A state of romantic love is like a honeymoon period. Any relationship expert can say that we tend to idealize each other, not noticing flaws or considering them cute and funny.
But years pass, and the “hormones of happiness” calm down, the veil falls from our eyes, and we see each other in the proper light.
What seemed nice and insignificant before begins to annoy and cause discontent, and the desire to rebuild one person at will, as a rule, does not bring success. Relationship experts point to the main reasons why this is happening.
❏ 23 reasons why couples who experience One Year Relationship Problems ❏
1. The first year of a relationship is fraught with many problems
There are three early stages in the first year: projection, frustration, and power struggle. In the beginning, you don’t see things as they are. Your project is exactly what you want to see in your romantic partner.
At the next stage, you become more realistic and start to get frustrated. Most people are beginning to see who their chosen are. There is a struggle for power or conflict.
2. The sad truth begins to manifest
After a year, everything becomes real. You can’t always be fascinated by your partner’s habits. We don’t have our best behavior always. This moment is critical because, in one year mark, you will see the character of a new person.
3. People want to get their “investments” back
After a year, people begin to want to give and receive an emotional return on the investment they have invested in their relationship. They threw all their love, attention, money, and all the time into this relationship, and now they want to get relevant feedback.
4. A year later, reality comes
After a year or so, the new euphoria of the relationship begins to fade. Both relax and stop being in perfect shape.
Old habits come forward and often start to contradict what your beloved put up with earlier. Often couples who settle lack the skills to cope with the situation. Relationships can begin to fall apart.
5. Your partner was not generous
It takes time to find out how generous a person is. If a person realizes that one person is not helpful after a few birthdays and holidays, you start paying him the same page. It becomes the cause of quarrels and breakups.
6. Frequent quarrels over trifles
Conflicts are also present in a healthy family, but, as a rule, they end in reconciliation. In a family on the verge of breaking up, quarrels often occur and end with everyone remaining with their own opinion.
People quarrel because their views differ on the central issues. And this is a one-year mark of the most common reasons for breakups.
7. There are no heart-to-heart conversations
Such conversations bring people closer and unite. They discuss what is going on in their soul, what is going on in the world. When people have no desire or even forget for frank conversations, it indicates that they have distanced themselves from each other.
8. To live in harmony, mutual respect of a couple is necessary
When resentments and disappointments accumulate for a long time, a person sees only shortcomings in the opposite.
Because of this, care is lost, manifested in mutual reproaches, insults, disregard for the opinion. Without respect, relationships lose their meaning. There is no free guide for everyone to cope with it.
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9. There is no tactile contact
Happy people are sure to hug, kiss, hold each other’s hands, make small gestures. In a collapsing relationship, people avoid tactile contact, keep their distance from the other person, and protect their personal space.
10. Lost interest in spending time together
This suggests that the couple began to move away from each other. They are still held together by a common way of life, but it is already necessary to think about strengthening healthy relationships.
11. Public reproaches
Never sort things out in public places. You will confuse not only your partner but also others. No matter how your blood boils, or how much you want to dot the “I” here and now, do it only face to face.
12. Excessive calm
Have you noticed that when people find online a mate and everything goes well for them, they start gaining weight? Harmony in healthy relationships are lovely. But this is not a reason to stop taking care of yourself.
13. Together 24 hours a day
Do you want your partner to lose interest in you even in a marriage? Isn’t a loved one worthy of being proud of your beauty? If you see that the problem is ripe (you can even say it has grown), buy a gym membership for two.
Lies, like water, can erode the foundation of any, even the most vital union. It is possible to follow the principle of Dr. House “Everyone lies!” but not in communication with a loved one.
Say it honestly if the soup is slightly unsatisfied or the presented dress does not like it, and learn to perceive such truth adequately in your address.
15. Attempts to change another person
Do not confuse habits and character traits. There are no perfect people. There are things that a person cannot change in himself, never mind how much you criticize him.
Therefore, do not confuse socks scattered around the house (habit) and an umbrella lost for the fifth time in a season (absent-mindedness is a character trait).
Red flags indicate the presence of problems in the relationship. No one should ignore them.
16. Your chosen one is a narcissist
Arrogance has never been an attractive trait. If the subject of your love can see enviable qualities only in himself, he or she is either a narcissist or an insecure person whose complexes manifest themselves in such a passive-aggressive way.
If you’ve heard stories about exes that your romantic partner abandoned because they weren’t good enough for them, it’s worth wondering if such a person can love someone else.
