I tiptoed downstairs to the bathroom, careful not to wake my live-in partner. Finally, the unshed tears burst through the dam and I simply sobbed. I was trying SO hard to fix our relationship. All by myself.
Does this sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. The couples I work with continually ask, “My partner refuses to communicate – what do I do with that?” “Can I save this relationship alone?” It’s so painful to be the one who is always pursuing – asking to talk about the relationship, suggesting romantic dates, even begging for attention and wondering if your partner loves you at all.
Now I have a sensitive question to ask you about the story in your head that insists “my partner doesn’t love me or care about our relationship”. Are you certain it is true?
We are all story making machines. The negativity bias is the tendency of the mind to search for what is wrong or missing while ignoring the positive. While this is a great skill when you are an African safari guide navigating a deadly environment it can create an unrealistically negative perspective about something as complex as your love relationship. So when tackling this painful topic, it’s important to realize your mind (and heart) may need some help seeing the big picture.
I talk here about why your partner may be avoiding relationship work and what to do about it. Heads up – the answers might surprise you.
