Ask anyone if love is complex; there is a good chance they will answer “yes” or “sometimes.”
Part of love’s complexities stems from the fact that it can be difficult when the one you love doesn’t feel the same way. Or even if they do, your relationship doesn’t take off the way you expected it to.
Nonetheless, love can complicate life. It adopts various forms, and you might not instantly recognize what sort of love you are feeling.
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Interpreting your feelings and figuring out which kind of love you feel is not an easy task.
It’s a topic favored by many poets, philosophers, writers, and scientists for generations. But, unfortunately, different groups and people often are confused about its definition.
While many people agree that love infers strong feelings of affection, there are many differences about its precise definition. And one human’s “I love you” might mean something quite the opposite to another’s.
💟 Here are a few definitions of love 💟
➸ A readiness to prioritize someone else’s well-being and happiness over their own
➸ Extreme feelings of affection, attachment, and need
➸ Dramatic and sudden feelings of respect and attraction
➸ A fleeting emotion of love, care, and like
➸ A choice to commit to respect, help, and care for one another, such as having kids and in marriage
➸ A combination of the above emotions
So, being in love usually refers to intense feelings that spark at the beginning of a relationship. These feelings include:
Excitement and nervousness
Infatuation
Sexual attraction and lust
Happiness
❣ Differences Between Lust, Infatuation, And Love ❣
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We are residing in a society obsessed with the concept of falling in love or being in love. So it is essential to know the difference between love, infatuation, and lust.
To help you understand the three properly, we have explained everything in detail below.
➽ Lust Is Not Love
Lust is defined as a deep physical desire for someone. With that being said, looking for an attractive person does not mean that you love that person. And its not good for your mental health even.
So, when someone says that it was love at first sight, it usually means lust at first sight.
Even though most people won’t admit it, sexual attraction is usually the critical trigger that makes someone interact with the other person.
In all honesty, using the phrase love at first is basically a euphemism to illustrate the feeling of wanting to mate with that particular person. And we are usually physically attracted to that person.
Nevertheless, listing physical attraction as the base of a romantic relationship doesn’t appear as nice as love at first sight. Factually the word “lust” is usually frowned upon when compared with the word “love.”
Let’s take the example of Romeo and Juliet. When Romeo saw Juliet for the very first time, he didn’t fall for her. Instead, young Romeo saw a cute girl, and he had the urge to talk to her.
What about Juliet?
She also saw a cute guy and liked the idea of him marrying her. We don’t have another way to explain it.
Now let’s picture that they didn’t find each other attractive at first. So their historical love story would not have been written.
So, finding each other attractive is essential for love. But at times it can be lust instead of love.
➽ Infatuation Is Dangerous
Infatuation is another intense feeling of being attracted to the other person. But it’s a tad bit complicated than lust. The latter is primarily physical, whereas the former alter an individual’s perception of reality.
An infatuated person visualizes their object of desire with a filter. In simpler words, they like the idea and not the person.
At times a fantasy can become an obsession as well. This is where infatuation becomes very dangerous. Falling in love with the idea is more accessible than actually dealing with the real person. Infatuation is not absolute to one-sided love.
In reality, what many couples feel in the beginning is infatuation and not love.
In most ways, infatuation is similar to the pill that Romeo consumed at the party. But, fundamentally, it changed his reality and perception of Juliet. He still liked her, but the influence of the pill made him desire her more.
This is precisely what infatuation does to a person feeling it. It makes them run after a fantasy. But sooner or later, they are hit by reality. That is why most people have a hard time staying together after the honeymoon phase is over.
➽ Love Is Not Blind
Unlike lust and infatuation, love is looking at someone and seeing them for who they are. It does not depend on a fantasy. It’s accepting the other person for their flaws and qualities.
So, contrary to the famous saying, love is not blind. People usually assume it when they think they are falling in love.
If infatuation and love are turbulent feelings, then love is entirely the opposite. Love’s groundwork is based on possessing an emotional association with your person. Thus, love is a calm and warm sea that nourishes a person inside out.
Watch this video and know if he truly loves you and make him want you more!
📔 Different Theories Of Love 📔
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Love is a common human emotion. But contemplating how and why it happens is not simple.
In fact, for a long period, scientists believed that love was something that science couldn’t understand.
But don’t worry, we can still understand the meaning of love. We will be explaining the concept of love with the help of 4 theories:
1) Likes Vs. Love
Zick Rubin, a psychologist, explains that romantic love has three elements. Namely attachment, caring, and intimacy.
Attachment is the urge to get attention and physical contact from others.
Caring is the ability to respect and give happiness to others.
