Dating can be both beautiful and daunting at times. However, the confusion gets worse if you don’t know how the other person feels about you. You might have known a man for quite some time and, after being friends for a while, start wondering about his feelings towards you.
You might be interested in the guy and want a relationship, but he doesn’t know how to show his feelings like other men do, making you question where you both are in the relationship. Such guys seem distant, avoid being vulnerable, and seem not to know how to be emotionally intimate. They use this to protect themselves from being vulnerable, probably due to a traumatic childhood event, or that’s just how they were raised.
It’s easy to think that such a guy is not interested in you, but he’s emotionally unavailable in the real sense. Let’s dig deeper into how to tell whether an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
A man may be battling his past demons hence why he seems emotionally unavailable, but he could still be madly in love with you and not even know it. When this man opens up to you, it might show how much he loves you and feels safe with you.
Let’s look at the 20 signs an emotionally unavailable man is in love with you.
1. He opens up to you
An emotionally unavailable man may feel like it’s the hardest thing in the world for him to open up and reveal his deepest feelings. It feels nerve-wracking to him and, he’ll have a difficult time with emotional attachment.
If such a guy decides to let you in, that means he’s fighting his instincts, which tell him to keep people at arm’s length. Simple things like talking about his personal life may be a pretty big deal to him, but he needs to do so with you because he’ll want to share his life with you.
He may be ready to open up to you, but don’t push him when he starts to reveal his deepest, darkest secrets. The fact that he’s revealing them means that he’s showing how much he loves you, and you should let him do so at his own pace.
Being with an emotionally unavailable man may be confusing and sometimes disappointing. However, it’s paramount that you remain patient with him if the feeling is mutual.
2. He starts showing emotion
Emotionally unavailable men do have emotions, but verbally expressing them may be tricky due to issues they may have faced in the past. Once this guy starts expressing his emotions, it means that his feelings for you are genuine, and he’s willing to be vulnerable to get closer to you.
Many men are biologically wired to be emotionally unavailable. The limbic system is the part of the brain that processes emotions, and it is larger in the female brain than in the males. However, if he loves you, he’s going to defy the laws of biology despite what he’s been through. His showing emotion means that he sees a future with you and is ready to trust again.
He might show some emotion this week, then show different emotions next week, which may be confusing because he’s still struggling with expressing his feelings in a way that makes him feel safe. As with all good things, give him time, and he will completely open up to you. This shows that he’s falling in love with you.
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3. He is stable
An emotionally unavailable man will tend to date around a lot as opposed to pursuing a real relationship. This avoidant attachment lifestyle is not just for fun, but it’s to protect himself from being hurt. He’ll have a habit of staying friends with the women he’s dated in the past, but he would want much more when he becomes stable.
He might call and text you a lot sometimes, then other times he just goes cold and stays silent. However, if you form a strong attachment with him such that he feels comfortable around you, his calls and texts will be more frequent.
The changes come slowly, but when he’s getting closer to you, you will notice behavioral changes, and his communication becomes more consistent, meaning it’s a sign that he’s falling for you. Emotionally unavailable men find it difficult to talk about their feelings, hence why he’s sometimes hot, and sometimes cold.
Don’t push him away by testing him or making him jealous because you’ll push him away. Instead, have a conversation with him without making him talk about his feelings.
4. He wants to know your opinion
Emotionally unavailable men like being in control of their own decisions and never do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Therefore if he starts asking for your opinion, it just shows that you’re an essential part of his life. When he values your opinion more than anyone else’s show’s that he’s developing feelings for you.
Him valuing your opinion is a huge step, whether it’s big decisions, work-related issues, or simply which pants he should wear, as this means that he feels safe with you. Baby steps are vital as pushing him may make him retreat into his shell, so let him ask for your opinion only when he feels comfortable enough to do so.
5. He talks to you about his past
Many of us have past traumatic experiences that we should heal from. An emotionally unavailable man might have been through toxic relationships, childhood trauma, or unhealthy friendships that all made him close up when around people.
These men might have trusted someone in the past who turned around and hurt them deeply, and they swore never to be vulnerable again, which is why they don’t like talking about their histories. When such a man willingly brings up his past, it means that he’s ready to trust again and keep you around. Make yourself available to move forward with him because he’s testing the waters to see if he can trust you.
