Do you want to know how to get over a guy and reclaim your power?
Great news—you’re in the right place.
Maybe he broke up with you, or you were the one who ended things. Maybe this guy is from five minutes ago, or even five years ago. It might have been an “almost” relationship, or it might have been the breakdown of the only relationship you’ve had your whole life.
No matter what your story is, it doesn’t change the reality that losing someone is hard. Trust me, I’ve been there.
And I know it’s not as easy as follow these steps, and everything will be perfect. Because you’re a real person with real feelings, and love is messy and complicated.
But the truth is, you need to get over this guy because you deserve to move on.
I can’t tell you how long it will take for you to heal, but I promise you will.
Here’s how to get over a guy and take your power back today.
This first step may be the most difficult one, but it’s also vital if you want to begin the process of moving on and healing your heart.
It’s time to cut all contact with him.
What do I mean by “contact?”
Texts, tweets, phone calls, watching his Insta stories, Facebook stalking, and of course, in-person rendezvous.
Every time you talk to this guy or spend time with him, all your feelings and memories will come flooding back, and you’ll be left feeling confused and hurt all over again.
This may be tough, but if you’re serious about moving on, I recommend blocking him on all social media channels and deleting his number from your phone.
And if you can’t avoid him altogether (e.g., you work together), keep conversations and interactions to a minimum. Avoid gatherings where you know he’ll be there. And don’t talk about your feelings with mutual friends or co-workers.
Accept how you feel.
Whatever your feelings are as you distance yourself from this guy, they are valid. So give yourself permission to feel them.
It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Sadness, pain, anger, loss, grief, resentment, loneliness. This is all part of the healing process. You have to go through these waves of emotions to get through to the other side.
So resist the urge to ignore or fight your feelings. Because when you do this, you end up giving them more focus and more power.
You might be wishing you could fast forward to the part where you wake up feeling beautiful, you just started seeing a new man, and life feels perfect again. Unfortunately, you can’t skip past your emotions. So do whatever you feel you need to do.
Cry. Scream. Spend all day in bed. Listen to sad songs. Watch movies filled with meet-cutes and shout about how ridiculous it is that everyone ends up happily ever after.
Give yourself as much time as you need.
There are no timelines to follow when it comes to getting over someone you dated or loved. It doesn’t matter if you never even properly dated; it can still hurt when your love isn’t reciprocated.
It’s vital right now that you’re kind and patient with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up or judge yourself for how you’re feeling. Give yourself plenty of time and space to process what happened.
Accept it’s over.
Some couples seem to break up then make up every week. But unless you’re in a relationship like that, it’s likely that it’s over for good.
So, the next step in how to get over a guy is to accept that the relationship is over. Avoid clinging on to hopes about him changing his mind or you getting back together in the future. Thoughts like these will only delay your healing process.
Sometimes couples do get back together, and that space was all they needed to realize they were perfect for each other. But you can’t predict the future. And you want to get to the position where even if he does come running back to you, you’ve fully moved on and are happy to leave it in the past.
Write a list of qualities you liked about him.
This might sound counterintuitive right now, but there’s a method to my madness!
Write down a list of all the things you liked about this guy and everything that attracted you to him.
This will help get all those thoughts circulating in your head out of there and onto paper.
Hopefully, this will stop you from obsessing over how amazing he is. Plus, you now have a list of all the qualities you want and like in a man. This is all part of my seven little love steps to attracting your dream man. And this list will be beneficial when you’re ready to get back out there and start meeting new guys.
Write an equal list of things you disliked about him.
The other part of this exercise is to write a list of all the things you don’t like about him.
Some women find this challenging to do, while others find it wildly liberating and therapeutic. You won’t know until you start putting pen to paper.
But either way, it’s essential you write both lists and try and keep them roughly equal in length.
The point of this exercise is to show yourself that he isn’t perfect. Chances are, he has an equal amount of qualities and flaws (like we all do). This will stop you from focusing on all the reasons why he’s amazing and help you remove those rose-tinted glasses.
Think about what went wrong (and right).
