Have you ever wondered how to know if someone is right for you?
Some people say opposites attract. Others say you have to have shared interests and values. People raise their eyebrows at couples with a certain age gap, while some have been happily married for years. Some people meet the love of their life at 16, while others don’t until they’re 46. Some people tell you to live in the present, while others recommend you think of your future. “Follow your heart,” they say. “No, use your head,” others say.
What the heck?! Who should you believe? With all the conflicting advice, it’s normal to ask yourself, “am I with the right person?”
I’m answering this million-dollar question in this article.
Here’s how to know if someone is right for you
1. He wants a relationship
Sounds obvious, right? But you’d be surprised how many women continue to date men who have specifically said they’re not looking for anything serious or are stalling on commitment.
If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him! This is not code for “the right woman will make me change my mind.”
The longer you date someone and invest your energy in them, the more disappointed and hurt you’ll be when things eventually combust.
2. You feel it
How to know if someone is right for you… you will feel it inside. This is also known as intuition.
We’ve all had experiences where our inner voice was screaming at us to do (or not do) something, but we didn’t listen, and we regretted it.
Similarly, you might have had an experience where you did listen to that inner guidance, and it ended up being one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.
If you feel good about this man, and you have no niggling doubts, this is a good sign.
3. He’s not trying to change you
You know if someone is right for you when you feel fully accepted. He isn’t trying to slowly mold you into someone you’re not. For example, he doesn’t try to discourage you from spending time with certain friends or tell you not to wear a particular outfit. And you don’t feel like you’re wearing a mask and trying to be someone you think he wants.
Yes, we all have flaws, some of which need to be worked on (like impatience, looking at the glass half-empty, and procrastination). But in a healthy, loving relationship, there is total acceptance. If there isn’t, then you aren’t compatible.
4. It’s comfortable being around him
Here’s how to know if someone is right for you: pay attention to how they make you feel when you’re together.
Do you feel at ease and comfortable? Or do you feel anxious and on edge?
It’s normal for there to be disagreements between two people, so naturally, there will be times when you feel frustrated, angry, or disappointed. But this should be the exception, not the norm. Overall, you should feel relaxed and safe when you’re with him.
5. You feel seen and heard
Does he do most of the talking and rarely ask you any questions? On the rare occasions when you do say something, does it get brushed over or outright ignored? These are signs that this guy is not interested in you as a person; he’s interested in you as an audience for his ego.
Or does he show a genuine interest in the things you talk about? Does he ask you further questions so he can learn more? Does he remember what you told him weeks or months later? These are clear signs he will make a great mate.
6. You’re willing to be vulnerable with him
You know if someone is right for you if you can be fully open with them.
Do you want him to see the real you? Can you fully let your guard down and open your heart to him? And does he do the same with you?
Vulnerability is essential for building an emotional connection. Without this, a relationship will never progress to something deeper than a physical connection.
7. You feel respected
When thinking about how a man makes you feel, you’ve got to ask yourself if you feel respected. Does he respect your boundaries? Does he value your opinion even if it’s the polar opposite of his? And does he sometimes say and do things that aren’t in his best interests because he knows they’re in yours?
These are all signs of a man who respects you.
As I mentioned earlier, all couples argue. But even during those moments when things have heated, you should feel safe and respected. Shouting, name-calling, being spiteful and crossing boundaries are all signs of disrespect.
8. You’re happy spending time apart
There is such a thing as spending too much time together. If you’re with each other every night, every weekend, and have no space, you’ll quickly become codependent. This is not healthy! Both of you need to have a life independent from each other. This is good for you and your relationship. There should be enough trust and respect there that it’s not a big deal if you want to go on holiday with the girls to Vegas or if he’s going out Saturday night with his buddies.
If you feel happy spending time apart but just as happy when you’re together, this is a great sign!
9. Commitment doesn’t scare you
It’s okay if you don’t believe in marriage and don’t want children. Those are not prerequisites to having a healthy, long-term relationship. But a lot of the time, people don’t want to commit because, in their hearts, they don’t believe this is the right person for them.
If the idea of committing to this man doesn’t scare you but rather fills you with excitement, this is a great sign.
10. He wants you to be happy
How to know if someone is right for you—they genuinely want you to be happy, and you want them to be happy too.
While it’s important that we take care of our own needs, our partner’s needs should be on par with these. If a man constantly puts his best interests ahead of yours, he’s not a keeper.
11. He’s there for you when you’re sad
Not all days will be bright, cheery, happy ones. One of the clear signs you’re dating a kind and compassionate man is if he’s attentive to you when you’re feeling down.
Does he pause whatever he’s doing so he can be there for you? Does he do his best to solve whatever problem you’re having? This is what a compassionate person does.
Or is he distracted or dismissive of your feelings? Does he tell you to “stop being silly” or criticize you for showing emotions? Reactions like these will make you feel like your partner isn’t there for you during times of need and emotional distress, and you deserve better.
