Breakups are always painful.
And if your ex keeps pestering you, things can become even more messy and complicated.
You’re ready to go your separate ways, but it’s not so easy to avoid each other because of social media.
Whether you were dumped or did the dumping, it’s not uncommon for exes to lurk on your social media and watch your posts.
If you suspect your ex is stalking your profiles, they may be trying to grab your attention to get you back.
If you are dealing with an attention-seeking ex, the following answers will help you better understand their behavior and motivations.
How do you know if your ex is checking your social media?
Most social media platforms don’t have a feature that allows you to see who’s viewing your profile directly.
However, other subtle hints will give away if your ex has been checking up on you:
- If a new account with a name you don’t recognize follows you, it may be a fake profile created by your ex to stalk you.
- They randomly show up at a place you mentioned on social media at the same time as you.
- They accidentally like one of your old posts, or they frequently view your stories.
Having an ex who keeps looking at your social media can be confusing. The truth is, there are many reasons why they might be stalking you, such as:
- They want to get back together and are using social media to grab your interest, so you reach out to them.
- Your ex feels hurt, so they want you to keep thinking of them so you can’t move on from the relationship.
- They are harboring bitter feelings from the breakup and are manipulating you with mind games.
- Your ex truly misses you and simply looks at your profile to reminisce on your memories together.
How do you know if your ex is trying to make you jealous?
If your ex is lurking on your social media, they may be trying to make you jealous. Perhaps they’ve been posting about their love life or keep bragging online about how great their life is.
This behavior might make you question why you broke up with them. Why were they able to move on so much faster than you?
Don’t be fooled because these are often signs your ex is trying to get a reaction out of you.
You’re ready to put your breakup behind you, but your ex is lurking in the shadows.
The following are signs your ex is trying to get your attention on social media.
Every time you post a new photo, your ex is always the first to like or comment on it. So what gives? This is their way of attempting to keep themselves at the forefront of your mind.
After all, every time you see a notification with their name, you stop and think of them. By liking every new photo you post, they can get in your head as much as they want.
2. They send you memes or jokes.
You haven’t spoken to your ex since the breakup, but you notice they keep sending you memes or random jokes they come across on social media. It can seem innocent at first. You know each other so well, so it’s only natural that you share a similar sense of humor.
However, this can be their way of luring you into a conversation. If you reply to the memes they send, they will eventually switch the topic back to your relationship.
3. They unfollow you and then follow you again.
You go to your social media profile and notice you’ve lost a follower. Upon investigation, you realize it was your ex. This leaves you scratching your head, wondering, “Did he unfollow me for attention?”
Sometimes, exes choose to unfollow after a breakup because it’s too painful to watch you move on from the relationship. However, if they unfollow and then quickly follow you back again, it’s their way of trying to grab your attention.
4. They post content constantly when they never did before.
Maybe your ex was never really a huge fan of social media. Throughout your entire relationship, you can count on two hands the number of times they posted something on social media. Now that you’ve broken up, however, they’re constantly posting!
If you’re asking yourself, “Why is my ex posting so much on social media?” the answer could simply be that they’re trying to get you to watch their posts in hopes that you’ll miss them and come crawling back.
5. They accidentally “like” one of your old posts.
Your ex hasn’t reached out to you since you broke up, but suddenly you receive a notification of a “like” on one of your posts.
When you view the notification, you realize they liked one of your old posts! It might mean they were stalking your profile and accidentally clicked the “like” button.
You may find that after you refresh the page, the notification disappears. Your ex likely realized their mistake, panicked, and un-liked the post quickly. Or, they did it on purpose to grab your attention and confuse you.
6. They message you just to “catch up.”
Maybe you and your ex agreed to cut off contact with each other after the breakup. That way, you both can move on in peace. Unfortunately, they keep going back on their word. They message you constantly just to say “hey” or catch up.
You may feel tempted to reply and make small talk, but this is often a trap. They know that if you respond, they can rope you into a longer conversation.
