You want to be a good boyfriend, but maybe you’re not sure the best way to be one.
The fact that you’re trying to improve is a good first step that shows you are already well on your way to being the type of boyfriend your girl wants.
All you need is to implement some strategies that will make both of you happy.
It is important to remember that being a better boyfriend is about improving your relationship. It’s not about changing who you are.
What are the Qualities of a Good Boyfriend?
The qualities of a good boyfriend are not wildly different than the qualities of being a good person.
Keeping the science behind interpersonal relationships in mind, you should note eight basic qualities of a good boyfriend.
- Attentiveness: Being attentive means paying attention when she speaks rather than waiting for your turn to talk.
- Loyalty: A good boyfriend is never disloyal to his girlfriend.
- Kindness: Treating her with compassion and empathy is vital.
- Respect: Your girlfriend deserves respect. Show it to her.
- Flexibility: You won’t always agree on everything. Being nimble helps you to get past small arguments.
- Understanding: You might not always understand everything she thinks and feels, but attempting to do so is almost as good.
- A Sense of Self: Being a good boyfriend starts with being a good person. Spend some time getting to know how you can be the best you.
- Faith: Having faith in your relationship goes a long way.
How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 21 Ways to Be the Man She Wants
Learning how to be a better man for her can start as soon as today.
Use these tips to aid in your plan to be the best possible man for the love of your life.
1. Make Yourself Available
No girl wants a boyfriend who doesn’t make an effort to spend time with her. If you would prefer to be somewhere else than with your girlfriend, it’s possible this isn’t the best relationship for you anyway.
If you do want to spend your time with her, let her know and make it happen. She needs to know that you will be there for her whenever she needs you.
2. Truly Listen When She Speaks
Do you enjoy talking to someone only to find they haven’t heard a word you’ve said? Of course, you don’t; no one does. Your girlfriend is no exception.
When she has something on her mind, she wants to know that you care enough to listen. Even if you don’t think what she has to say is important, the fact that she does should be enough for you.
3. Acknowledge Her Feelings
Give her the security of knowing you understand and care for her feelings and accept them. If she’s sad, give her a shoulder to cry on.
If she’s angry, ask what you can do to help. If happy, share in her joy. Do not dismiss any emotion she is displaying.
4. Tell Her You Love Her
Telling your girlfriend that you love her once in a while is not enough. Tell her daily. She may need that reassurance that you still have deep feelings for her.
It’s unnecessary to send flowers or candy every other day, but it is nice to drop a note, send a text, or just hug her with a simple “I love you” whispered in her ear. A reminder that you love her is always a good thing.
5. Give Her Space
Yes, sometimes being a good boyfriend means giving your girlfriend some space. Do not smother her with attention. Don’t become overbearing or expect her to spend all of her time with you. A healthy relationship has plenty of room to grow.
She should be able to have some alone time or spend time with her friends. The same goes for you. A little bit of space is a good thing in all relationships.
6. Remember the Little Things
The human brain tends to remember things that are important or traumatic. Other details are often lost unless there is a concerted effort to remember them. Showing your girlfriend that you care about her includes making that effort to remember some of those little things.
If she mentions in passing that her favorite flower is daisies, make a note of that and surprise her with daisies sometime in the future. Those little things add up into big things over time.
Your girlfriend needs to know that she can open herself up to you. It is equally crucial for her to know that you feel the same way. Trust is a two-way street. If you remain closed off in the relationship, she will never feel like you are fully invested.
This sharing can be difficult if you are the type of person who is naturally private. However, you are with your girlfriend because you love and trust her. You should show her that by being open with your thoughts and feelings.
8. Fight With Love
Fights happen. They are a normal part of relationships. The longer you are together, the more you will discover differences that might lead to arguments. When you fight, make sure you do so with as much respect as possible. Try to stay calm, don’t name-call, and never get physical.
Work out your differences through communication. Through your anger, remember that you love your partner and remind her of that. “I am angry with you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you” can go a long way.
9. Admit When You Are Wrong
Few people can admit their own errors. Recognizing when you are wrong and saying so aloud is a stumbling block that takes a very strong person to overcome. Your relationship needs this type of strength.
You will be wrong sometimes. Take responsibility for it, admit to it and apologize. You will be a better boyfriend and a better person if you can learn from your own mistakes. You can’t learn from them unless you admit they exist in the first place.
10. Be Willing to Forgive
Just as you are sometimes wrong, she will be as well. You want her to forgive you when you make a mistake. Why wouldn’t you do the same for her? If she admits to her wrongdoing and asks for your forgiveness, give it to her.
It’s not enough to say the words, “I forgive you.” You have to feel it within your heart. Note: Not all acts are worthy of your forgiveness. For example, if your partner is abusive, you should not be willing to let the relationship go forward.
