Over the decades, men who play the field have been called many names.
The most recent term is a playa.
This catch-all term, player, is widely associated with many definitions.
It may include someone with a healthy social life.
Or it may refer to a more casual approach to companionship.
For many, it describes someone duplicitous in their feelings and attitudes toward relationships.
Regardless of your definition, if you are involved with a player, you may be on a relationship roller coaster of confusion and lack of commitment.
But you may find the most loving and loyal partner imaginable.
Do Players Fall in Love?
There is hope. A player can fall in love.
So, before you write the relationship off completely, remember that their nonchalant attitude towards partners may be due to a past hurt or trauma.
The player mentality is often a defense mechanism where it is easier to accumulate many informal relationships rather than one deep one.
In fact, there are many reasons for his attitude toward sex and relationships.
Your partner may have:
Commitment issues
A high sex drive
Past emotional scarring
A social circle validating multiple partners
Childhood trauma — affecting how he forms relationships
Ego-driven expectations
Love requires respect, trust, and honesty, developing over time. Consequently, the casual nature of a player’s attitude toward relationships usually precludes the development of deeper feelings.
That doesn’t mean that these casanovas are incapable of love. On the contrary, when a player falls in love, they can and do settle down. And once committed to a relationship, they are all in.
Yes, players can fall in love. But how can you tell? And what differentiates a more profound commitment from a more superfluous relationship?
When a player falls in love, they seek out your company. Sometimes they will manufacture silly reasons to be with you, whether inviting you for coffee, a walk in the middle of the day, or a fun night at home.
They may ask you for a business function.
And even if you are left alone at the table, it is enough for them to have you near. It is also common for them to dislike sharing your attention, so look for a lot of alone time.
2. They reveal themselves.
Often, dating a player is accepting that you will never know them entirely or understand their deepest secrets. But players start to trust and reveal their authentic selves as they fall in love.
As trust builds, they may describe their dreams for the future or past fears.
3. They show trust.
A player is used to following their own rules and fending for themselves. They keep their own counsel and don’t like other people knowing their business. But when they fall in love, they begin to trust and, as a result, become less secretive.
You may be given a key to their house or the password to their computer. This is a big step for a player. And if you are interested in the long term, don’t betray that trust.
4. They seek intimacy over sex.
Sex, for its own sake, is an integral part of being a player. In fact, many define players as anyone with a significant number of sexual partners or multiple partners at any given time. A player rarely stays to cuddle or for the night.
But when this person is in love, the physical act is only a part of the intimacy. As their feelings grow, staying the night to wake up next to you becomes an essential piece of the relationship puzzle.
5. They take a more profound interest.
A player in love will slowly show a noticeable interest in the details of your life. Instead of being peppered with first-date-type questions or talking about the weather or traffic, you will begin to have more substantial discussions.
They will ask your opinions or beliefs because a player in love wants to know you as a person and what makes you tick.
6. They remember details.
Life is hectic. Even on the best of days, we forget things. Players often just don’t bother with intimate details (like birthdays or how you take your coffee) because they will not be around long enough for it to matter.
But those details matter when a player begins to feel strongly for someone. He will suddenly know your favorite poem, color, or pasta dish.
7. Their priorities change.
Some think players are selfish, while others see their behavior as focused or guarded. Either way, most casanovas prioritize their wants and needs first. However, players in love change their priorities.
They become available to you and your needs. They are there when you need them for emergencies.
But they also stick around to give you a ride to the airport. These changing priorities are foreign to players and signal that they are looking for a more profound relationship.
Some think players are selfish, while others see their behavior as focused or guarded. Either way, most casanovas prioritize their wants and needs first.
However, players in love change their priorities. They become available to you and your needs. They are there when you need them for emergencies. But they also stick around to give you a ride to the airport.
These changing priorities are foreign to players and signal they seek a more profound relationship.
8. They face conflict.
A basic premise when dealing with a player is that there is a reason for their actions. And you can be sure there is a trunk load of emotional baggage.
Because of past experiences, players are likelier to run from conflict, disagreements, or out-and-out fights.
But if a player has developed feelings for you, they will stick around and work through the issues. And you may even hear an apology or two.
9. They confess.
Players are independent. Therefore, needing or missing anyone is not in their vocabulary.