It might take him up to a few weeks to tell you the whole story, so be patient as this information helps you understand why he is so closed off. Whatever the reasons, this is a big step. Embrace it!
6. He considers you
An emotionally unavailable man will seldom consider you. When you first meet him, he doesn’t care about what’s happening with your friends or family, how your day was, etc. When you try talking to him about what’s going on with you, he feigns interest and is probably watching TV or browsing social media. He pretends to listen but doesn’t hear what you’re trying to tell him.
You feel discouraged and wonder what the point is of trying to talk to him about yourself. When you’re out for lunch, he eats his fries, and as you wait for him to offer you some, he doesn’t.
However, you notice small changes as time goes by. He’s started remembering your friend’s names, asks how your day was, shares his fries with you, and even volunteers to accompany you to family events sometimes. Baby steps are essential, but little changes are better than no change at all.
Sometimes when you speak, he might only talk about things that interest him or ramble on about something exciting that happened to him, but don’t fret. If you would also like to talk about your day, gently redirect him to you without being too pushy, and he’ll be more focused on you.
7. He uses “we” or “us” in his speech
You’re probably used to him saying “I” all the time, but one day, you hear him use “we.” “We need to eat at this restaurant.” This might surprise you, but it just means that he’s changed significantly.
An emotionally unavailable man will want to feel included when in a relationship, so even if you don’t like the restaurant he’s suggesting, you go ahead and eat there because things are getting serious between you two. Using the term “we” will slowly become second nature to him as time moves on.
Before long, you’ll also find yourself using “we” in your conversations. If you suspect that your partner may have said it by mistake, test him by using the same when referring to both of you and see how he reacts. If he’s ok with it, you’re in a new stage in your relationship.
He might go back to using “I” sometimes, but that’s just normal. He’s still getting used to being part of a “we.”
8. Your feelings matter to him
Emotionally unavailable men find it extremely difficult to open up about their feelings. As such, they don’t even want to consider yours and the word “love” seems to scare them off. If the guy you’re into is this way, give him some time to figure out his feelings.
He might altogether avoid talking about his feelings which might make you think that he doesn’t care, which may be untrue. He might care about you a lot but finds it hard to express it. However, if you notice him fussing over you after you’ve had a bad day or taking care of you after receiving some bad news, this is a good sign that he cares deeply for you.
Don’t rush all this because it takes time for him to express himself this way, and it won’t happen overnight. However, when he feels like you genuinely care for him, then he will reciprocate these feelings. He may not be all lovey-dovey like you would want him to, but he will care.
9. He discusses the future with you
An emotionally unavailable man will hardly ever talk about the future with you because it’s uncomfortable for him to think about it. However, once he’s fallen for you, it will happen sooner or later.
Don’t put yourself in a position where you want him to be talking about how much he likes you and wants to be with you because the wait could frustrate you. Emotionally unavailable men never like having such mushy conversations or even thinking about them.
When you discuss your relationship with such a man, he might tell you that he’s happy the way things are between the two of you, or maybe that he would like to keep seeing you. This might be a regular conversation for you, but it’s a huge leap for an emotionally closed guy.
The key here is not to pressure him as it might backfire on you. Be patient with him and let him open up at his own pace because your patience might lead to a beautiful thing. Let him take his time because you wouldn’t want to make so much progress with an emotionally unavailable guy only to start again from square one just because you were too pushy, would you?
10. He takes you to work events
When a man takes you to a company party, barbeque, etc. it’s a big deal. For an emotionally unavailable man to do so, that’s damn near news-worthy!
When he introduces you to his colleagues, he knows that he exposes himself to questions about you. He will also have to answer uncomfortable questions if things don’t work out.
When he’s willing to face these fears by taking you to work-related events, he’s so into you.
11. He’s willing to look into his relationship issues
An emotionally unavailable man is used to brushing off relationship problems and probably did so when they arose in his past relationships because he didn’t care too much about them. However, he no longer does this and is willing to sit down with you and talk about whatever problems you have. He wants the relationship to progress because he has feelings for you.
He might not start a conversation about any problems that arise or make a grand gesture to show you how much he loves you, but he will put some time and effort into solving your issues. When he does this, it means that he’s serious about you and ready to take the next step.
It’s important to note that a relationship with him won’t be as rosy as you think it should be, but when he shows you those little gestures like buying you flowers, make sure you enjoy the moment.
