all of the above are targeted for removal, while the obedient people can be kept around until they can no longer benefit the narcissist in any way.
4. The female narcissist pits her friends against each other.
In order to feel superior to the people in her life, the narcissist will pit her friends against each other by saying that they are gossiping about each other when the truth is that her own fabrications are creating tension or conflict within the group.
5. A female narcissist is overly concerned with her appearance.
Female narcissists may be conventionally attractive, but regardless, they use their sexuality to help them get what they want.
Female narcissists put a heavy focus on their physical appearance, and often overestimate their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical attributes.
Because females in today’s society are socialized to objectify themselves, a narcissistic woman uses this social norm to try to assert her power.
6. She is materialistic.
While males are more likely to be focused on making money, female narcissists enjoy spending it.
She usually enjoys treating herself with the most expensive designer clothes, revels in luxuries at the expense of her loved ones, or allows herself be spoiled by a wealthy significant other for whom she hardly has feelings.
Her outward image is more important than her inner reality. Female narcissists may also build their own wealth and use it as evidence of superiority.
7. A female narcissist disregards boundaries.
Female narcissists tend to have a group of admirers, such as exes that stay in the picture or even admirers who tend to lurk in the background.
She will use these people to disregard the boundaries of her relationships and try to make other people jealous.
She often creates love triangles and loves the drama of the conflict and the excessive male attention.
You may ask her to respect your feelings, time, money, or material things, but she will find a way to thwart your boundaries and make you feel bad about setting them.
8. A narcissist expects favorable treatment.
Not only does she seek favorable treatment, but she expects it.
She also believes that people should automatically comply with her.
She assumes that she is special, and therefore deserves fame, wealth, success, and satisfaction, even if that results in a cost to others.
9. Female narcissists are often jealous.
She is often envious, even though she appears to be very confident.
She looks for opportunities to undercut other people, and often buddies up to a friend to discuss how the two of them are superior to others in some way.
10. She thinks everyone is jealous of her.
While she feels jealousy on the inside, she also truly believes that other people are jealous of her, and she uses this excuse to explain her lack of close, intimate friendships.
If her friends are experiencing accomplishments of their own, she will find a way to downplay their achievements.
Female narcissists blame other people for their problems.
They believe they could never make a mistake, so anything that goes wrong must be the fault of someone else.
They never feel ashamed because they believe they can do no wrong.
12. A female narcissist often appears unstable.
Female narcissists typically engage in risky behaviors, have addictive personalities, and are prone to becoming aggressive if and when they are rejected by others.
They are often either very happy or very upset without much of a middle ground, which leads others to think they are unstable.
13. She is overly sensitive to perceived slights.
If she thinks that someone is doubting her or speaking negatively of her, she is quick to react and fight back.
This often happens in a manner that is out of proportion to whatever she thinks someone is saying about her. She will make a huge mountain out of a molehill.
14. The narcissist will never apologize.
Female narcissists believe they can do no wrong, so they are never in a position to offer an apology to someone.
If she does do something wrong, she is quick to blame it on someone else rather than taking responsibility.
15. She has an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Two of the most noticeable signs of female narcissists include their feelings of entitlement and their belief they are more important than the people around them.
They will brag about their accomplishments and fish for compliments from other people.
16. A woman narcissist lacks common courtesy.
A narcissistic woman does not exhibit the socially normal behaviors of courtesy to other people.
She firmly believes that she exists in order to make the world complete, and therefore she sees no reason to acknowledge the needs of others.
Her mere presence is a gift to those around her.
17. The narcissist “punishes” her partner.
When she is in a romantic relationship, female narcissists typically disengage from their partner when they feel like they have been mistreated.
She may use neglect and abandonment to make her partner feel punished. She may also punish her partner by refusing sex.
18. A female narcissist lacks empathy.
She is unwilling to try to understand what other people are feeling and has no remorse for making someone feel inferior in any way.
She never attempts to put herself in another person’s shoes to empathize or understand their point of view because her perspective is the only one that matters.
19. The female narcissist loves to talk about herself.
A narcissistic woman’s favorite topic to discuss is herself. She will often jump into conversations and turn them around to her in some way so she has everyone’s attention.
She is active on social media and tries to gain as many friends or followers as she can.
She relishes in self-promotion and frequently posts selfies while looking picture-perfect.
But never make a negative or amusing comment at this woman’s expense on social media. Her retribution is fierce.
21. A narcissist takes more than they gives.
The friend or lover who once showered you with her love and attention has made a sharp turn and is now a constant taker.
She thinks she deserves everything and could care less if you have nothing. If you complain too much, you’ll find yourself quickly pushed aside.
22. The female narcissist is a drama queen.
Her behavior is unpredictable and her reactions are often excessive. An angry narcissist is able to continuously shock people with her rage and punishing ways towards other people.
She loves to stir the pot and watch other people scramble or react to her dramatic outbursts or behaviors.
23. She is a control freak.
People tend to overuse the word “controlling” when referring to a partner, but once you are in a relationship with a narcissist, “control” takes on a whole new meaning.
A narcissistic woman will not back down until your formerly loud voice is a quiet whimper. It’s her way or the highway.
24. The narcissist loves to manipulate.
Manipulation is fun for narcissists, and female narcissists are masters at using passive-aggressive behaviors to confuse or hurt you.
You may get the silent treatment, be blocked on social media, your texts will go unanswered, or she will leave the house for extended periods of time, all to force you to do what she wants.
25. She is unfaithful in relationships.
She is an unfaithful partner, typically without remorse, and uses gaslighting and deceit directed at her partner.
However, her partner will usually spoil her and is unaware of her extreme disloyalty.
26. A female narcissist is exhausting to be around.
Between her constant demands and her not-so-subtle jabs, being around her is exhausting.
Trying to keep her happy while walking on eggshells in order to not set her off eventually just seems like a draining, neverending chore.
27. The narcissist thinks you are the one with the problem.
She certainly doesn’t realize that she is a narcissist, but if she were to read the traits listed above, she would think that you fit the bill.
The problem is never with her. It’s always with you.
Final Thoughts
When a female in your life has these narcissistic traits, she will negatively impact your self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being.
It may be time to reevaluate her role in your life and cut back on the amount of time you spend with her.
If you are in a relationship with this person, it may be difficult to get out since she needs to be the one to leave, but in order to have a better life for yourself, you need to start taking steps to cut ties.