Intimacy refers to the capacity to share thoughts, feelings, and desires with others.
Based on the above definitions, Rubin created the scales of loving and liking. This scale shows whether one loves someone or not. The psychologist also conducted a study where he asked respondents to fill the scale based on how they feel about their friends and family.
The results revealed that feelings for a friend have a higher score on the scale of feelings and love than the love for someone.
Love is a very concrete concept. It can’t be measured. But Rubin’s scales of feelings and love provide a possible solution to measure complicated feelings of love.
2) Passion Vs. Love
Elaine Hatfield, a psychology professor working at the University of Hawaii, states two basic kinds of love. These are passionate love and love affection.
Love affection is a mutual engagement, respect, trust, and care. Affection mainly grows out of feelings of shared understanding and respect for one another.
While love has its basis on passion, it is labeled by intense emotions, anxiety, sexual attraction, and affection. When love is reciprocated, people feel happy and excited. But if love is not reciprocated, it results in sadness, discouragement, and desperation.
Hatfield says that passionate love is structured on the ephemeral, as subjective physiological functions in people.
For example, you feel happy when you are in front of a handsome man or beautiful lady. According to the professor, love is a relationship that consists of comfort and passion. So the relationship between two people lasts longer and doesn’t end up in a break up or divorce.
3) Color Wheel Theory of Love
John Lee, in his famous book “Klassik The Colors of Love”, explained the analogy of love. His theory is an abstract illustration of the connections between primary, secondary, and complementary colors.
Just like the three primary colors, Lee iterates that there are three basic types of love. These three types of love are Storge, Eros, and Ludos.
Eros is when you love someone who is your ideal. Ludos considers love as a game, whereas storge portrays love as a friendship.
Here is his combination of love:
Mania
(Eros + Ludos) is obsessive love
Pragma
(Ludos + Storge) is realistic and practical love
Agape
(Eros + Storge) is unconditional love
4. Triangular Theory of Love
You must be imagining a love triangle after reading this heading. It’s not that.
Instead, these are the three components of love stated by Robert Sternberg. According to him, there are three components of love which are passion, intimacy, and commitment.
Intimacy – It consists of attachment, connection, and closeness, etc.
Passion – It covers both sexual attraction and romantic love.
Commitment – It’s the choice to stay friends for a more extended period.
Various combinations of these three components give multiple kinds of love.
For instance, the combination of commitment and intimacy gives passionate love. At the same time, the combination of intimacy and passion result in passionate love.
Sternberg gives the name of perfect love to explain the combination of passion, intimacy, and commitment. Relationships tend to succeed more if they are based on Sternberg’s combination.
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Social media has confused many people with couple goals pictures appearing everywhere. One thing that social media can do is tell if you love someone. Some clear signs will tell you that you have feelings for someone. It can even be love.
So let’s head on over and see what these signs are:
1) You’re Happy And A Little Bit Nervous
When you love someone, you become genuinely happy. It’s like you get that natural high. The idea of spending time with that special someone excites you. And you look at the dozens of selfies you have taken together. Thus, putting a cheesy beam on your face.
But being in love also makes you a tad bit nervous. You are concerned about what the future holds. Because you know that you want this special relationship to last forever.
Many people compare their love to something they can’t lose or let it pass by them. Yet, the ambiguity of its mysterious outcome is thrilling.
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2) Everything Feels Exciting And New
When you love someone, you get excited to do stuff you have done a million times already. But, this time, it’s different because you are doing it with that special someone.
When you are watching a romantic movie, they are the first ones that pop into your mind. You think of them even when you are planning to visit the nearest fast food restaurant.
You are even willing to sit through a long sports game just because it lets you spend some quality time with them.
Affection sparks a different change in everyone. When you love someone, the foundation of your perception changes. It’s like being excited and really awake.
You have finally found someone who makes you feel intriguing and new things. It happens even when you are sitting on the couch and watching TV. And just the thought gives you butterflies in your tummy. And you can’t think of another person.
3) Your Relationship Feels Easy
Being with someone you affection isn’t difficult. You don’t have to put some effort to take out time and spend it with your bae. Since you really want to be with your partner, you take out time conveniently.
Even when you argue, it doesn’t seem so intense like it used to in your previous relationships.
While every couple bickers and argues, when you are in love, your priority becomes your relationship. You put your ego and pride aside. You are not concerned about being the one to give in or lose the argument.
This is because you can’t imagine a life without them and are willing to do anything to save your relationship.
A single day apart feels like forever. Thinking of another person is not even a question. res
4) This Person Is On Your Mind All The Time
When you have affection for someone, they are always at the back of your mind. You may get a sudden thought to give them a call because you miss them.
