After Years Of Chasing Success, Burnout Forced Me To Reconsider My Goals

July 1, 2023

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To back up for a minute: I grew up in a South Asian American family with a super high-achieving home culture. My dad is a professor, so education has always been very important to him. There was always this sense of guilt constantly weighing on me about how my parents sacrificed everything to give me a better life. In fact, my mom got pregnant when she was in grad school, and she ended up dropping out so she could help make money to raise me. 

With all of that in the back of my head, I ended up pursuing the “practical” fields of computer science and business. After graduating, I wound up taking a job in finance, and at a company with a super corporate, intense culture. I thought all of it was what I wanted. 

This job ultimately led to the most traditional definition of burnout—I was working all the time, and it seriously impacted my physical health. However, this was in 2012, and no one talked about mental health or burnout culture. We didn’t even know what to label it. So I just experienced physiological fatigue and exhaustion, but I didn’t know how to channel it. I remember trying to journal about what was bothering me, what I needed to get done, or what was causing my anxious feelings. 

And whenever I would start to notice those unsettling feelings creep in (usually every six to 12 months), I would just try to cover it with a bandaid solution and move along. Sometimes, I would pivot jobs, but that didn’t necessarily fix anything. With my computer science degree, I took several positions as a software engineer, as I was conditioned to believe in building a safety net. As a result, because I was living to achieve someone else’s dreams, burnout would creep back in.

Then, I ended up moving to San Francisco to start a new job at a company that was about to go public. I was dating a new guy (spoiler alert: my now husband). On paper, it looked like my life was pretty incredible. However, I was still waking up feeling tired, even when I wasn’t working long days. I was also constantly unhappy, cranky, and negative—all the things you wouldn’t necessarily expect as a high-achieving woman whose life was checking all her own boxes.

What I began to realize, however, was that I was chasing society’s definition of success—but not my own. I was living life on autopilot rather than one that aligned with my personal core values. It wasn’t just the amount of work that was causing my burnout; it was a lack of fulfillment in what I was doing every day, because I knew I wanted to be doing something else. 

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That epiphany led me to kickstart my journey of personal development and self-care. I began to think about how I might build a routine that would get me out of my current reality and propel me to where I needed to be. Of course, like many people, I wasn’t entirely sure what that would look like.

I vividly remember having conversations with my girlfriends, where they would talk about all these passions and ideas they wanted to bring to life, but then immediately, this fear and doubt would creep in. Ultimately, it wasn’t that they were putting off their dreams because they didn’t have time but rather had an issue with confidence. I started to recognize that I think people experience burnout when we’re not doing things that bring us joy. I also observed that women really learn from each other; when we talk about our goals and aspirations, we uplift each other in the process, and we are so much better as a collective. 

This is where the idea for Silk + Sonder was born. Inspired by the clarity I found through journaling, I wanted to use those same tactics to help others on a bigger scale. Using three elements—an app, physical journal, and community-based self-care platform—our brand offers guided journaling, emotional health tracking, and discussions to provide women with the tools to help reflect on what they want and need in their lives. The idea is to be proactive with our mental well-being practices, rather than wait until the problem is all-consuming. 

I acknowledge that while I now run a self-care company, I’m not immune to burnout. There are still many days when I have to check in with myself and be very intentional about taking a break. 

Now, I also have a few non-negotiables to help support my mental well-being on a regular basis. For instance, I try to start the day with my basic journaling routine—writing down three things I’m grateful for and three things I want to accomplish that day. Then I’ll do some kind of free-writing about what I’m trying to welcome into my life. 

I don’t take meetings before a certain time each day, because I like to wake up without an alarm clock to natural sunshine. I’ll also scroll through Sonder Club, our community group, because it connects me to my purpose at work.

One of my core values is expansion, so in the late afternoon, I love dedicating some uninterrupted time to reading and learning. Typically, I’ll follow that up with a workout class, and then I’ll do a bit more work so I feel prepared for the next day. 

On the weekends, my husband and I always plan on a date night so we can prioritize our connection. I also try not to have a jam-packed social schedule, because if I’m committing to too many things that don’t bring me joy or energy, I’ll feel exhausted and drained.

That said, I do seek out opportunities to network and build my sense of community (which I find is important for my well-being). For instance, most recently, I attended Apple’s Entrepreneur Camp, where I connected with a community of like-minded female entrepreneurs who offered amazing support and advice. 

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