You and your spouse decided to separate — and now your heart is breaking.
After some time apart, you’re desperate to work things out.
It turns out they truly are the love of your life!
Like most people in this situation, you’re wondering: What are the chances of reconciling after separation?
Or maybe you’re curious about the signs of reconciliation after separation and wonder if you might see them in your situation.
So today, we’re examining the possibility of reconciliation after separation and the associated signs.
What are the facts regarding reconciliation after separation?
Hard numbers are difficult to find because couples don’t always go through a legal separation process.
We know that between 40% and 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and about 87% of couples who separate end up going through with marriage dissolution.
At first, those numbers may appear daunting, but 87% isn’t 100%. There is hope.
How do you tell if your wife still loves you after separation?
Are there signs your separated wife wants to reconcile? In a word: yes. We’ll get to the specifics below.
But generally speaking, partners that remain amenable and connected during the separation are more likely to reunite down the line. Forgiveness and depreciation of external stressors also help.
What should you not do during separation?
Many things can sabotage a reunion. Not giving each other enough space, throwing tantrums, and refusing to work on problems that caused the initial separation are all bad moves.
If you have kids, putting them in the middle is the worst thing possible. Some would argue it’s a form of emotional abuse.
What are the stages of separation?
The stages of separation are similar to the ones for addiction: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These may not hold true for every person, but they serve as a general guide to the process.
How do you reconcile during separation?
Reconciliation requires compromise, self-care, and maturity.
Compromise because every successful relationship needs a little give and take; self-care because we cannot be fully productive and present without it; maturity because that’s what’s required to acknowledge and work on personal faults contributing to the animosity.
15 Positive Signs During Separation That Reconciliation Is Likely
We’re not going to sugar-coat things. People are more likely to divorce in the wake of separation. But again, “likely” isn’t the same as “never.”
Some couples do get back together! To that end, let’s look at 15 positive signs that reconciliation may be in your cards.
1. Ongoing Communication
Are you and your estranged spouse on speaking terms or communicating through intermediaries? Are things contentious or friendly? Do you rarely talk, or do you chat at least once a week? The quality and amount of your communications often augur whether you will reconcile.
At first, things are usually fraught. After all, you separated for a reason. However, keeping things civil is a promising sign. If things start to thaw over time, it’s an excellent indication that the relationship could be headed in a positive direction that doesn’t end in divorce.
2. You Both Agree To Counseling
Counseling works wonders for some couples navigating difficult times — and it’s a great sign if you’re both enthusiastic about giving it a shot.
Refusing therapy is a bad sign. Reluctantly participating isn’t great either. But if you can curb apprehensions about sitting down with a counselor and being honest throughout the process, great strides are possible.
Estranged spouses who seek counseling frequently address issues related to infidelity, financial strain, lack of sexual intimacy, and constant bickering.
Therapists can expertly assess your specific situation and provide practical and effective tools to combat these very common problems.
3. You Fondly Reminisce
Do you and your spouse fondly reminisce about good, old times? If so, that’s an excellent sign that you could find yourselves back together. Sometimes, people just need a little time apart to remember what they had. As they say: Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
According to the five-to-one rule, successful unions have five good memories for every bad one. So if positive memories are popping up more frequently than negative ones, you may be on your way to reunification.
Couples who’ve been married longer have more memories from which to pull. That doesn’t mean younger couples will never get back together, but they may have fewer memories.
Social media is a solid barometer to measure an estranged spouse’s interest in getting back together. Clearly, this doesn’t apply to people who aren’t “online,” but it’s a reasonably reliable indicator for those who are.
If your estranged life partner, wife, or husband always leaves positive messages or likes everything you post, their heart is probably still open to you and the possibility of reconnecting.
5. You’re Both Willing to Compromise
Compromising is the “special sauce” in successful relationships. Meeting in the middle is a skill that can help your marriage stand the test of time.
But it’s not always easy. Humans are stubborn by nature, and, like dogs on a bone, we cling to our opinions about how things should be.
But if you’re both willing to bend a bit, that’s an excellent sign you’re well on your way to a happy reunion.
6. You Miss One Another
Sometimes, when we live on top of another person, annoyances elbow their way to center stage. They stand out like neon signs, and we can’t help but notice them.
