Are you struggling to be happy as a single woman?
Whether you just came out of a long-term relationship or you’ve been single for the majority of your life, being a single woman can have some negative connotations. Your family might be convincing you that you’re running out of time to start a family. Movies might make you believe that your happiness depends on being in a relationship. Maybe you’re the kind of woman who has always struggled with being on your own.
But learning how to be single and happy is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
Because your happiness should not depend on your relationship status.
And if you’re not enjoying the single life, chances are it’s because you don’t yet realize how liberating and beautiful it can be.
So, are you ready to discover how to be happy being single?
Firstly, remind yourself of the benefits of being single
I could tell you about the joys of being single until the end of time. Looking for facts to back up my claims? I’ve got plenty of those for you.
Studies show that single people are likely to be fitter and healthier and have lower stress levels, and being in a bad relationship can lead to you becoming physically unhealthy. Single people tend to be thinner while being in a relationship leads to people gaining an average of 14 extra pounds. You also sleep better when you’re single, and single women reportedly have better mental health than married women.
My take on these stats? Being in an unhealthy relationship can cause major health issues, and sadly, a large percentage of people are just in bad relationships.
You can do whatever you want when you want
Relationships are all about compromising and ensuring each other’s needs are met. But when you’re single, you have no one to think about apart from YOURSELF. Many women think it’s wrong to be selfish sometimes, but you must make yourself a priority in your life. You should ALWAYS come first, and being single allows you to practice this.
If you want to order pizza at 2 AM, you can. If you want to drop everything and book a last-minute vacation to Hawaii, you can. And if you want to move towns, cities, or even continents, you can.
You get to know yourself on a deeper level
Have you ever taken the time to figure out who you truly are and what you want from life?
And if you have, when was the last time you checked in with yourself?
We are changing and evolving every second of every day. The woman you are today is different from the woman you were yesterday. If you put all your focus on your partner or your kids, it can stunt your growth. And it’s easy for the lines to blur and not know where you start and the other person begins.
But being single forces you to meet yourself on a deeper level—there’s no one to hide behind.
You have time and space to figure out what you want in a partner
Do you even know what you want from a relationship?
When was the last time you sat down and got clear on the kind of man you want to attract into your life?
Step #2 of my Little Love Steps centers on creating your love vision and reflecting deeply on the man and relationship compatible with your future.
You can work on enriching all the other areas of your life
Being single allows you to put your energy into all the other parts of your life that often get ignored when you’re coupled up. Your work, hobbies, interests, friends, and family. There’s a tendency for people to make out like relationships are EVERYTHING. But having a romantic relationship is just one part of life.
When you’re single, you have so much more time and energy to devote to all the other parts. This is how you become a happier, more fulfilled, and inspiring woman.
Being single encourages you to evolve
Being in a relationship is often more comfortable for people than being alone.
Because your partner becomes your excuse for not facing or addressing your own thoughts, beliefs, dreams, and fears.
But when you’re single, you have no choice but to face and meet yourself. This will lead to you taking better care of yourself on all levels: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
And if being on your own makes you uncomfortable, embracing this discomfort will lead to inner growth and confidence.
How to be happy single when all your friends are in relationships
One of the most challenging parts of being single is when EVERYONE around you is coupled up and seemingly smitten with their SOs. Every week, it seems like someone in your life finds their soulmate, gets married or has a baby. Meanwhile, you’re still a single pringle. And this can leave you feeling like you’re somehow failing at life. You start wondering why everyone else has found someone, and you haven’t. Maybe you begin to feel undesirable or unloveable. And perhaps it feels like you’re missing out on this amazing thing that everyone else is getting to experience.
But here’s what I want you to know:
You are desirable.
You are loveable.
And you are on your own journey here.
If your friends are all settling down, be happy for them. But also recognize and accept that you are not them. You are on a different path, and the ultimate destination is not a relationship. So quit comparing yourself to everyone else.
The next most important piece of advice I have for you is to start spending time with more single people. I don’t mean you have to ditch ALL your non-single friends instantly, but make sure you’re surrounding yourself with people who are in a similar place in life to you and can relate to your experiences.
Here’s my advice on how to be single
1. Firstly, figure out why being single bothers you
If every part of your body HATES being single, it’s time to figure out WHY being alone bothers you so much.
Are you afraid of being alone with your thoughts?
Do you use relationships as a security blanket?
Are you placing your happiness on someone else?
Do you feel like you’re not enough on your own?
When you’re not in a relationship, do you feel lonely?
Make a list of everything that you dislike about being single.
When you’re done, go through each line you wrote and think about why you feel this way. Where does this thought or belief originate? And is it true?
Next, write a list of why being single is AWESOME (because it is).
2. Schedule in regular alone time
If you don’t enjoy being on your own, you might tend to fill the void of a relationship with anything and everything else. But one of the best ways to learn how to be happy single and alone is to force yourself to spend quality time with yourself.