In this study, 200 people who recently experienced a breakup were assessed over nine weeks. They were asked to relive the breakup, share observations of the relationship and their feelings. Some participants visited the lab four times and answered more questions more often, while others only visited twice. The study found those who visited more regained their sense of self faster after the breakup than those who visited less.
So taking some time to evaluate your relationship can be a great way to feel better faster.
I recommend making a list of all the things that went wrong and right during your time together. You might need an objective friend to help you out with this and give you the truth that you might still be blind to.
Be honest in identifying your part in both the good and bad. This will show you where you can do better in your next relationship.
You’re already feeling bad about losing this guy, whatever he was to you. Don’t make the situation worse by also feeling bad about yourself.
If you’re feeling guilt over what happened or blaming yourself for things ending, it’s time to let yourself off the hook. Forgive yourself. What’s done is done.
It’s easy to look back in hindsight and overanalyze things and pick apart every detail, thinking coulda woulda shoulda. But this won’t change what happened, and it sure as hell; won’t make you feel better.
Remember: Not everyone is a match.
It’s hard not to take rejection personally. It triggers all those painful past memories we have of someone telling us we’re not good enough or loveable and convinces you that you are the problem.
You might start thinking things like:
Maybe I’m not sexy enough in bed.
Was my laugh too annoying?
If I were skinnier, he would have loved me.
These thoughts are ridiculous.
The truth is, none of these things will matter when you’re with the right guy.
So he obviously wasn’t the right guy for you.
It’s time to say NEXT.
And if you need help finding the right guy, I’d love to help you.
Love yourself enough to move on.
Many women (and men) don’t realize the most important relationship you will EVER have is with yourself.
We think we’ll be happy and feel complete when we find that perfect person. But the truth is, everything you need is already within you. It all begins with you.
Until you realize this, you’ll end up dating guys who aren’t right for you, create unhappy relationships, and derive your self-worth and confidence from other people.
This is not where you want to be.
So it’s time to turn your attention inward and start focusing on self-love and care.
I’m not saying it will be easy or happen overnight. You have to be in it for the long-haul.
Think about ONE small step you can take each day to make yourself a priority and show yourself love.
Who knows where this will lead you?
I like to believe that everything in our life happens to us for a reason. Either it’s a blessing or a lesson.
You might not be able to see it right now, but this is not happening to you; it’s happening for you. And someday in the future, you will look back at this blip and realize that it set you on a better path.
Maybe this guy really was amazing, and maybe he wasn’t. But either way, there are so many incredible men out there who you are yet to meet.
Stop telling yourself this sucks and focusing on the negatives. Start shifting your perspective and looking for the positives and the opportunity in this experience.
Clear out your house.
The next step for how to get over a guy is to have a deep cleanse.
Now, tidying up and cleaning might be the last things you feel like doing. But stick with me on this one.
Clearing away junk and memories of this guy and organizing your life can be uplifting and therapeutic. As you get rid of the old, you subconsciously welcome space for the new to flow in.
Be ruthless here, ladies. Get rid of any reminders of this guy, all clutter, and any personal belongings you no longer feel aligned with.
You may even want to go a step further and re-decorate your place.
Move your body.
Countless studies have proven that exercise can decrease depression, pain, anxiety, and stress and increase the production of endorphins to boost your mood. But exercise will be beneficial for you on so many levels right now.
It will help reduce the pain of losing this guy from your life. It will give you something new to focus your attention on and be a welcome distraction. Those endorphins will give you a natural high, which will supercharge your confidence. And your body will feel better and stronger too.
Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise each day. Find things you enjoy doing that make you feel empowered. For example, you might want to start running, kick-boxing, or even take a self-defense class.
Make a BIG change.
Your life may feel a little stagnant right now, and you’re probably stuck in a rut.
The best way to get yourself out of this is to make a BIG change.
Move apartments, or even move cities or countries. Get a new hairstyle or a total makeover. Find a new job you love and quit the one you hate.
Tune into your intuition and allow it to guide you here. Don’t do anything drastic for the sake of it. But if you feel called to make a BIG change, go for it!