But when we take a step back, get some space, and reevaluate the situation, we realize that the relationship’s contours are more good than bad.
If you miss each other and can admit such, you’re more likely to find yourselves back in each other’s arms at some point. But before you get there, working on the things you found unbearable before separating is essential.
7. Your Partner Reaches Out for Support
Though you may be trudging through tough times, marriage bonds are strong.
If your partner still reaches out for help and support, it usually means they continue to hold you in high esteem and feel they can count on you — both of which presage the possibility of reconciliation.
8. Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head
Jealousy is one of the glaring signs your separated husband wants you back. Is he annoyed you’re dating again?
Does he make snarky comments on social media when other men pop up in your pictures? These are both signs that he’s jealous.
Now, please don’t read us wrong. Men aren’t the only ones who fling around jealousy. Everyone is capable. But traditionally, males are more likely to hike down the green-eyed path.
Can you not help but spend time together? It’s a super sign you’ll reunite.
Things tend to be more strained in the immediate wake of the breakup, and the thought of seeing each other may turn your stomach. But time is a beautiful healer.
If, after several months, you find yourself spending more time together, hold on to hope that you may reunite instead of divorce.
If kids are in the picture, and you both enjoy getting together for family outings or discussions about your children, you have every reason to be optimistic.
10. Both of You Make Positive Changes
The older we get, the harder it is to change. It’s not impossible to turn over a new leaf, but we get stuck in our ways.
If you and your spouse make a concerted effort to flip the script and work on quirks or faults that may be contributing to marital tensions, you could find yourself reconnected in no time. Sometimes, a tweak is all it takes.
11. You Find Yourself Acting Like a Teenager in Love
Are you concocting reasons to meet up, text, or talk on the phone? When you see their name light up your cell, do butterflies invade your tummy? Do you spend nights on the phone waiting for the other person to fall asleep first?
Are you the first person they turn to for advice — on everything from the best cling wrap (Freeze-Tite Premium, obviously) to work conflicts? If so, the chances of rekindling your romance are sky-high.
12. Flirting Commences
Flirting is fun! And if your estranged husband, life partner, or wife is throwing a proverbial wink and nod your way, it’s a steller sign they’re interested in giving your relationship another shot.
But don’t confuse kindness for flirting. You may find yourself disappointed if you do.
What are some surefire signs that flirting is in the offing?
Intense, passionate eye contact
Suggestive texts
Drunk texting
Frequent touching when you’re together
Excessive compliments
13. Problems Are Solved
Marital problems are solvable. It may not be easy, but almost anything is possible with effort. You can overcome cheating, financial hardship, and changing personalities.
So it follows that if you and your husband, wife, or life partner can resolve what’s eroding your union, then there’s no reason you can’t get back together.
Be careful, though, not to rush things. If you want the relationship to last, it’s vital to genuinely fix the issue instead of slapping a band-aid on the problem. Doing the latter almost always leads to more conflict and emotional pain.
14. Your Spouse Asks Mutual Friends About You
Is your estranged partner constantly inquiring about you? If so, you have reason to hope that things will turn out for the better. After all, they wouldn’t be asking after you if they didn’t still care.
Sometimes, they may even revert to playground behavior and ask mean questions. But again, if they didn’t care, you wouldn’t be on their mind.
Another reason your wife, husband, or life partner may poke around your life is that they want to test the waters and find out if you’d be receptive to their advances.
15. Family Ties Remain Intact
Are you still in contact with their family? Are they still connected to yours? Is everyone hoping you’ll get back together?
If yes, odds are better that you’ll eventually find yourselves living happily under the same roof. Family and close friends have a significant impact on our lives, and for better or worse, we’re heavily influenced by their opinions.
The Average Length of Separation Before Reconciliation
Most people assume the average separation length before reunification is around six to eight months. However, an Ohio State study concludes that the possibility of reconciliation is two years. But understand that it drastically plummets after 24 months.
A separation doesn’t automatically mean the end of a marriage. You can turn things around and find your way back to each other. It takes compromise and the kind of brutally honest self-reflection that propels you toward positive changes.
If you’re determined to make it work, hang in there! The power of love is mighty. Trust in it, and it may just sprinkle you with some healing magic.
