Everyone knows one of the most crucial components to a successful relationship is good communication.
Regular, meaningful conversation with your partner allows you to connect and strengthens your relationship.
It can help you learn about who they are and what made them that way.
However, as true as that may be, it doesn’t make coming up with relationship conversation starters any easier.
Thinking of things to talk about can be difficult, or it can feel uncomfortable bringing up certain things.
Being prepared with topics for couples to talk about is a great way to ensure you have plenty of engaging conversations.
What Are Conversation Starters for Couples?
Conversation starters are questions or prompts to initiate deeper discussions between you and your partner.
Whether you just started dating, you have been a couple for months or years, or you have been married for many decades, you can always learn something new about your partner and gain further insight into who they are and why.
Maybe you want to break the ice, or you aren’t sure how to bring up something sensitive or intimate. Or perhaps you feel like you have run out of things to talk about with your partner.
Whatever your situation may be, arming yourself with some good conversation starters is a great way for you and your partner to uncover and understand each other’s needs, wants, and goals in life.
A few ways to ensure your conversation is both meaningful and productive include:
A relaxed environment. Trying to have a meaningful conversation in a crowded, noisy bar is probably not the best idea. You should wait for a more private setting to ask more profound questions that require thought or more intimate questions that you wouldn’t want others to overhear the answers to. It’s about respecting each other’s comfort and privacy.
Avoid trigger topics. Steer clear of subjects that you know will cause friction or that could trigger an emotional response in your partner. Don’t ask questions that might cause them to relive traumatic events or that are known to cause fights between you.
Minor disagreements are fine. In fact, they’re often even healthy in romantic relationships. Having a difference of opinion isn’t a bad thing by any means. But if you’re rebuilding trust after one of you recently lied to the other, for example, maybe don’t ask about the worst lie they have told or been told.
It should fit the mood. Make sure your conversation topics are aligned with the tone and mood of your environment. Serious conversations in a playful setting can cause tension or ruin a good time, just as bringing up something silly or cracking jokes in more somber circumstances can fall flat or indicate disrespect or that you don’t care.
Sure, the conversation can transition from lighthearted to more serious in nature or vice versa, but let it happen naturally.
Keep an open mind. Make sure you’re open to hearing the answers your partner provides in your conversation. Remember that it’s okay if your responses don’t align exactly or if you learn something about them that you didn’t know or disagree with. The whole point is to get to know each other better and understand what shaped you into the amazing people you have become.
Create a trusting environment. Ease any anxiety around opening up to each other and feeling vulnerable, something that is difficult for many people at all stages of relationships, by showing your partner that they can trust you and that it’s safe to share their feelings with you. Refrain from getting angry or suggesting something is wrong with them because of how they feel or what they believe.
It should fit your situation. The conversation topics you choose should make sense for both of your personalities and your comfort levels with sharing or opening up. Don’t force closeness between you or make each other answer questions that you aren’t comfortable with. The whole point is to feel closer, not further apart.
Or do you want to strengthen an existing bond between you?
Here are 125 couples conversations starters you can use to get the ball rolling for any of these situations.
Deep Conversation Starters for Couples
Conversations with your partner can be deep and serious, intimate and personal, or lighthearted and fun.
You can ask questions to learn more about each other as individuals or direct queries to learn more about your relationship. And they can be gender-specific or more general.
1. What is the best thing about your life right now?
2. When was the last time you cried, and why?
3. What is one thing that you wish everyone knew about you and why?
4. What people in your life had the most significant influence on you as a child? As an adult?
5. Is there anything that you wish you were better at?
6. If you didn’t have to work ever again and money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with your life?
7. Where do you see yourself five years in the future? What about ten years in the future?
8. Have you ever been in love? How many times?
9. What were your relationships with your parents and siblings like growing up?
10. Do you think it’s ever okay to lie to your partner in a relationship?
11. How do you handle situations that make you sad or angry?
12. How do you react when you’re under a lot of pressure?
13. What are your best personal qualities? What about your worst?
14. What do you think are my best and worst qualities?
15. Which of your parents are you most like and how?
16. Tell me about three things you can’t live without and why.
19. What’s the worst way you ever hurt someone, and how did you respond? Did you regret it?
20. If you could live anywhere in the whole world, where would it be and why?
21. What is your biggest weakness? What about your biggest strength?
Intimate Conversation Starters for Couples
Intimate conversations happen when both parties feel safe to express themselves freely and without judgment from the other person.
If you or your partner feel like one of these questions will lead to discomfort or embarrassment, you may want to skip to another one.