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11. Do Things She Enjoys (Even if You Don’t)
Learning how to be a better boyfriend means sometimes doing the things you’d rather not do. As long as it doesn’t hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally, take part in her favorite activities with her.
Maybe she wants to go to a painting class, spend the day rock climbing, or have a drink with friends after work. If none of these things is your favorite, you can show her that her happiness is important to you by going along and making the most of it.
12. Include Her in Your Activities
She wants you to join her with those things she enjoys. You should invite her to join you as well. Are you used to going golfing with your friends? Offer to spend the day golfing with your girlfriend.
Do you love comic books? Ask her to attend a comic book convention with you. She might say no, and you might be okay with that. Just asking her to accompany you may be enough.
13. Practice the Golden Rule
The Golden Rule states, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” This should be true in all facets of your life. It is especially true in romantic relationships. Treat your girlfriend as you would wish to be treated. This mindset all but ensures an equal relationship.
Keep in mind that there may be some ways you like to be treated that she might not. For instance, you might like lots of hugs and kisses, while she is more standoffish when it comes to physical affection. Take note of that and adjust as needed.
14. Get to Know Yourself
You cannot be a good boyfriend if you don’t know what you want out of your relationship. Do some deep thinking about your own expectations.
Be realistic without giving up on your wants and needs. You can then decide how you should proceed in the relationship to help achieve your goals.
Getting to know yourself isn’t a one-and-done process. You will need to continue assessing and reassessing yourself to be fully aware and truly happy.
15. Be Willing to Have Uncomfortable Conversations
Sometimes you need to talk about unpleasant things. Who better to talk about this with than your girlfriend?
Being open and honest with each other means being open about all things.
Perhaps there is something in your past that you don’t like talking about. Maybe she needs to share something very personal with you.
A strong relationship sometimes includes conversations that neither of you wants, but you still must have them.
16. Talk About Sex
Most romantic relationships have a physical component. In fact, sex is probably a very important part of your relationship. If you are having sex or wish to, you should be able to discuss it freely.
Let your partner know that you want her to be satisfied, which means she should be able to tell you what she wants and what she doesn’t. You should feel the same way. Once you are on the same page, your sex lives will be more satisfying.
It is vital not to pressure her into doing things she doesn’t want to do. Likewise, tell her if she has desires that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
17. Follow Through
When you say you are going to do something, do that thing. Do not make a pattern of making promises that you cannot or don’t intend to keep.
An occasional error is only human, but accept responsibility for not following through and then find a way to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Following through with promises shows your girlfriend that you are trustworthy.
18. Make Eye Contact
It’s a little thing, but making eye contact when either of you is speaking is a subtle way of letting your girlfriend know you acknowledge her worth. Looking at her when you speak creates a connection that isn’t accomplished by words alone.
Making eye contact while she is speaking shows that you are listening to her and not distracted by other things. Even when you’re not talking, eye contact is a meaningful form of communication.
19. Set Relationship Goals Together
“Where is this relationship heading?” It might not be the most exciting conversation to have, but it is important. The two of you need to know you are on the same page in your relationship.
Your girlfriend doesn’t need to wonder if she is alone in wanting to have a deeper connection. She might be reluctant to approach topics of moving in together or getting engaged if she fears you don’t feel the same way.
20. Show Spontaneous Romance
Even if you’re not a romantic at heart, romantic gestures from time to time go a long way toward being a better boyfriend. The gesture can be as grand as serenading her under moonlight or as simple as holding her hand.
Read a love poem to her, play her favorite song or send her a text telling her how lucky you are to have her in your life. The occasional romantic gesture reminds her that you love her and that you don’t take her for granted.
21. Be Her Friend
You can argue that the most important thing you can do to be the kind of boyfriend she wants and needs is to be her friend. Be there for her when she needs you. Laugh with her. Enjoy spending time with her.
Think of her as the kind of person you would want to be with even if you weren’t romantically involved. Friendship is the basis of every strong relationship. Work toward it.
Behaviors to Avoid if You Want to Know How to Be a Better Boyfriend
You know the things you need to do. What about the things you shouldn’t? Any good list of boyfriend tips must also include those things you should avoid.
- Don’t be overly aggressive. Abuse of any kind is dangerous and criminal.
- Don’t smother her with affection. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
- Don’t take her for granted. Your girlfriend deserves appreciation, not expectations.
- Don’t stop trying. Even if you are the best boyfriend, there are always things you can do to make yourself and your girlfriend happier.
- Don’t lose yourself. Even when you are part of a couple, you need to remember your own wants and needs.
Wanting to learn about being a better boyfriend is a sign that you care. Use these tips, and your girlfriend is sure to be happy!