Your Child is Secretly Suffering

As the shift back to “normal life” begins excitement fills the air for many but a lot of kids are still struggling horribly. We tend to say that kids are the most resilient but we have to remember that they aren’t invincible. Rapid change can be difficult for kids to process as their brains aren’t yet fully developed. We placed so many new rules on our children, coupled with fear and constant transitions of their routines. They had little say in what was happening in their lives, they were told to just comply and they did their best to adapt. 

Imagine how difficult it would be as a young child to hear about the severity of just being around friends and family, their hobbies and sports being cancelled, their parents frustrated, scared, and on edge, seeing hidden faces and being confined away from those they love and trust. I will never forget a young man telling me how he would escape to the washroom at school just to remove his mask and cry because life has just been so hard this last year… Do you know how your child truly feels? 

Covid was hard on everyone and its effects took its toll differently for all of us, but as we transition into a world we know to love, we can’t forget about the kids. It is important for us to take the time and talk with them, to let them know that their voice matters and we are here to support them as we transition once again. Especially if your children have been “acting out”, there is usually a reason behind it that can be found and when we support them in the way that they need we will see a positive change in behaviour. I have been hearing a lot of feelings around rejection, abandonment, and insignificance. They aren’t trying to be “bad,” they are trying to communicate with us, and when we remember that, then we can do something about it in a positive way – we can hear them out.

My suggestion is to slow down and take some uninterrupted time to have a conversation with your children. First and foremost, let them know that whatever they say will not get them in trouble, that this is a safe space to be honest. You can ask questions like:

• How are you feeling?
• Tell me about how school went this last year? How can we help make next year a great year for you?
• Is there anything you are scared of going back to school?
• How can I show you more love?
• What would you like to see our family do together?
• What would you like to do this year? – hobbies, sports, etc.

We have to ensure our children know that their voice matters and take the time to understand them so that we can support them. It’s never too late to let them know how much you love them and give them a positive and loving environment. And don’t forget to check in with yourself as well; we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.