7. They find and add you on every platform.
Perhaps you were only friends with your ex on a few social media platforms. However, after the breakup, they find and add you on every platform they can find.
It gives them multiple avenues to check up on you and keep track of your activities. Not only that, but it’s a way of getting your attention by reminding you that they are still interested and invested in your life.
8. They are always viewing your stories.
Since breaking up, your ex has stopped liking your posts and interacting with you on social media. However, every time you post a Snapchat or Instagram story, you notice their account is one of the first who views it.
Your ex may want to appear as if they don’t care by avoiding liking your content, but they don’t want to risk losing your attention. They view every story you post to make you think of them to keep you hooked.
9. They make posts they know you’ll react to.
Because they were in a relationship with you, they know your likes, dislikes, and ultimately what will get a reaction out of you. Maybe you share a love of a particular band or music genre, so they start sharing content related to that.
They know you’ll be more likely to react or comment on those posts, and they use that to get you chatting with them again.
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10. They keep messaging you for closure.
If your ex keeps messaging you on your social media for closure, they likely have an ulterior motive. Maybe they genuinely wish to talk out the details of your breakup so they can move on in peace.
The more likely reason is that they’re trying to get you talking about the relationship so they can talk you into giving them another chance.
Whether or not you want to give your ex the closure they desire is up to you. Just be cautious of their motives before getting into the conversation.
11. They completely revamp their online presence.
After breaking up, your ex suddenly changes everything about their online presence. They delete all your old posts together and change their profile and cover photos. Even their social media habits are no longer the same!
If this is the case, you probably think you don’t even recognize your ex anymore. It can seem like they’re going through some kind of identity crisis, but they may just be trying to get your attention by making drastic changes.
If you were the dumper in your breakup, it’s no surprise if your ex starts sharing relatable posts about heartbreak or quotes about lost love and betrayal. This is often a way of trying to get your attention.
Rather than reach out to you in person, they attempt to communicate things to you in a more subtle, cryptic way. Not only that, but it also garners sympathy from others, which is exactly what your ex likely wants.
13. They post about how awesome their life is.
Maybe your ex was never really the type of person to brag, but now that you’ve broken up, they post constantly about how amazing their life is. The new place they just moved into, the fancy ride they just bought, and the promotion they received at work…all of that, and more is posted on their profile.
Your gut reaction may be a pang of jealousy, but consider that your ex is simply overstating their accomplishments to get under your skin.
14. They post openly about their love life.
After a breakup, one of the worst feelings is seeing your ex finally move on with someone new. It’s totally natural, but what if they seem to get over you immediately? They constantly post about dates they are going on and new people they’re seeing.
It makes you wonder why you haven’t moved on yet. If your ex seems too open and confident about their love life, it’s likely all a facade to make you jealous.
15. They tag you in posts that will remind you of inside jokes.
Your ex knows that they aren’t likely to get a response if they reach out to you directly. Instead, they try to communicate indirectly by tagging you in posts that will remind you of inside jokes or memories you share.
This kind of communication might feel harmless, but the truth is, your ex is baiting you into a conversation. If you respond to the post, they will think you’re open to further conversation.
16. They reply to your stories.
Maybe you post a story while on vacation, and your ex replies to remind you of a memory you share from that same place. Or, perhaps you post a flattering selfie, and your ex slides up to let you know how great you look.
This is just one tactic your ex might use to get your attention. They believe if they can get you engaged in a conversation, they’ll be one step closer to getting you back.
17. They start typing a message but never actually send it.
This feature on Snapchat allows people to see when you’ve started typing a message.
A common strategy for attention-seeking exes is to start typing a message, so you get that notification on your phone. However, they never actually send the message to you.
This leaves you wondering what was on their mind and why they felt the need to start typing a message to you. You may want to reach out and ask them what’s up, which is just what your ex wants to happen.
No matter what the circumstances of your breakup were, having an ex who is lurking on your social media is unsettling.
Maybe they are trying to make you jealous or realize that you two belong together. Whatever the reason, their behavior is a clear sign they are trying to get your attention.