Someone is using you and taking advantage of your good nature – and you’re finally waking up to it.
And it really stings.
Taking advantage of another person to achieve or accomplish one’s own goal is nothing new in the history of humanity, but it doesn’t hurt the person impacted any less.
Knowing how to spot the signs that someone is using you can help you speak up and prevent it from happening in future relationships.
Common Reasons Someone is Using You
Knowing why someone may use you is not always easy, especially if that person is close to you or your romantic partner.
When someone uses another, it may be for personal, selfish reasons.
Or it could be due to internalized issues or unresolved trauma.
However, it is essential to note that using someone may look entirely different from one situation to the next.
If you feel used by someone you love and trust, it is best to investigate your gut feelings further.
Some of the most common reasons someone may be using you include:
Comfort: They may be comfortable with you, especially if you provide them with food, shelter, love, and support.
Financial reasons: Individuals are highly motivated by financial support and gain.
Sex/love: If someone is lonely or is seeking a physical connection without a mental, emotional, or spiritual connection, they may be more open to using others to get what they desire.
15 Signs You Are Being Used by Someone
Feeling used is never pleasant, especially if it’s someone you know, trust, or even love.
Whenever someone takes advantage of you, you spend unnecessary energy on someone who doesn’t deserve your kindness and willingness to give.
Knowing how to identify and spot signs that someone is using you can help you to stand your ground and to protect yourself if you ever find yourself in the company of someone with malevolent intentions.
1. They Ignore Your Schedule
One of the most common signs someone is using you is that they only spend time with you when it’s convenient for them.
Users will make plans when it works for them without considering your personal life or schedule.
2. They Ask to Borrow Money without Re-Paying
Friends are great for support and can help each other through tough times. However, if someone you know asks for money frequently without any intention of paying it back, they are using you for your money.
3. They Are Self-Centered
When you spend time with someone who takes advantage of you and is comfortable using you, they won’t give a second thought to what is going on in your life.
You’ll notice their narcissistic and self-centered behavior seems to be all about them. They only turn to you when they need something.
4. They Don’t Listen
Have you ever spent time with a friend or a loved one that does not seem to listen to a word you say?
Do you feel they are around you for personal gain – not because they want to be with you?
Trust your gut. Those who don’t listen to others are typically self-serving and will disregard your wants and needs to fulfill their own.
5. Their Love is Conditional
Lifelong friends, romantic partners, and family members should love you unconditionally.
However, if you feel their love is conditional, they take advantage of your good nature and kindness toward them. It’s a one-way relationship.
Signs You Are Being Used By a Friend
Feeling used by a friend can cut deeply, especially if the friend has been using you for years or even decades.
If a friend no longer wants to spend time with you or is only around whenever it is convenient for them, you need to wake up their other actions and behaviors.
Some signs that a friend may be using you might include:
A lack of initiation with plans, texts, or phone calls
Asking for money, rides, and favors with little or no intention of ever repaying you in any way
Not including you when making plans with other friends or similar groups of friends
Avoiding you when you need help or mental and emotional support
Asking to spend time with you only when they need something or when they are feeling especially lonely
Asking you to cover them for meals and outings without acknowledging your help and paying you back. They often conveniently “forget” to bring money.
6. They Play Nice When It’s Convenient
Do you know someone who runs hot and cold, acting like your best friend one day and ignoring you the next?
If you have a friend who only plays nice when it is suitable for them and when they are getting their way, then it’s clear they are more selfish and self-serving than you thought.
7. They Show a Lack of Effort
Friendships and romantic partnerships are two-way streets. To keep a relationship thriving, both people involved must make an effort.
If you know someone who isn’t interested in making an effort when initiating plans, sending texts, or making phone calls, they aren’t as committed to the relationship as you.
Have you ever noticed that someone in your life contacts you only when feeling down or bad about themselves? They are emotional vampires, using you to feel better about themselves.
When someone uses you this way, they seek validation and affirmation to boost their ego. Once they feel better about themselves, they leave you holding their emotional garbage.
