Here’s some fancy words for you: Presence and Appreciative Focus. What do they mean? Let’s get into it…
The most powerful way of connecting – to your body and anyone else’s body too – is by being truly present. When you’re present, switched on, aware, with your eyes open and in the moment, you have a strong foundation underneath you.
You can heighten your experiences in your own body, in your orgasms, and in your everyday encounters with the people around you by finding ways to get present in your body. Also, you feel all around better in life when you are more with it!
Here’s a simple exercise I learnt from a class with Josh Pais which will help you get present with the room you’re in:
Look at the floor, the walls, the furniture, look at your hands and your body and the space you are sitting in, and notice how you feel more ‘aware’ or more ‘awake’.
Now you are present – welcome, and you’re welcome!
Now, by moving into Appreciative Focus, you can show up in a deeper, juicier way!
So, what does this mean? How can you use it and how will it impact both yourself and those around you?
When another human allows you to be in presences and comes into the moment with you, fully aware and showing up with you in gratitude in that moment – that, my friends, is Appreciative Focus. It’s like a ritual, meditation, or game of ping pong, with you both there, fully present and paying attention!
Savannah: I recently went to dinner at a friend’s house. This friend has an artistic flair, and he designs products for women. The care and attention he displayed to the entire dinner experience was inspiring. He spent two days preparing! Upon my arrival, he told me, ‘You are here to BE. Let me do everything else.’ The food itself was artisanal and delicious, but what struck me the most profoundly was his appreciation and focus as we spoke and how it gathered my energy. Mind you, there was nothing sexual or romantic happening here – just two friends having dinner. But by being truly present, he held space for me to do the same. My feminine felt nourished and honoured.
Now, why am I telling you this story?
I’m telling you because this made me realise how simple it is to bring my Queenly potency in all its glory into everything I do or create, by taking time to relax, open, allow, and be present. This is almost ceremonial, and as women, you need and in fact are amplified by ceremony – in a considered and grounding way, rather than a hippy woo-woo way.
Teany: I, too, had a wonderful experience with a man who showed appreciative focus and held space for me, allowing me to feel more grounded in myself. I’d been getting to know a man who’d helped me feel more gathered and in my element, so I could be open and fly, so to speak. This may sound a bit cheesy but when someone can hold space for you, appreciate you and fan your flames, it’s an amazing feeling. This really lets you step into that juicy power we all hold as women.
This sense of being present in myself and him giving me that space while being himself by my side has led to magical synchronicities – like I’ll be thinking something about him and later on, he’ll tell me he had the same thoughts about me. Him holding this space of presence, without judgment, and truly listening to help has brought out my best qualities, and vice versa! These are the people we want to attract more of, whether as lovers or friends. He and I had a lovely experience and we are still friends to this day.
My Queen, think about when someone has held space and appreciative focus for you – or vice versa – and journal on these questions:
How did you feel in their presence?
Did your energy expand and shift?
What was the connection like?
These are the sort of people you want more of in your life, Lady Queen!
Here’s a challenge: this month, have a Queen Date. Connect in person (if possible) with a fellow Lady Queen – show up and honour the feminine in them. Spend the evening together, have lunch, or an afternoon picnic – whatever you choose, truly be present and savour each other’s time.