17. Your partner is always looking for the guilty
The honeymoon phase passes away. When people can’t admit their mistakes, everyone around them becomes the culprit of troubles and failures. It is tough to have a constructive conversation with such a person since they will constantly shift responsibility to you or someone else. It is a warning of more significant problems.
18. Are you having difficulty communicating
Not all people can openly talk about their future, but if you feel that your partner deliberately evades the answer, hides his thoughts, and does not share the details of his life, then most likely he is not satisfied with the state of things, but he does not know how to tell you about it.
Both should feel comfortable talking about what is essential to each of you. Only then will you be able to solve problems and feel real emotional closeness.
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19. They don’t want to hang “labels”
If you are dating for only a week, it may be unnecessary to hang labels, but communication between you should get a specific definition of certain things.
Suppose your boyfriend is in no hurry to call you his girlfriend even after one year of a relationship. In that case, the partner most likely does not want to commit himself to you.
20. Your partner has no ambitions and goals
When a partner cannot say what they want from life and do not strive to achieve anything, your relationship may be fun initially. It’s not the same thing now.
Still, soon you will realize that live next to such a person is dull, and people without ambitions pull you down.
21. Your partner doesn’t know why he or she is with you
We do not urge you to give a clear idea of every step because sometimes you want romantic carelessness. Still, you and your partner should at least roughly imagine what exactly binds you together.
At first, it can be passion, interest, thirst for new things, then later, each of you has the right to expect deeper feelings.
If your partner still can’t answer the question, then maybe he lives using you as the only option at the moment and waiting for someone better.
Even if you don’t, being with a person who can’t decide on their desires and feelings implies that you will figure it out yourself and figure out what should be in your relationship.
22. The partner wants all your time and attention
When people are in a relationship, it does not mean that now they have to spend all their time and attention only on the partner.
Every person needs personal space and time to spend on themselves. If a partner constantly demands attention, most likely, the person does not have their own needs and interests.
23. The partner does not get along with his relatives
Each person gets into situations with one or another relative. But if a person has a bad relationship with all his relatives, there is something wrong. If they cannot get along with relatives, then it is unlikely that you will build a normal relationship.
It is never easy with a partner. Every couple periodically enters a problematic relationship. Everyone quarrels and reconciles – it is normal. Some couples eventually stop fighting because they correct their mistakes and listen to each other.
It is a red flag if you can’t get along with your chosen one from the very beginning of the relationship and constantly quarrel for a long time.
😔 Why do relationships fail after 1 year? 😔
🖊 Loss of trust
The initial absence or loss of trust leads to the foundation of the relationship collapsing: feelings of security and reliability go away.
What can destroy trust? It can be jealousy (justified or causeless), the realization that the partner does not fulfill their promises, or both, mixed up in a fantastic cocktail of suspicion and resentment.
Distrust entails the painful existence: reproaches, interrogations, a nasty, draining feeling of being deceived, a sense of guilt, restriction of the partner’s freedom, which can damage their career growth and social interaction.
🖊 Different goals in life and different development speed
By the way, this is one of the reasons for the distance: one of the partners is constantly developing and changing, the second remains at the same level as when they met. As a result – different interests, worldviews, goals, priorities, social circles.
You understand that it is impossible to run for a long time in one team if you pull in different directions.
If the goals in the life of the couple do not overlap in any way and do not touch, they will not be able to build a long-term relationship.
Sometimes relationships even prevent one of two from moving towards their goals and living the way they want.
Thoughts of physical or sexual violence immediately come to mind. But, in addition, there is emotional violence, injuries from which heal much longer and are more complex than bruises on the body.
❗ Signs of emotional abuse ❗
🚫 Attempts to control you completely.
🚫 Verbal humiliation: insults, unfounded and constant criticism, derogatory words.
🚫 Demonstration of strength and power to cause fear in the partner.
🚫 Excessive jealousy, not only for people but also for work, goals, hobbies.
🚫 The expectation is that the partner will serve and fulfill all wishes.
🚫 Partner manipulation.
🚫 Depriving the partner of the right to vote when making general decisions.
🚫 Attempts to isolate the partner from relatives, friends, in general from life outside the relationship.
When we talk about violence, it seems that a man should play the role of evil. However, this is naturally not the case. Women do not often demonstrate physical violence. Although it sometimes takes place, they can manifest themselves in all colors in psychological violence.
🖊 Disappointed expectations
We are happy when everything happens the way we imagined, or better. And we are unhappy when reality turns out to be worse than expectations. Deceived expectations associated with a person lead to frustration and anger and returns to him back.
There is an image of a partner in our head. On it, he is the way we want him to be. Unfortunately, a loved one has no idea about this picture and is unlikely to want to go out of his way to match it. And if we are to be completely honest, then it should not correspond to what you imagined.