9. They Become Increasingly Manipulative
It is not uncommon for users to be highly manipulative but also charming and charismatic.
For this reason, getting caught up in relationships with people who are self-serving and only serve one partner is easy.
Is someone in your life increasingly manipulative, encroaching on your personal space and time, and not respecting boundaries?
It may be time to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship.
10. You Are Only Contacted at Night
While this is most common among romantic partnerships, it can happen in any relationship.
When an individual is calling you or texting you only at night (especially if they are in another committed relationship), they are likely trying to use you for emotional, mental, or sexual support.
Signs You Are Being Used By a Woman
Being used by a woman can be detrimental to anyone’s ego, especially if you are interested in a woman in a romantic way.
However, you can also be used by a woman in a platonic relationship or in your family.
While not everyone is alike, here are a few signs that you might be in a situation where you are being used and taken advantage of by a woman:
She ignores your calls, texts, and attempts at communication unless she needs something for you
She expects something in return when she calls you, spends time with you, or visits with you.
She is not afraid to ask you to purchase her meals, food, and other personal items
There is no spark from her when you are romantically involved, even if you are putting forth your best efforts.
11. They Don’t Introduce You
If you are in a long-term relationship with someone or have known another individual for years as friends, you might expect to meet their family and friends at some point.
If someone you know avoids introducing you to those in their life, it may be a red flag that this person isn’t invested in you.
12. They Break Commitments and Promises
Whenever a friend or a loved one breaks promises and commitments, it can damage the bond and trust you have built with one another.
However, this is a common tactic for users or individuals with narcissistic and manipulative personalities.
13. They Show No Gratitude
Even if you have been friends with an individual who has been a user for decades, they rarely show gratitude. You may often find yourself taken aback by how brazen users can be and how unappreciative they are.
14. They Don’t Respect Personal Boundaries
Whether you are in a romantic or platonic relationship with someone who is using you, they are not likely to respect your boundaries.
Even if you have spelled them out clearly, the user acts surprised (or even irritated) when you point out their offense. They feel entitled to cross the line, believing you’ll let it go.
15. They Lie (Often)
This behavior is the hallmark of a user. Those who use and manipulate others will not think twice about lying directly to your face.
If you suspect your friend or partner is habitually using you and lying to you, it’s time to move on. If there’s no trust, there’s no foundation for a relationship.
Signs You Are Being Used By a Man
Being used in a relationship or by a man with whom you have a platonic relationship, you know how soul-crushing the experience can feel.
However, there are a few signs to look out for that can help you better spot and potentially avoid any man with intentions to use or take advantage of you.
Some of the most common signs that a man is using you include:
Avoidance is common among men who use others for their own personal or financial gain.
He comes around only when lonely or unsatisfied in his current relationship or home life.
He doesn’t introduce you to family members and friends even when you have been dating as an exclusive couple for months or even years.
Asking for financial support or assistance to enhance his own life without ever reciprocating.
What to Do When You Are Being Used by Someone?
If you discover someone is using you, you may feel hurt, betrayed, and even angry. It is completely natural to have strong and painful feelings when someone takes advantage of you and your love and trust.
However, removing yourself from the relationship and situation is best if someone uses you. Keep the following tips in mind once you are familiar with how to know if someone is using you:
Set boundaries: Set personal boundaries and remain as independent as possible when meeting others, whether romantically or platonically.
Learn more upfront: Spend time getting to know people before committing to relationships.
Build support: Build a support group of loved ones and friends that you can trust when breaking away from a user.
Cut contact: In some cases, going cold turkey and cutting all communication is the only way to restart one’s life after being manipulated or used.
Being used never feels good, but it is possible to avoid it by knowing how to spot the tactics of users, manipulators, and narcissists.
The more familiar you are with the behaviors of these people, the less likely you are to fall victim to their tactics.
When you become aware of signs, you can steer clear of those who are self-serving and manipulative without second-guessing or questioning yourself.
