You’ve found someone! Congratulations! You’ve managed to wade the maze of humanity and find that special someone of your dreams. However, it’s not all sunshine and roses. After awhile, your significant other admits to you that he or she has been cheated on. After sharing your condolences, you might be somewhat worried. What does this mean for your burgeoning relationship? Will this automatically mean he or she will suspect you of infidelity at the first opportunity when dating someone who has been cheated on?
Dating someone who has been cheated on is tricky. However, if you follow these tips, dating someone who has been cheated on should be no different than any other relationship.
Be Open
1) Make an effort to be as open as possible. You might be embarrassed about your Thursday evening belly dancing classes, but your partner may become worried if you’re consistently disappearing without a word of explanation. Be honest and upfront.
Cherish One Another
2) Set aside time to cherish each other. Intimacy is not just built on grand romantic gestures but is molded out of the day to day moments that arise from ordinary to extraordinary. Make a habit of kissing each other hello and goodbye. Offer a massage at the end of a tough day. Surprise your significant other with small tokens of your affection, like chocolates or tickets to a new movie the two of you were looking forward to attending.
Affirm, Affirm, Affirm
3) Repeat after me. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. How will your loved one know how much you care for them unless you tell them? It’s not necessary to write a sonnet in gratitude each time they take out the trash, but a smile and a sincere “thank you” lets your loved one know you appreciate them. A simple “You look lovely” or “You are handsome” also never goes wrong.
Reflect
4) Check in on the relationship. Keeping the channels of communication open are essential for the health of any relationship but especially so if one of the parties has been cheated on. Ask your partner if you’re meeting their emotional expectations. Do they have any concerns they’d like to bring up? Such questions show a high level of maturity and respect for your partner. This is also a great opportunity to address any of your concerns in a stress-free environment.
Check Jealous Behavior
5) Don’t tolerate the jealous behavior. Having been once cheated on is not a blank check to be able to intrude on every aspect of your partner’s life. You should not have to turn in all your passwords or your cell phone at the end of the day. A relationship is supposed to be consensual. While it is admirable to try and be understanding of another’s emotional baggage, it is NOT your responsibility to take on their baggage as your own.
Following these tips is a start but ultimately it’s up to you and your partner whether or not the relationship will succeed. Past history doesn’t need to doom future relationships. Work at the relationship as you would any relationship. Then one day, you’ll wake up and find you completely trust one another.
