The man was clearly distressed, complaining about how irrelevant he felt in his life. He felt that no one cared about him, paid attention to him, or took him seriously anymore. His wife tried to comfort him, but Brooks could hear how unhappy the man was, how inconsolable.
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When the plane landed and the lights came up, Brooks was shocked to discover he was a rich, famous, and well-respected man, someone everyone would recognize and who has achieved great heights in his career and was now in his eighties. This was a watershed moment for Brooks, who was in his early fifties at the time and at the height of his own career; it made him think, “I wonder how long I can keep this party going…this guy had ten times the party I ever had. And he was pretty unhappy.”
Why so many of us are trapped on the hedonic treadmill
Brooks would go on to write an entire book about how we have been working with what he calls the “misbegotten model of banking,” one that tells us if we gather up enough success and achievements, we can die happy.
Instead of fat savings accounts of Oscars, Pulitzers, and Nobels, Brooks thinks what we really need is a “happiness 401(k),” a plan for finding and cultivating ongoing, sustainable happiness, the kind that comes from understanding what truly brings enduring meaning to your life, not just the temporary states of being satisfied, full, proud, pleasured, or admired.
There’s nothing wrong with setting goals or having ambition as long as you understand that you won’t find enduring happiness in reaching those goals. So many of us make the mistake of thinking that when we just do X, then we will be happy. When I finally buy a house, I’ll be content. When I finally get tenure, I can relax. When I finally make a million dollars, life will be good.
There’s a name for this tendency humans have to run from one pleasure or goal to the next: the hedonic treadmill. The problem with the hedonic treadmill is its fundamental principle: that you always return to your baseline happiness. You could become the top-paid influencer in the world, and that would feel really good for a while, but then you would go right back to being as happy or unhappy as you were before. Except now, you’ve gotten a little dopamine hit and you can’t wait to jump right back on the treadmill and find another high.
This happens with money, fame, success, admiration—all the idols. They give us a bump of happiness, but it never lasts. And we always want more. Nothing will kill your joy faster than chronic dissatisfaction.
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So, what’s the solution?
Philosophers, theologians, social scientists, and happiness experts have been trying to answer this question for a very long time.
The problem is part biology—we are built to “explore and exploit” our environment to gain bigger and bigger prizes like food, water, and shelter. Getting those things feels good, so we want more and more. But once you have satisfied those basic needs, it gets a lot trickier.
The other problem is society—we are inundated by misleading images of what the good life looks like, whether that is a giant yacht or a splashy book review in the New York Times (I mean, we wouldn’t turn that one down). And so, we want, want, want according to what we see all around us. Humans are wanting machines, after all.
The trick is to manage those wants, understand that they are not the path to enduring happiness, and spend your personal resources more wisely. Can you climb the corporate ladder like there’s a rocket up your butt? Sure! But it means you are going to give up time with friends and loved ones, time in nature, time understanding yourself and the world, and time you could spend serving others and fostering connection with your fellow humans.
We’re all for diversifying your happiness portfolio.
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If you choose the idols of earthly delights, instead of making those big deposits in your happiness 401(k), you’re essentially spending all your money now. From where we stand, spending a little money now is great—life is also about enjoying the ice cream and the job well done, but it’s not only about that. We’re all for diversifying your happiness portfolio.
No one can tell you what your deeper purpose in life should be, nor should they. That’s a personal journey of discovery. Personally, we define purpose as a higher calling (or callings) that pushes you through the hard times, and the belief that what you’re doing is good and meaningful, and that it nourishes your body and your spirit.
Our friend Dan Buettner told us that one strong association between longevity and people who lived in the Blue Zones was a deep sense of purpose in their lives. The way he described it, “people know why they wake up in the morning.” This purpose is something that throughout their lives makes them feel relevant, needed, and connected to the world around them, which in turn has a powerful effect on health.
In our interview with Dan, he mentioned that if you could put purpose in a capsule, it would be a blockbuster drug, and that the National Institute on Aging has even quantified it. In one study they found that people who had a well-defined sense of purpose lived eight years longer1 than those who did not.
The takeaway
The big question now is, how do I find my purpose? While purpose is something everyone should be in the market for, it’s not exactly something you can go pick up at Target or work through in a few sessions with your therapist. You might need to spend some time searching for your purpose, reflecting on it, and committing to it.
Your purpose might already be there in the background; you just haven’t been paying enough attention. Or it might be something that shifts and morphs during the different phases of your life. Your purpose might be something that strikes you like a bolt of lightning.
A major theme running throughout this book applies here: it’s all personal. The best anyone can do is help guide you toward your own answers.