12. He’s willing to introduce you to his friends and family
When a relationship is out in the open, it feels more natural. When a man introduces you to his friends and family, it’s a big deal, hence one of the reasons why an emotionally unavailable man may not do so at first.
He probably doesn’t want you to be close to the important people in his life because something traumatic happened to him in the past, and he wouldn’t want you to know about it. He would also feel pressured if they encouraged the relationship.
However, if he’s willing for you to meet his loved ones more than once, then you mean something to him. He becomes open to questions about your relationship and is ready to discuss a future with you.
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13. He stays in touch
Emotionally unavailable men tend to keep contact with women that they’re not invested in emotionally. They may try to initiate casual conversations with different women to keep things calm to protect their feelings.
When you first meet this kind of guy, chances of him keeping in touch could go either way. However, if he calls or texts you first, checks up on you regularly, sends memes on social media, etc. he wants to keep in touch and make sure you’re thinking about him.
The other women in his life slowly begin to disappear as his feelings for you grow stronger.
Any woman would want their man to support their career moves, especially when no one else believes in them. Let an emotionally unavailable man fall for you and see how supportive he is of your career decision. He remembers your colleagues’ names, asks about your tasks at work, your role in the company, etc. It means that he’s thinking about your welfare and wants you to have the best.
This doesn’t just happen overnight, but when it does, it should tell you something. When you sense that your guy is not paying attention when you talk about your work, gently nudge him towards the conversation, and pretty soon, he’ll be interested in what you do for a living and support you.
15. He remembers your shoe size
Emotionally unavailable people don’t pay attention to small details about a person like shoe size, favorite restaurants or movies, or favorite color. When your guy starts noticing these things about you, then rest assured that he’s fallen hard!
He will pay attention to details like where you like to eat, shoe size, etc., just to get your attention by bringing you these things. When he pays attention to what you want and dislike, it means that he’s into you.
16. He asks you questions about yourself
A man suffering from emotional unavailability makes it difficult for him to care about other people as his prime focus is on himself and protecting his feelings. But as he develops the hots for you, he begins to show interest in you. He asks personal questions, starting with a few at a time but delving deeper because he wants to know more about you.
This process is essential when choosing a life partner, and he may be doing so with you when he asks these questions. Pay attention to what he asks and be open to answering them.
17. He wants to be around you
When you fall in love with someone, you want to be around them constantly. When emotionally unavailable men fall in love, it’s no different. They may not be overly romantic and show huge gestures, but they do like hanging around their object of affection.
He’ll accompany you to the store, watch TV with you or look for things for you to do together. He’ll want you close because he feels like he can build a life with you.
18. He makes sure to keep things that you love at his place
When you spend the night at someone else’s house, you’ll want to wake up to your favorite coffee, shampoo, breakfast, etc. it might be great to wake up to him sleeping next to you, but it’s even better when you’re favorite stuff is within reach.
When an emotionally unavailable man gets feelings for you, he’ll want you to feel comfortable and safe in his house so that you can come over more often. He will remember the things that you mentioned you liked and will make a point of keeping them at his house for when you visit.
He might have a hard time expressing his feelings verbally, but such actions speak volumes.
19. He’s protective of you
When you have feelings for someone, you’re protective of them, and that goes for emotionally unavailable men too. They want to care for their partner’s safety, health and happiness because that’s important to them.
Protecting a woman triggers a man’s hero instinct, and more so if he’s in love. Protecting someone you love shows that you are over your emotional unavailability because you’re willing to go the extra mile to keep them safe.
20. The relationship becomes more emotional than physical
Emotional unavailability in a man will prevent him from having an emotional connection, and his relationships are primarily based on sex. This stage is often exciting and fun in the early stages of a relationship, but you need to know each other deeper.
If the man starts being emotionally affectionate, he’s fallen in love with you because he sees you for who you are rather than just for sex.
🧐 Conclusions 🧐
You may be in love with an emotionally unavailable man, but you want to speed up the process of him being more open. A man being guarded about his feelings is a very natural male instinct that sometimes frustrates women. However, you can now get proactive and make them open up even faster.
You can start by triggering his hero instinct somehow, making him want to protect you by assuring you that the relationship is real and being more open. That’s exactly what a hero does. Let him be a hero by being true to himself and admitting his feelings.
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Author: Ruth Jesse
Ruth is a life coach who specialises in finance, relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.