5 Ways To Manage Personal And Collective Grief, From A Therapist

October 16, 2023

Grief is a universal human experience, especially when it’s a collective grief we can all feel. And in those moments, in order for us to do our part in the world, we must also take care of ourselves. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and as grief and trauma therapist Gina Moffa, LCSW tells mindbodygreen. Collective trauma impacts everything down to our nervous system.

“With loss, there’s a profound full body experience we don’t fully understand,” she explains, adding, “Society’s always equated grief with the loss of a loved one, but it’s really triggered by so many things, and it can be incredibly deeply personal.”

Grief can be thought of as the felt loss of anything that is significant or important to us, according to Moffa, who recently authored Moving on Doesn’t Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide To Navigating Loss. “Even the loss of safety—and that can can come from collective stuff, even if it’s not necessarily happening near us,” she adds.

Here’s what Moffa recommends to her clients who are feeling the impact of collective trauma and grief.

1.

Prioritize safety & care

When the collective is hurting, we hurt, and it comprises our sense of safety. Plus, more often than not, we also tend to put our self care on the backburner, Moffa adds. “So it’s so important to create a safe environment for yourself, and promote your own physical and emotional wellbeing, like with a mindfulness routine, getting enough rest, drinking enough water, and getting out into nature” she explains.

Not only that, but give yourself permission to simplify things, or as Moffa puts it, go back to basics. “I think we don’t take it back to basics enough when we’re overwhelmed—even just hydrating and eating enough can go by the wayside, so trying to engage in things like that will be helpful.”

2.

Build structure into your life

Along with basic aspects of caring for yourself like eating and hydrating, structure and routine also tend to slip when we’re going through a tough time. “When there’s chaos and uncertainty, we sort of don’t have enough structure, so everything feels chaotic,” Moffa tells mindbodygreen.

As such, she recommends implementing some extra structure in your days where you can. Whether that’s designating time for screen time and putting your phone down otherwise, or getting back in the habit of hitting the gym on your way home from work, “It helps us restore a sense of normalcy to our lives, and have a predictable framework when there’s chaos around us,” Moffa explains.

3.

Practice empathy and self-compassion

This one is two-fold: normalizing empathy while also having self-compassion. Collective trauma and grief is somewhat of a different beast than the personal grief we feel on a more micro scale—but both have a place in this conversation.

As Moffa explains, empathy ought to be normalized, and further, celebrated, because it speaks to how interconnected we feel to each other. That’s a beautiful thing, and your brain and body are reacting appropriately when you recognize collective trauma.

At the same time, be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion, acknowledging that in tougher times things are more difficult to manage. “It’s really easy to say, ‘Just be nice to yourself,'” Moffa notes, “but I think it’s really important to not judge yourself for not knowing enough, or not being able to do enough. Having self compassion when we’re feeling helpless is a really important thing.”

4.

Know your emotional limits

In times of collective trauma, it can feel impossible—and even wrong—to look away. Nevertheless, according to Moffa, it’s important to know your emotional limits when such trauma starts to permeate your wellbeing, triggering trauma responses and emotional reactions, and leading to helplessness and hopelessness.

“We can become absolutely paralyzed with grief and trauma. Emotions are contagious,” Moffa explains, “so it’s OK to give yourself permission to turn things off if you find you’re becoming totally dysregulated. It’s understanding your emotional limit.”

The point here is not to bypass, turn a blind eye, or pretend everything is fine, but rather to protect your capacity to do what you can, when and where you can. We don’t want to feel hopeless or paralyzed, and as Moffa says, being bombarded with trauma 24/7 is not going to help with that.

Last but not least, Moffa says, reach out to support networks or a mental health professional if you’re struggling. “It’s okay to need guidance and support to navigate times of collective trauma—and just to have the support,” she says, adding, “It can provide us with understanding, a safe space to share our experiences and feelings, and connection with people who feel the same way.”

We all need to feel validated and supported, as well as have a sense of community so we don’t feel isolated and alone, according to Moffa, so don’t be afraid to ask for help.