But a reformed player will find themselves missing you. And, this is the crucial bit, will confess to you that you have been in their thoughts or that they missed you.
In fact, this may be one of the first subtle signs that your player is falling in love with you.
10. They declare their love.
Admitting you are “in love” is the ultimate vulnerability. Players rarely embrace the sentiment outside of their family circle because it requires trust and openness.
But if you are lucky enough to hear that little word, it is not only a sign that your player is falling in love but that they are wholly committed to your partnership.
11. They see your approval.
Along with general independence, players act without seeking outside approval. It’s not because they don’t care about anyone else’s opinions. It’s just that they believe their choice is the best.
But if a player begins to seek your approval or even permission before acting, this clearly shows they have deep and probably complicated feelings.
12. They are impulsive.
Since love is somewhat foreign to them, players may act impulsively and call or drop to hear your voice or get a hug.
This spontaneous act may be at 5 AM or in the middle of the work day. While this can be overwhelming, remember you are slowly taking the place of many different relationships.
Players, by definition, play with numerous friends. They have a large circle of friends, business colleagues, and acquaintances to occupy their time. But as a player starts to settle, that circle begins to shrink.
Old girlfriends, wingmen, and late-night hook-ups disappear. They may even hit delete on their contact folder or through away their “little black book.”
Flattery can do amazing things. And most players are adept at changing the truth, whether they are little white lies or whoppers, to get what they want. But when a player starts telling you the truth, it is a sure sign that they are falling for you.
And having committed to the relationship, they want you and their newly found relations to be the best versions possible.
15. They value your time together.
Most players value themselves and their time. So, going on a pre-planned date or spending time and money on someone who is a hookup seems wasteful. Remember, a player has options. That is what most men admire about the breed.
So, if you have noticed a slow transformation to actual dates, it signals that you are more than just a night’s entertainment.
16. They ask you to stay.
A player usually has a well-defined environment. His home or office, even his car, is exactly what he wants and how he likes it. To bring another into this domain is almost unthinkable.
So if you have been asked to stay or offered a key, even just to drop off a plant, this is a strong sign they trust you. And trust in love, to a player, is everything.
17. They want to protect you.
Men generally care for and protect those they love. A player is no different. For evidence of this, look to his family – parents, siblings, and life-long friends.
When a player falls in love with you, his hero instinct emerges. He wants to protect you and keep you safe. This worry is a sure sign you have captured a piece of his heart.
18. They offer emotional support.
Along with protecting, a player in love will want you to be happy. He may show up to listen if you have had a bad day. Or, if you have experienced tragedy, rest assured you will have someone to lean on or even take over if necessary.
19. They admire your character.
In the philosophy of a player, beauty and charm are essential. Anything after that is icing. But once a player develops feeling for you, he will look past the initial attraction.
Respect and admiration for the inner you – your character or personality – grows.
So, if you hear a sincere congratulation for your achievements, it is a good bet your player is in love.
20. They express interest in your friends.
Meeting friends and family is a milestone in any relationship. But for a player, it is a proverbial no-go because it cannot be undone once done, and there are always questions.
Since a player circulates through numerous love interests, it is unthinkable to have to explain everyone to your parents or best friend.
But if there is an expressed desire to meet those most important to you, he is interested in getting to know you better.
21. They invite you to meet their friends.
Similar to meeting your friends, if a player invites you to meet his inner circle of family or friends, this is a significant step for him.
These are the people he loves and trusts, and introducing you into that circle, even for an evening, signals a willingness to commit to a more substantial relationship.
22. They talk about the future.
Real players are noncommittal. One of their most telling characteristics is the inability to get a definitive answer about anything. So just like making real dates, if there is a trend toward making plans.
These can be short weekend getaways or planning a mutual career move. Regardless, there is the distinct possibility that your player has fallen in love.
23. They are still there.
By nature, players have many options and short attention spans. Their relationships tend to be short-lived, mainly to avoid expectations and inevitable feelings.
So months or even years later, if you are still on a relatively consistent footing, then there is a good chance that their feelings for you go beyond a fun movie date.
Final Thoughts
Patience, loyalty, and trust are essential to any relationship. And while these aspects are paramount to a player, they are also important to someone recovering from a traumatic relationship or a special friend.
