An individual’s perspective: how to prepare for the possibility of finding love
It’s out there, just waiting for you. Hiding. Sometimes we look for it, but we put too much effort into it. It is impossible to compel love since love has its own set of standards. Love is not a missing person; rather, it is a combination of conditions that allow for the formation of healthy relationships.
Love is analogous to the soil that causes our plants to flourish and grow. They have the potential to thrive if provided with the proper elements. Simply sprinkling water on the plant while ignoring the soil will not ensure that the plant survives. Even if the plant appears to benefit from the irrigation at first, it will eventually die. The fact that we are yearning for love may make it hard since we will project our sentiments onto other people and misinterpret their signals, as some people believe. Fake love is a terrible mirage while we’re dying of thirst in the middle of a desert of loneliness.
Don’t be fooled by the signs
When we are looking for love, we are prone to confirmation bias. “They smiled at me, which indicates that they like me.” “I’m pulled to them, so they must be attracted to me as well, and if they aren’t, it will cause me to suffer.” “They are just what I require to feel complete, no matter how little we actually know regarding their individual aspects.”
Contrary to popular belief, the deepest sort of love does not follow the rule of attraction between opposites. While some couples start off well because they “complete” or complement each other – and some even survive – the likelihood that they will grow apart is high as their relationship progresses. People evolve over time. Circumstances may and do change.
We must be prepared in order for love to find us. Some of us are prepared for maturity by our early twenties, but many others are not. Knowing what ready looks like might be the difference between a hot, short-lived relationship and a warm, slow-burning, long-lasting one in a relationship. Here are a few checkboxes for you to take into consideration:
Compatibility
Understand what your bottom line is. If your fundamental principles do not align, you will not respect your partner. You can’t figure out what their values are unless you have a genuine dialogue with them. This should begin as soon as possible after the formation of an attachment – even the first meeting is not too soon. Also, be mindful of the situation in which you find yourself. Bars and parties are ideal environments for impersonation. Take that into consideration. If at all possible, schedule the second meeting during the day.
Communication
Yes, it’s that dreaded “C” word again. Pay close attention and use the phrase “it appears to me” or “in my opinion” a lot to indicate that you are being provisional. As a result, you avoid disclosing your bottom line too soon, and it encourages open and honest discussion. If you are not sure that you comprehend something, ask clarifying questions.
Emotional Intelligence is a skill that may be learned
It’s already become a slogan, but it’s crucial to remember. It entails being self-conscious while also being mindful of others. Although reading body language might be helpful, there are other techniques to find out what someone is thinking. Trust your instincts but double-check them because they are not always correct. It’s only attempting to get your attention by telling you to ask the appropriate questions. It’s also important to pay attention to what they have to say about former relationships because it could be quite telling. If the stories are too slanted in one direction, this could be a red flag.
Realism
There are variances based on gender and upbringing. (Even relationships between people of the same gender can be gendered.) No one will always agree with all of your points of view or choices. It’s best to either accept your partner as they are or hope that time and experience will help them to modify their ways. There’s nothing wrong with wishing, but there are no promises in this world either. If you try to rush it, it will take even longer.
Self-sufficiency
The greater your sense of self-sufficiency, the greater your ability to remain objective in your search for a spouse. The disadvantage of self-sufficiency is that dependence can sometimes serve as a bonding agent for couples through difficult times. In an ideal world, we would not be reliant on a partner for our survival, but we could rely on them to make our lives better.
Patience
You may come upon things that annoy or frustrate you early on. Avoid accepting things that you can’t stand, but if you can, put off dealing with less essential concerns until a more convenient moment. The importance of timing and tone in confronting partners cannot be overstated in order to have a shot at a resolution. Keep calm and wait until both of you appear to be emotionally prepared before acting. If you and your partner are unable to address the concerns, it is possible that you already have the solution you require.
Boundaries
If one of you will be relocating to the other’s home, then you should discuss how space will be allocated and what would be considered mutual space between you. Don’t make any assumptions. This is particularly true when it comes to personal space. It also applies if you and your partner are moving into an area that is unfamiliar to both of you.
Promises
Making promises you cannot keep over the course of a relationship, and even afterward, is not a good idea. Statements such as “I will never do this or that” simply serve to cause you to lose trust in one another. For some people, saying “I will never leave a mess again” may not be a realistic expectation. It might be preferable to add something along the lines of, “My definition of a mess may differ from yours.” I understand that you don’t like it, and I will take that into consideration, but I cannot guarantee that I will always remember.”
A healthy relationship equals growth
One of the most fundamental characteristics of healthy partnerships is that they are able to allow growth. Couples must communicate their objectives and frustrations in order to preserve this frame of mind. Recall that you cannot make another person happy, but you can occasionally take pleasure in the enjoyment that they experience. Taking the journey together can be a fantastic experience, but it will require you to carry double the amount of luggage and battle the impulsive urge to lament, “Are we there yet?” on the way.
It is normal for sentiments of love to fluctuate over a relationship, even when it is established as positive. Love can sometimes pass for boredom in the eyes of those who are in it. However, boredom is the best compliment you can pay to another person since, in order to be bored, you must be in a safe environment with them. It is possible that the relationship will survive the monotony and that love will emerge once again if the conditions are appropriate. In the blink of an adoring eye, you can go from being anonymous to becoming a star.
