Statistically and logically speaking, more often than not, relationships end.
After all, most folks date more people in a lifetime than they marry.
And yes, these endings can be difficult.
But increasingly, people are punctuating their separations with an in-depth conversation — a post-dating ritual we’ve come to know as “closure” — that’s meant to ease the transition.
So, to help you through this final stage, we’ve curated a list of questions to ask an ex.
What Can I Ask My Ex for Closure?
In the not too distant past, when relationships ended, that was it.
The concept of “closure” wasn’t a common and acceptable thing.
People moved on, and that was that.
But things have changed. These days, we better understand the psychological benefits of closure, and many splitting couples indulge in the exercise.
Typically, the process involves a probing conversation, and overwhelmingly, post-breakup questions fall into one of five categories.
Why: If you didn’t want the union to end, uncovering why your ex did is a typical curiosity.
When: If your relationship died a slow death, you’d want to know when things started turning south for your ex and other related questions.
Now: Of course, you want to know a little about your ex’s life post-breakup.
Reflection: This category includes the philosophical and what-if questions related to your partnership.
Reconciliation: Some people wrap up “closure conversations” with amicable questions about the future and remaining platonic parts of each others’ lives.
45 Questions to Ask Your Ex
If the split is amicable, or both parties are mature enough to calmly discuss their disappointments and regrets, “exit interviews” can be enlightening.
To that end, let’s review a few questions to ask after a breakup.
Not all of our queries will apply to every relationship, but hopefully, you’ll find several to use.
1. How Are You Doing?
One of the first questions to ask your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is how they’re doing. It’s polite.
2. Do You Miss Us?
Even if reconciliation isn’t feasible, the answer to this question is helpful. If your ex doesn’t miss the relationship, it may make letting go easier.
3. Why Do You Think We Broke Up?
We all see life through different lenses. This will give another perspective into your relationship.
4. Why Do You Think I Fell Out of Love?
This question could provide insight into how your ex saw you throughout the relationship — which is often different than how we see ourselves.
5. Why Did You Fall Out of Love With Me?
If you ask this question, gird yourself for a difficult answer.
6. If I Changed [Insert Thing], Would We Still Be Together?
Be careful with this one. It can come across as too desperate. But in certain situations, it can be a valuable learning self-reflection question.
7. Do You Still Think About Me?
This question can blossom into a huge ego boost or devolve into an ego destroyer. Use wisely!
8. What Did You Like Best About Our Relationship?
Rehashing good times rarely hurts, and it gives insight into what positives you can bring into your next relationship.
9. What Did You Hate Most About Our Relationship?
Acknowledging the bad is massively beneficial. After all, we learn from our mistakes.