So be sure to schedule in regular alone time. Get to know yourself intimately—even if it scares you.
3. Be happy single by practicing gratitude
The only way to draw more opportunities, abundance, and love into your world is to appreciate everything you already have. What you appreciate grows.
So, what do you have to be grateful for today?
Start with the fact that you’re here right now reading this. That’s more than a lot of people could wish for.
Even if you don’t have the relationship you desire, recognize that you have plenty to be thankful for.
4. Remember that you are in control of your happiness
“The belief that your happiness hinges on an external circumstance that you can’t control (i.e., meeting a romantic partner) not only makes it harder to find love, but it also sets you up for unhappiness. Letting go of the maddening myth that happiness comes from coupling up is the first step to freedom. Stressing out about meeting someone will not help you meet that person any faster. The healthiest way to increase your chances of finding love is to increase your happiness, right now.”
―Jenny Taitz, author of How to Be Single and Happy.
I want you to know that nobody out there can make you happy. That’s on you. It always has been, and it always will be. So think about what YOU can do today to feel happier within.
I’m famous for telling the women in my mastermind program that the moment you become truly happy being single is the exact moment an amazing man will pop into your life and make you UNsingle. It’s always the way!
5. Make peace with your past
Accept what happened, learn what you can from the lessons, and walk into new experiences as the woman you are today. Not yesterday. Not last month. TODAY.
If you’re struggling with this step, explore working with a therapist or dating coach.
6. Avoid putting your life on hold while you wait for Mr. Right to show up
If you were in a relationship tomorrow with the man of your dreams, how would you live your life differently?
Would you feel sexier?
Would you travel more and see the world?
Maybe you’d start a family.
Whatever it is that you’re waiting to do, start working on it NOW. The family one might sound wild, but you have options as a woman today if you’re worried about running out of time to have kids.
7. Do some soul searching
Do you know who you are and what you want?
When was the last time you asked yourself that question?
Figure out what you need to do to be happy today. Take the time to connect with your intuition, discover what you truly want from life, what your love and attachment styles are, and how you communicate. The more you follow your most authentic path, the more likely you will meet people who align with the kind of future you want to build.
8. How to be happy single: love yourself first
The number one thing I teach all the women I work with is to focus on themselves before looking for love.
Because YOU are the most important relationship, you will EVER have. Love yourself the way you’d love someone you deeply care about. Practice self-compassion. Take care of yourself. Appreciate your body. Explore your sensuality. Treat yourself to a beautiful bouquet of your favorite flowers. Take yourself on a date.
9. Cultivate real independence
Too many people jump from one relationship straight into the next one. When their relationship ends, they feel so lost because they’ve become completely attached to that person or even codependent. They’ve forgotten who they are as an individual.
So now is the time to cultivate independence. Do things on your own that you usually wouldn’t (like go to a festival). Figure something out that you’d usually ask for help with (like changing a tire on your car). Create a rich, vibrant life that makes you feel sovereign and empowered.
Do this, and you’ll go into new relationships purely because you want to, not because you think you need to.
10. Try new things
You have more free time to play with when you’re single because you don’t have to work around someone else’s schedule. So make the most of this while you can. Take classes in the evenings. Try new hobbies at the weekend. Wake up early and hit the gym. Explore that side hustle that has been on your mind forever. Travel more. Do something you always loved doing as a child.
This is a brilliant opportunity to finally try all those things on your bucket list. And who knows who you’ll meet on your way?
11. Enjoy your freedom
I cannot stress this one enough. The best way to learn how to be happy single is to ENJOY the freedom you have to do precisely what you want when you want, and with whoever you want.
I see too many people complaining about their single status when they should be cherishing it.
EARTH TO SINGLE WOMEN EVERYWHERE: You’re not sick, you’re SINGLE!
12. How to be happy single when you want a relationship: start meeting new people
Is it possible to learn how to be happy single when you deeply crave a relationship?
Do everything on this list to reach a place where you feel comfortable and confident being on your own but are still open to love.
Once you’re there, take control of your love life and put yourself out there. In my Love Accelerator program, I encourage every woman to set a weekly social score for herself. Each week, you commit to going to a set number of events, meetups, or dates. If you want something in life, you need to take action and pursue it. Love is no exception.
Embrace the single life
There’s a reason why you’re single right now. You’re on a journey of self-discovery, healing, and evolution. Your job right now is to do the inner work to become the woman you’re meant to be. And when you do, you’ll find your way to Mr. Right.
Relationships are incredible, but they are no replacement for your own love and acceptance. If you’re single, you owe it to yourself to use this time to deepen your relationship with yourself.
What’s the thing you struggle with most about being single? Let me know in the comments below.
PS. If you’re ready to start making men pursue you for love, then join me on this free webinar to discover the 3 steps to building emotional attraction – Register here to get started (it’s 100% free).