What does it mean to be unconventional? Is it about rebellion, being an outsider, causing dissent? In some cases, and for some people, maybe. For me it’s something gentler, yet just as radical: It’s about you being you. And in a world where you are taught to be many other things, and follow a thousand different routes, people, and experiences — choosing to be you is about as unconventional as it gets. Which I find bizarre! Way more bizarre than the four choices I’m about to introduce you to, which incidentally, will take you to the incredible space of BEING YOU with great ease. Being you is the most joyful route you can take to creating change of any kind in your life.
Unconventional Choice #1: Stop trying
Is it possible to change your life by no longer trying to change your life? Yes! I hereby invite you to stop trying to control who and what comes into your experience, how things should be, how people behave, how people respond to you, perceive you, and anything and everything in between.
When we’re willing to drop all expectations, predictions, and assumptions about how life should be — and how we should be — we finally allow the space for real change to occur. Until then, we’re stuck in a limited space where we can only see and have what we’ve decided or assumed we can see and have.
A great way to practice this is to start small. Consider what you’re expecting of the rest of today. What if the day deviates from the expectations or plans you have in place?
Are you able to take a breath and put this question out to the universe: What wonderful experiences are possible for me today that I’ve never dared to imagine?
You’re only required to ask, let go, and see what shows up. What if you really let yourself be delighted and surprised? And what if you did that every day?
Unconventional Choice #2: Realize you’ve been buying into other people’s ideas and beliefs
So many of us construct our lives based on what other people think a successful or acceptable life looks like — and if that sounds crazy, and not at all like you, please keep reading — because this can be subtle and easy to miss.
Take a moment to look at an area of your life. Select one of the following: your finances, your body, your relationship, your home. Go with the one you’re least happy with right now and consider why.
What do you think that area should it look like? What makes a successful bank balance, a healthy body, the perfect relationship, or the ideal home?
When you’ve got a sense of it, perhaps in the shape of an image or a definition, ask yourself:
Who does that image or definition belong to?
Please note you’re not looking to get an exact answer here, simply perceive how you feel after asking the question. You might get a sense of lightness, even a lifting away of obligation — just from asking.
That lightness is your indication that the version of success you’ve been striving for doesn’t belong to you — along with a million other ideas, beliefs, judgments, definitions, and conclusions picked up over the course of your life.
We’re kind of like psychic sponges; since being kids we’ve been absorbing the thoughts and feelings of so many people and institutions: our parents, the school system, workplaces, friendship groups… We take all those beliefs on and think they’re true for us, then we build our lives around them. That’s why this choice is so unconventional because the alternative is so ingrained and normalized.
Asking, who does this belong to? to all the conclusions you have about what life should be like is the beginning of you coming to understand that so much of it has zero to do with what YOU want — and from there you’re able to choose differently. Choice #3 will help with that.
Unconventional Choice #3: Energy over logic
Think of a time you were happy, joyful, or carefree. How did you feel, in your body, and in your being? Heavy or light? My guess is light — just as, if you tried the exercise above, you may have sensed lightness when you asked who the image of success belonged to.
That lightness is your knowing. It’s a beautiful, simple, easy to access, instantaneous energy. And it’s an energy that has the power to help you create your life, one light choice at a time. Whenever you’re faced with a choice, always go for what is lightest – it’s your inner guidance system.
This means being so unconventional that you’re willing to make the choices which aren’t logical, aren’t supported by data, or even experience. It takes courage but choosing what’s light for you will create your greatest possible future.
What if you chose to use your inner guidance system for the rest of today, and this week, and the one after — always going in the direction of what makes you happier?
Unconventional Choice #4: Be willing to lose yourself
This is possibly the most unconventional choice of all. We’re so used to being defined that when we meet someone new, we usually describe ourselves by our job title, our family role, our character traits, our preferences… In essence we’ve been taught to always have a point of view about who we are. Being more YOU is not about finding more things to define yourself as — far from it. Being you is a space of possibility. It’s free and flowing, without boundaries, conditions, labels. It’s about being willing to let go of all conclusions, not just about who we are but also about what we create in our lives.
What if every day, every moment, was a chance to start anew? What if you began each day with this question: Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures can I have?
Questions are such amazing catalysts for change, and they keep us out of conclusion and definition. Ask questions, and be the energy of curiosity, in as many situations as you can. Being willing to be undefined, again and again — that’s what takes you to the space of infinite possibilities.
These four unconventional ways of being, seeing, and living in the world are rarely chosen, so as you’ve read this article you might have felt uncomfortable as you contemplated them. Take that as a great sign — it means you’re being daring enough to introduce a modicum of chaos to your life — and chaos is a catalyst for change. Each one of these choices takes you closer to being more of you, so there is no way you can get this wrong.
If you can allow yourself to play and experiment with these choices, you’ll be setting yourself off on a trajectory for a way happier, way greater, and a much more fulfilling future than you could ever imagine.
Be unconventional, be undefined, be YOU.
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Celebrating the Gift of Our Differences – 2nd Annual International Being You Day on May 22nd
Initiated by Dr Dain Heer, author of the bestselling book Being You, Changing the World, this registered national day was created to invite people to move away from the comparison trap and judgment as deciding factors for happiness, and empower them with the tools to experience the joy that comes from being themselves. The day will be celebrated with inspiring video content, hourly prompts, and challenges at beingyouday.com. This will include 24 free exercises designed to help people rekindle their joy and invite them to find out what is true for them. On May 22nd at 1:00 p.m. CT, Dr Dain Heer will livestream for a special 1-hour presentation that anyone can tune into called, Being You: Being The Change You Know is Possible. To ensure participants don’t miss out on videos, content and reminders in the lead up to the day, please visit this interactive Telegram thread. Everyone is welcome to join and connect on this day. Let’s celebrate the gift of Being You! Find more at www.beingyouday.com.