22. What do I do that turns you on the most? How about the least?
23. How do you like to express your love for others?
24. How do you like me to express my love for you?
25. Do you prefer sex in the morning, sex at night, or an afternoon delight?
26. Do you believe that you are a sentimental person?
27. Do you like it better fast and rough, or do you prefer it slow and gentle?
28. What part of my body is your favorite part to explore?
29. How do you feel about using sex toys in the bedroom?
30. Tell me about your hottest, dirtiest sexual fantasy.
31. How often do you like for us to be intimate?
32. What is your hottest sexual memory of us?
33. What do you think makes us great as a couple?
34. What is the weirdest or craziest place you have ever had sex?
35. What is something you would love to try with me in the bedroom?
36. What do you think is the best way that we spend time together?
37. What do you think is the hottest sex position?
38. What are some of your long-term relationship goals?
39. Are you friends with any of your exes in real life or on social media?
40. What sex position is most likely to give you an orgasm?
41. What can we do to strengthen our relationship?
42. What can I do to make our sex even better?
Fun Conversation Starters for Couples
Use this list of questions if you are looking to generate some playful conversation with your partner, you want to discuss something on the more humorous side, or you are looking to get more personal and spice things up a bit.
43. Who was your biggest celebrity crush when you were growing up?
44. Who is your biggest celebrity crush now as an adult?
45. What animal best describes your personality?
46. Tell me about the weirdest date you have ever been on.
47. Do you have any weird or erotic fetishes?
48. What is your funniest memory from childhood?
49. What are the top five things on your bucket list?
50. What celebrity would you cast to play you in a movie about your life?
51. If you were granted any three wishes, what would they be?
52. Describe your dream vacation in as much detail as possible.
53. What is the most terrifying thing you’ve done in your life?
54. Do you consider yourself to be a superstitious person?
55. Do you believe in life after death?
56. Do you believe in good luck and bad luck?
57. Do you think of yourself as more of a leader or a follower?
58. What are some of your biggest pet peeves?
59. What is your biggest fear?
60. Do you remember your dreams, and how vivid are they?
61. What do you want people to remember you for when you’re gone?
62. If you had one million dollars and only 48 hours to spend it, what would you do and with whom?
63. What is your most embarrassing memory as a child? What about as an adult?
Topics To Talk About With Her
Most women enjoy good conversation and appreciate it when the guy in her life shows interest in who she is and what interests her. These questions are perfect for prompting her to tell you more about herself and for you to learn interesting things about her perspective on men.
If your guy isn’t much of an open book, some of these questions might be daunting for him. But if you give him space to answer without judging or embarrassing him, you’ll help him feel safe being authentic with you.
85. What’s your favorite type of scent for a woman to wear?
86. Do you ever find yourself attracted to other women?
87. Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend?
88. Has a girlfriend ever cheated on you that you’re aware of?
89. How old were you when you lost your virginity?
90. What do you think is the most shallow thing a woman can do?
91. Do you consider yourself to be a romantic guy?
92. Is there anything that you would change about me?
93. Do you think there’s still gender inequality in the workplace? In society?
94. What is the most romantic thing you have ever done for a woman?
95. What do you think about pet names in relationships?
96. Would you rather read the book or watch the movie?
97. Were you close with your mother growing up?
98. Do you consider yourself to be a tidy or a messy person?
99. How would you judge a woman if she slept with you on the first date?
100. Have you ever told a woman you loved her to get her to sleep with you?
101. How do you think household chores should be divided?
102. How do you feel about showing each other affection in public places?
103. How do you feel about being surprised?
104. Would you tell me the truth if you didn’t like my cooking or something else about me?
105. What’s one stereotype about men you disagree with and want to set straight?
Questions To Talk About With Your Partner
As you ask each other these questions, be sure to practice active listening while your partner is talking. Monitor your body language to appear open and approachable. Keep your legs and arms uncrossed.
Lean in while the other person is talking, and occasionally nod your head to show that you follow and pay attention. Smile or make other facial expressions as appropriate, and ask follow-up questions when needed to show interest and understanding in what they are saying.
106. Do you ever see yourself getting married?
107. What kind of wedding do you prefer– a big one or a small one?
108. What do you think is the best quality in a partner?
109. Do you want to have children in the future? Why or why not?
110. Do you have a general “type” of woman, and do I fit into it?
111. Why do you believe your past relationships ended?
112. What kind of parent do you think you will be?
113. How would you describe me to a complete stranger?
114. What was your initial impression of me when we met?
115. Can you see yourself dating someone with opposing political views?
117. What is something you have always wanted to know about me but have been too afraid to ask?
118. Where do you see us in five years? How about in ten years?
119. Are special occasions a big deal to you?
120. Describe your ideal wife and marriage.
121. What do I do for you that you love?
122. What don’t I do for you that you wish I would do?
123. What about me made you want to date me?
124. Would you rather give gifts or receive them?
125. What made you realize you that were in love with me?
Pick and choose which conversation topics for couples make the most sense for you and your relationship. You may not be comfortable discussing some things yet, and that’s okay.
Use them as is or tweak them to make them fit your situation better. The point is to build a bond between you and get more comfortable opening up about more sensitive topics throughout your relationship.