Do something for yourself.
Now is the perfect time to start a new project, revive an old hobby or take up a new one.
Start that business you’ve always talked about. Join a book club. Organize a women’s meet-up group in your community. Learn how to bake bread. Book yourself into a fancy hotel for a night, order room service, and relax. Start salsa dancing. Get a three-hour massage.
Do something just for you because you’re worth it, and the distraction will be healthy and healing for you.
Step up your self-care ritual.
It’s normal to feel emotionally rundown right now, which means self-care is extra important.
Make sure your needs are being met and that you’re creating time and space for yourself.
Self-care can mean so many different things depending on what you need. Perhaps ten minutes of meditation, journaling, taking a bath, taking up a new hobby, exercising, cooking yourself a nutritious meal, painting your nails, reading a book, writing yourself a love letter, sorting your finances out, or even taking yourself on a date.
Make plans to look forward to.
I think we should all do this regularly, but making plans to look forward to is especially critical when you’re trying to get over a guy.
Just because romantic weekends away, dinner parties and summer vacations with your ex are out the window, it doesn’t mean you can’t have plenty of things to look forward to.
Think about booking a solo holiday for singles, a women’s retreat, and schedule some catch-up time with your loved ones.
Get the girls together.
If you’re wondering how to get over a guy and reclaim your power, there’s nothing quite as healing as getting your girlfriends together for a catch-up.
Female friendships are vital for women. There’s something you get from being with other women that a romantic relationship can’t possibly satisfy.
So get the girls together, give yourself permission to vent a little, and blow off some steam. Get dressed up, go out, have a night in, watch movies, go shopping—have fun.
Your friends are a much-needed support system, so don’t be afraid to lean on them in times of need. Let them be there for you, look after you, and remind you how fabulous you are!
And give yourself enough alone time.
Be sure to give yourself enough time on your own too. If you’ve come out of a long-term relationship, you might need some space to re-explore who you are outside the context of that partnership.
You’ve probably changed and grown in so many ways since you last checked in with yourself.
Who are you now? What do you love? What do you need?
You have to figure these things out on your own first before jumping into a relationship. And there’s no better way to do that than by learning to enjoy your own company.
Know your worth.
Just because someone fell out of love with you or decided they didn’t want to be with you anymore, it doesn’t mean you’re undesirable or unloveable.
To remind yourself of how beautiful you are, write down a list of all the things that make you awesome, as well as all the reasons why any man would be lucky to be with you.
Read it back to yourself any time you need a reminder of your worth.
Embrace the single life.
Being single gets such a bad rep. It can be a ton of fun if you approach it the right way.
Think about all the things you can do now that you’re single.
Order takeaway whenever you want. Binge-watch your favorite show on Netflix. Stay in bed or get up at whatever time you want. Be completely selfish with your weekends. Flirt with handsome strangers. Decorate your house the way you like. Sell everything you own and book a one-way ticket around the world.
The world is your oyster. Embrace it.
When you’re ready, get back out there.
If you follow all these steps for how to get over a guy, your feelings for him will weaken each day. Eventually, you’ll reach the point where you feel ready to get back out there and start meeting new guys.
Don’t rush the process, but give yourself permission to date when the time feels right. Meet new people, flirt, and have fun. Avoid jumping into a relationship too quickly. Enjoy the feeling of being attractive and wanted again.
Conclusion: That’s how to get over a guy and reclaim your power.
As you continue to work on yourself and regain your independence and sexy confidence, you’ll realize one day that you’re finally over him. You haven’t thought about him in a while, and his memory no longer haunts you the way it once did.
You’re ready for bigger and better things and to find a stronger relationship that is more suited to the woman you’ve become.
I’d love to hear from you ladies and your experiences of moving on. What has been the most challenging step for you in getting over a guy, and when did you finally realize you were over it?
Let me know in the comments below.
Also, if you’d like to join me on a brand new webinar to learn “why men flake, avoid commitment and consistently ghost until they meet a woman who’s following these 7 simple steps”, then register here (it’s 100% free).