I was speaking to a client the other day, and she was super excited to tell me that she’d met this amazing guy, and sparks were flying.
The only problem was that he was moving pretty fast. He was texting and calling and wanted to see her all the time. He took her out Thursday night and wanted to see her on Friday and again on Saturday!
She likes him, so she wants to spend time with him. But I told her to slow things down because it’s so important to pace the progression of your connections (Little Love Step #5) at this stage when dating.
Here are three reasons why you’ve got to move slowly like a tortoise, even if you get that urge to sprint ahead.
- It gives you time to really get to know someone
in the first one to two months of dating, people are usually wearing some sort of mask and not showing you their whole hand. This is normal because you’ve just met and are still feeling each other out.
But we need to see what that man is like underneath the mask before we go exclusive with him and before we commit our heart to him.
Exclusivity is a big deal. You’re removing yourself from the dating field and declaring that this is the person you see a long-term future with. Let yourself really get to know someone so you can make the right choice for you and the life you want to build.
- It allows you to be in control of the process
When you pace things and tell a man you want to take things slow and get to know him before you commit, it does two powerful things.
#1. It builds tension in your connection.
#2. It puts you firmly in the power seat and keeps him chasing you. And this is exactly where you want to be.
When you move slower than he wants to move, it will automatically make him want to speed things up!
- It gives you an opportunity to weed out the men who can’t handle pacing
Some men (like love bombers) are far too controlling and can’t stand it when a woman doesn’t do what they say, and these men tend to be terrible long-term partners.
In the early stages of dating, the problem is that these guys can be difficult to spot because they’re on their best behavior, trying to wine and dine you.
So when you hit the brakes, it gives you a great opportunity to see which men are okay with that. Who is okay with you setting the pace and following suit, and who throws all their toys out of the baby stroller?
Ditch the baby stroller guys, and continue dating the men happy to match your pace.