Or you may go into a clothing store to buy something for yourself, but end up buying something for your special someone too.
Clinical psychologist believe that love is very determined. When you like someone, you can brush away the thought and continue your day as usual.
But when you love someone, that person stays on your mind all the time, and it does not get overwhelming. Of course, you are mentally, physically, and emotionally impacted all the time. But, it’s a secure and calm reality that you constantly crave.
5) You Get Just A Little Jealous
A little jealousy is very natural. It becomes dangerous when you begin obsessing over what your loved one is doing. You may start looking through their phone when they are not around.
Note that this is toxic and might result in an unhealthy relationship according to the clinical psychologist. If you feel that you are stepping over the boundary, stop yourself immediately. Otherwise, you will end up losing something magical.
Loving someone means that you are attracted to them. So it’s pretty natural you have the urge to be all over them at all times. Whether it’s cuddling or simply just holding hands, you want to show your affection for them.
But if you are repulsed by them, then you should think about it. It may not be affection.
7) You want to introduce them to your friends and family.
When you are fully involved in your relationship, you want to include your partner in all parts of your life. You want to tell your family and friends about them and introduce them.
This is because you are willing to do anything to show your partner how serious you are about them. And obviously, you want your relationship to last.
8) You Begin Feeling Empathy Towards Your Partner
Additionally, you begin seeing your partner as an extension of yourself.
For instance, when they feel nervous, hurt, or excited about something, you feel the same way. Let’s say they got accepted into a new school or got a new job. You feel the same rush of excitement and happiness. You may even feel more. And you feel proud of your partner.
Also, when you feel empathy towards your partner, you are willing to make small sacrifices for them. Like you get up and go to the store to get some medicine when your partner falls ill.
Tiny gestures like these become easier to do when you have affection for the person truly.
9) You’re Becoming A Better Person
You know you are affectionate about someone when being with your other half makes you want to improve yourself. Whether it’s picking new goals or having a positive attitude, your partner pushes you to become a better version of yourself.
And there is nothing negative about that.
If your loved one is not building you up, look somewhere else for love. Because when two people are affectionate and care about each other, they build each other up. If you don’t have this, then it means what you have is not right.
Work towards building a stable life together rather than just falling in love. That’s the recipe for a successful and long-lasting relationship and life.
10) You Start Planning For The Future
Lastly, when you fall in love with someone, you don’t plan on letting them go.
So, you start to add them to all your future plans. Whether you’re figuring out where to live or going on a vacation, your partner is there in everything.
You think of your partner when you make big decisions in life because you want to experience everything with them.
When you have affection, your special someone becomes a constant plus one in your life.
✏️ Conclusions ✏️
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Affection and attraction changes and grows over time. People have their own ways of falling in love and showing feeling.
Any type of emotional commitment can complete the human need for connection. But you have to make an effort to keep it alive.
We hope that our article helped answer your question, how do you know you love someone.
So, if you are sure that you have affection for someone after reading our article, now it’s time to work towards making it last longer. Hence, put in all your effort and affection to fight for what’s yours.
We hope you have a happy and prosperous life ahead with the one you are affectionate about.
📌 Relevant Questions 📌
Q: What does real love feel like?
A: True love feels like stability and security. You won’t have to stress over breaking up or your person suddenly leaving out of the blue. When they are out of town, you will miss them, but at the same time, you are happy for them. Why? Because you want them to travel and have new experiences. Your affection won’t have a sense of possession or suspicion.
Q: What are red flags in a relationship?
A:At times, we miss out the red flags and regret it later. But we are here to help you. Look out for these 13 red flags:
🚩 Physical abuse
🚩 Verbal and/or emotional abuse
🚩 Active addiction
🚩 Untreated mental health issues
🚩 Inconsistency
🚩 Possessiveness
🚩 Narcissism
🚩 Gaslighting
🚩 Emotional unavailability
🚩 They make you feel less than
🚩 Constant fighting
🚩 Anger issues
🚩 Unequal input & output
Keep an eye out for all these red flags. Even if you see any one of it, end it with that person. Nothing is more important than your mental and physical well-being. If you stay with that person, the situation is going to get worse over time.
Q: Is a soulmate a lover?
A: Your soulmate can be your partner as well and vice versa. It all depends on how you feel about someone and how your part reciprocates those feelings.
Q: What age do you meet your soulmate?
A: Relationship experts reveal that an average woman finds her soulmate at the age of 25. Men, on the other hand, find their soulmates at the age of 28.
Some studies also showed that half of the people find their special someone in their twenties.
Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.