12. He excites you
Even if you’ve been with this man for months or years, you still get that child-like feeling of excitement when you’re with him. Like when you see him after a week of traveling out of town for business or when you get dressed up and go out on date night.
In a long-term relationship, it’s normal for things to feel boring sometimes. That initial honeymoon period has an expiry date. It cannot last forever, no matter how sexy the person you’re dating is. But that fire will remain lit, and sparks will fly.
13. And he’s just as excited by you
It’s more common for men to chase women who aren’t into them (because they enjoy the challenge). But some women like to chase men for similar reasons.
It might sound obvious, but the person who is right for you won’t be someone you have to chase or convince to be with you. They will be just as excited to be with you as you are.
14. He inspires you
You know you’re with the right person when they encourage and inspire you to grow and achieve all your goals, no matter how lofty they are.
The right man will be your cheer squad, backing you from the sidelines and supporting you every step of the way. He’ll be there to pick you up when you stumble and celebrate with you when you win. You’re already motivated to become the best version of yourself that you can be, but he inspires you further.
15. You acknowledge and tolerate his flaws
I don’t want you ever to ignore giant red flags like drug issues, disrespect, abuse, violence, financial recklessness, narcissism, or gaslighting. Those are issues that must be addressed and should never be tolerated.
What I’m talking about here are character flaws that we all have and are manageable. Maybe he can become laser-focused when there’s something big going on at work, and he gets a little bit irritable. Maybe he constantly forgets to put the milk back in the fridge. Whatever it is, if you can live with it, this is a good sign he’s right for you.
16. You can trust him
This is a big one. Without trust, your relationship will not survive. This is why it’s incredibly hard to make things work after a breach of trust, such as cheating.
You know someone is right for you when you fully trust them. The longer you’re together, the stronger this trust grows. He has never given you a reason to doubt him.
17. He doesn’t hold you back, he encourages you to grow
I work with many super successful, Type-A career women in my coaching program. If this resonates with you, pay attention to how excited this man is by your success and ambitions.
If he encourages you to dream even bigger and is always happy for you when you succeed, he’s someone you want by your side for the long run. But if he always seems put out or threatened by your success or even tries to sabotage you, it’s time to say NEXT!
18. He fits into your life
How to know if someone is right for you… he fits seamlessly into your world. He gets along with your loved ones like a house on fire. You’ve got some shared interests while having your individual hobbies and passions. Yes, you have to work and compromise to some degree so your relationship can thrive. But it’s not like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole.
19. You talk openly about sex
While almost every couple has sex, you’d be surprised how many are still unable to have open and honest conversations about it. But this is so important! You’ve got to communicate your boundaries, what you need, and what you enjoy. If you don’t do this, you’ll likely find sex unfulfilling and be less inclined to have it—and where’s the fun in that?
20. You can be silly and serious together
This is an important mix! You need a man who can put his serious face on and have conversations with you about the hard, “adult” stuff. But having a man who can bust out a silly dance in the middle of the hallway, pull a funny face, and tickle you until your sides are in stitches is equally important!
And why should you settle for one or the other? Choose both.
21. You share the same values
Sharing hobbies like hiking and attending Broadway shows is great, but sharing values is more important. Your values are your beliefs, your morals, and your worldviews. These inform all the choices you make daily, including where you live, the work you do, your friends, whether you want to get married and have children, etc.
When you’re aligned on these big things, you know someone is right for you. When you look out into the future, your life together makes sense.
22. His words and actions match
Don’t pay much attention to what a man says. I mean, sure, listen to him. But what you want to pay attention to are his actions. Does he back up what he says with his actions? Or is he full of empty promises? Like when he says he’ll take you out for dinner Friday night, does he? Or does he bail at the last minute? It doesn’t matter how big or small his promises are; what matters is whether he is a man of his word.
If you’re looking for a man to spend the rest of your life with, choose someone who comes through on his promises.
23. You can healthily navigate conflict together
If a couple ever tells you they never argue, don’t believe them. They’re straight-up lying to you!
All couples argue. And if you do it the right way, it’s healthy.
What do I mean by that?
Arguing with clear communication, kindness, and respect. Knowing you can be honest, express your feelings, and be listened to. Remaining a team even during conflict, rather than treating each other like enemies. And never stooping to a level where you say something hurtful that you can’t take back.
If you can healthily navigate conflict together, you might have found your perfect match.
24. You want to work on your relationship
All relationships require constant work to flourish. Think of them like a flower. Unless it gets sufficient rain and sunlight, it won’t bloom. Relationships work the same way.
If you want to know if someone is right for you, ask yourself this question: are you willing to devote the time and effort to make it work?
Both of you must be all in; otherwise, the foundations will crumble quickly.
Remember, there isn’t just one person out there for you. There are many people we could all build amazing relationships with, and each would be different. So don’t stress out over whether you think he’s “the one” or not. If it feels right to you, and he’s ticking all the boxes on this list, what more of a sign do you need?
Which of these points do you think is most important when deciding if a man is right for you? Tell me what you think in the comments below!