Tell me you’ve been head-over-heels in love without actually saying it.
Those were the phrases I used to tease a good friend of mine before, and for this article let’s name her Lily. Back when we were in high school, me and Lily shared the same circle of friends. We would take lunch together, hangout under the same shade of the red maple tree, and even share laughs during the cheerleading practices.
We were in the 12th grade when she met Sam, who was a part of the school’s hockey team. It was no wonder that they were both head-over-heels for each other, from sharing secret smiles, to quiet laughs at the cafe in front of the school. Well, don’t even bother to think how I knew that, since Lily would literally jump out on me in excitement every after-school “meetups” that they had. Not long after, they both came out officially as couples.
Every room they went into lit up, as everyone seemed to feel that rare spark; making each and everyone of us believe that it was true love. But as sweet as it first started, the ending came bitterly early for the both of them.
I first began to notice it during our regular hangouts under the same red maple tree that we all used to love. Well at first, it wasn’t that big— forgotten compliments or greetings here and there, or a simple sneaky glance over each other’s phones. And as surprisingly as it is, those tiny actions added up. And the next thing we knew? They broke up!
That’s when I first started to wonder why on Earth, two people who both seemed and claimed that they cannot live without each other, will suddenly fall apart and go back to being strangers? I know, it is crazy.
And it led me to one simple conclusion—no big fights are actually needed for a perfectly good relationship to crumble. Even the best kind of relationship can get hurt by normal daily behaviors that we hardly even notice.
Curious to learn what these habits are? Let’s take a look at 10 ways on how we can ruin a perfectly good relationship— without even trying!
Seeking Perfection
As highschoolers, it is no doubt that Lily and I were firm believers of fairytale love stories, the kind that would sweep us off our feet or that one kiss that makes our knees curl— and we all owe that to the pocketbooks we used to read and chick flicks we binge watched.
That’s why when Sam and Lily became together, Lily expected a love out from the romance books. The deep, sweet, loving relationship kind. Unfortunately, Sam was far from it. He wasn’t always the “pick you up by 4 and drop you off by 7” kind of guy. Instead, sometimes he would invite Lily to come over and watch him play his video games. And boy, I can still remember her pissed off face. The next thing I knew? She blew up. Told him it was far from what she expected and what she wished for. But Sam defended himself explaining that it was his own way of chilling out with her after a long day of hockey.
I mean, maturely speaking he’s got a point. We cannot always expect our partner to be at 100. Some days may feel like 50, or maybe 70, sometimes it can go as low as 10. But the important thing is that they show up. Expecting an all-out 100 from them all the time will only tire them out—have some room for breather.
Not Making Time for Them
But of course, let’s have Lily’s defense.
In between the hockey games, study lessons, and tournaments, Sam’s schedule was undeniably packed. But it was also the same for Lily—from cheerleading practice and tea meetings as part of the student body, it was surely not easy for her too. So during their first month of being together, Lily had planned a special dinner at their favorite spot in front of the school. Unfortunately, Sam failed to show up. I can still remember Lily calling me up in the middle of the night while sitting alone in front of a half-empty milkshake, crying out how she felt so sidelined. And honestly, that kind of neglect can really hurt.
Ignoring the Love Language
As time went on, it became clear that Lily and Sam’s love languages were completely different. Sam’s idea of affection was spending time together—doing something as simple as sitting on the couch while he played video games. But for Lily, it wasn’t enough. She needed words—sweet words that expressed how he felt about her. Compliments, kind phrases, or just a little “I love you” from time to time were what kept her heart happy.
But Sam didn’t get it. To him, actions spoke louder than words. He thought if he was there for her physically, that should count. But Lily needed more. The lack of verbal affection started to create a void between them, and though Sam didn’t realize it, the distance grew. That kind of behavior, when left unchecked, can really ruin something good.
As things went on, both Sam and Lily started to assume the other would always be there. They got comfortable. Too comfortable. They stopped doing the little things—the thoughtful messages, the random acts of kindness, the “I’m thinking of you” texts. It was almost as if they figured, “We’re together, so there’s no need for extra effort.”
But what they didn’t realize is that love isn’t a given. It’s something you nurture every day, even with the smallest gestures. Once you stop putting in the effort, that’s when things start to fade. Even the most healthy relationship needs care.
Letting Small Issues Pile Up
In the beginning, small issues were brushed off. A missed date here, an unreturned text there. It didn’t seem like a big deal, right? But as the little things piled up, they began to fester. The unspoken frustrations turned into silent resentments, and before long, the small issues had grown into something much larger. It’s a dangerous behavior to steer clear of.
What started as a little misunderstanding turned into a wall of unaddressed feelings that neither of them knew how to tear down. In relationships, ignoring problems only makes them worse. If you don’t talk about the small things, they will eventually turn into bigger problems.
Poor Communication
The biggest issue between Sam and Lily wasn’t even the big fights. It was the silence. They stopped communicating effectively. When one of them was upset, they didn’t talk about it. When something bothered them, they didn’t speak up. Instead, they bottled things up, hoping they’d go away on their own.
But we all know that’s not how it works. The lack of open communication created a distance between them. They stopped being able to express their thoughts and feelings, and that’s when the cracks started to show. Good communication is the foundation of any solid partnership.
Comparing Them to Others
This is where the trouble really deepened. Lily, like so many of us, started to start comparing Sam to the boys she saw in movies or read about in books. She thought he should be more romantic, more spontaneous, more like the “perfect” guy she’d imagined. But the thing is, Sam wasn’t those things. He was himself, and he had his own way of loving.
Unfortunately, Lily couldn’t see that. She was start comparing him to a fantasy, and in doing so, she lost sight of the real relationship they shared. When you constantly compare your spouse to others—whether to friends’ relationships or fictional characters—you’re not allowing them to be their true self. You’re setting them up for failure.
Keeping Score
The next issue was when they started keeping score. “Well, I did this for you last week, so why didn’t you do this for me today?” It became a game of one-upmanship. They both started measuring who was putting in more effort and who was doing the “right” thing. Relationships are not about tallying up favors or keeping score. Love is about showing up for each other, even when there’s no immediate return.
Once you start measuring love, you lose it. It becomes a transaction, not a connection.
Avoiding Vulnerability
Both Sam and Lily had their guard up. They didn’t want to be vulnerable. Sam didn’t want to show weakness, and Lily didn’t want to admit when she was hurt. They both kept their feelings locked inside, afraid of being judged or rejected. But vulnerability is what creates closeness. Without it, you’re just two people sharing space, not a life.
The more they avoided opening up, the more they grew apart. They stopped sharing their true selves, and in doing so, their relationship lost its depth.
Forgetting to Have Fun Together
And finally, they forgot to have fun. Relationships, at their core, are supposed to be joyful. They’re about sharing laughs, creating memories, and enjoying each other’s company. But in the midst of life’s pressures—school, work, family—they stopped having fun together. It wasn’t all about love and romance anymore. It was about surviving the day-to-day grind.
But you can’t just “survive” a relationship—you need to live it. And once they stopped having fun together, they stopped connecting. And when that happens, the magic fades.