However, we do not give up hope after all to “finish” the partner to the ideal. Hence the constant whining and discontent, criticism of everything the person does, ignoring his achievements that do not fit into the right picture.
🖊 Addictions that you can’t fight
Those that make life unbearable: alcoholism, gambling, and drug addiction. Undoubtedly, when problems are just emerging, the support of a loved one can help to cope with them. Unfortunately, very often, nothing helps until the person realizes that he needs to fight.
Let’s add here a pathological dependence on a former lover or lover, the fight against which will most likely be lost, independently how much energy and effort you put into it.
🖊 Distance, boredom, habits
Different goals and communication problems lead to people moving away from each other. They can be held together by the fear of loneliness, children, financial dependence. But when there are no restraining reasons left, the pair quickly disintegrates.
A classic example is empty nest syndrome. When children grow up and leave their homes, parents suddenly feel like strangers who have nothing in common because, for many years, they have been focused on children and forgot about communicating with each other.
🖊 Financial problems
⏹ Financial problems are not only a lack of money. They are also problems with their distribution ⏹
- One earns more than the other, making the second partner feel his insolvency and financial dependence.
- The total budget is distributed based on the wishes of only one partner.
- One spends money without consulting the other, which does not have enough funds for general needs.
🖊 Disconnection: emotional or physical
Physical breakup: partners (or one of them) are not satisfied with their sex life and cannot discuss the accumulated problems and find a solution.
Emotional gap: people do not know how to communicate, do not know how to empathize and support, do not understand each other.
Discontent is growing, which they also cannot recognize a problem, explain and discuss. As a result, everyone is looking for support on the side: from friends, relatives, new acquaintances.
😵 What month do most couples break up? 😵
In a year, the euphoria ends, but passion continues to rage in the couple. Not that many romantic partners are used to each other, feel safe, and more confidently happen to defend their views. At this moment, unexpected things may come to light, which may even disappoint the other half and ignite the desire to end the relationship.
There are no differences, sharp confrontations, and conflicts of interest anymore. You completed the lapping stage. Now, it’s all of the work on compromises.
You guys do not cope with this crisis and decide to break up in the first year.
It is enough to successfully survive this period to communicate a lot from the very beginning of the relationship, share thoughts, and discuss controversial points in films or books. A shared hobby will also help to switch from negative thoughts to a pleasant pastime together.
The researchers found that the peak of new relationship breakups forever occurs in March and August. That’s when couples decide they’ve had enough.
The March peak of breaks happens with couples who are on the verge of breaking up tend to consider the winter holidays and Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to “patch up” the relationship.
However, most often, it turns out that if there are problems in a couple, then an extended stay in the same territory during the holidays only further exacerbates conflicts.
The August peak of divorces is mainly related to the preparation for the new academic year. As a rule, a couple dating for only one year does not have children yet. But traditionally, in August, it’s time to prepare for a new cold season, the idyll of vacations ends, a lot of problems pile up, which leads to regular quarrels.
The daylight hours become shorter, and this affects the general mood decline. Just as the number of murders decreases from spring to summer and then increases sharply, so does the number of divorces reduce again.
There is also good news: if in September a couple manages to go somewhere on vacation, for example, to the sea, then a romantic atmosphere helps to strengthen the relationship.
🧐 Conclusions 🧐
Falling in love is a beautiful feeling, and it pumps us with adrenaline up to the eyebrows. These lovely conversations are full of love and tenderness, the first kisses that take your breath away, and the inexpressible, boundless trust that you begin to feel for each other. You both spark alive. In short, at this time, it seems that love is what can make you truly happy.
But often, after people enter into a relationship guided by love, they realize that this love has gone somewhere over time – nothing lefts.
True love is something special. It requires a very delicate balance of patience, responsibility, and mutual trust. Moreover, many couples sooner or later realize that over time, the love coefficient begins to decrease gradually, and in most cases, this happens in just a year or two.
🤔 Relevant Questions 🤔
❓ Is 1 year a long-term relationship?
One year is a long run enough and the first severe stage in a relationship, which less than 30% of couples can overcome. Here, for the first time, people face the real difficulties of accepting a partner.
❓ What is the hardest year of a relationship?
Different researchers call different terms of relationships the most dangerous. However, everyone agrees that one year is a turning point. For each partner, this is the point at which he stops, looks back at the past year, and concludes.
❓ At what point do relationships usually end?
It doesn’t matter how long haul the couple has been together. If respect, commitment, responsibility, and passion disappear in a relationship, then the relationship begins to disintegrate.
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Author: Ruth Jesse
Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.