Each year, you list down the things you want to change over the next 365 days. You most likely want to address some intimacy issues with your partner such as physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and so on and so forth.
Forming intimate relationships need intent and there must be harmony and mutual respect for both partners. Follow these tips and coping strategies to smooth-sailing decision-making.
Man has his science down pat, and one of his holy tenets is to overlook emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, mental intimacy, and even spiritual intimacy. The Man’s argument in human relationships is that all will be taken care of by time.
The Man is not a fictional character, of course. The Man is all too real. He’s not just one man, either. He is legion; he goes by many names and comes in many shapes. We men may have some part of him in all of us. And in our heads, this all makes sense. Except anybody will tell you solving intimacy issues is so crucial, it demands capitalization. There is no way you fumble that without courting doom.
Second chances in the face of intimacy issues are so terribly rare, they’re all but mythical. Some intimate relationships make it, and some don’t.
This was my first encounter with the phenomenon known as Intimacy. And I bring The Man up to belabor my point that men can be so inept at it without knowing. I’m male, of course. And there’s no catch to that, no disclaimer.
But what makes this guide different is that, while it mixes in theory and experience for the necessary wiggle room and verisimilitude, it is less a matter of opinion and more a product of research. And as stringent and exhaustive as the data gathering was, it’s caliber and expertise of my resources that boosts its cred: they are all women, pistol-hot, and in the know. Think of me as a mere ghostwriter-slash -conduit, then. And trust me with these tips.
What are Intimacy Issues
Fear of intimacy can have a significant impact on your life, particularly in close relationships in which fear of intimacy is evident. Research shows that anxiety disorders are risk factors that can negatively affect the quality of relationships.
Fear of intimacy can sabotage relationships and may cause one to withhold affection, have negative attitudes, or put up barriers to emotional or sexual affection. Intimacy begins in our early childhood (childhood experiences) and having intimacy issues has always been a part of life.
Here are some tips that will help Men Solve Intimacy Issues in a Relationship
Seek Professional Help First
Intimacy issues in a relationship call for a red flag that must address real quick. Seeking therapy and knowing the real cause and getting to the root of it is vital. Seeking a therapist who understands cognitive behavioral therapy and has well-informed professional advice would be a good start, having access to counselors related articles and engaging in talk therapy as a couple are some of the best ways to overcome intimacy issues.
If the need arises, couples could also seek a qualified mental health professional because one cannot exclude the fact that having intimacy issues can be a by-product of a mental illness or other mental health conditions.
Mental health professionals are an expert on diagnosing mental health issues, mental illness like bipolar disorder, intimacy disorders, and other mental health conditions. That is why one must not downplay the role of a mental health professional in some of the intimacy issues and intimacy problems.
The Important Skill
Intimate relationships come with past painful experiences. Emotional intimacy is not achieved by just a “Skill”. One should be wholly willing to be vulnerable with the other and this comes like sea waves, from accumulated honest and true conversations (or any other way of communication. If you are lucky enough ) involving trust in each other and a listening heart. It is simply true unconditional feeling without judging. Then you feel you are yourself with that person without a mask, you feel yourself free saying your weak points without a single fear from the other either to take it against you or belittle you one day. Then you unintentionally feel yourself “belong” and emotionally intimate in this relation
Intelligent, meaningful conversation with the one you love, is an immensely beautiful sentiment. In fact, that is perhaps what most miss about being in a loving relationship. The deep, emotional, intellectual conversation is one vital and important aspect of a relationship that some marriages crave the most. Intently listening and fully reciprocating in the conversation.
It all begins with being attracted to intelligence. Along with that, honesty, faithfulness, trust, love, and passion all come in second. Intimacy being the beautiful accompaniment that comes with the aforementioned.
Emotional intimacy alongside physical intimacy is crucial for any romantic relationship to survive and thrive. When partners are willing to express their flaws, failures, and insecurities with each other, along with their hopes, dreams, and accomplishments, they are likely to be happier together.
However, Intimacy, wholly coupled with affection is both an all-encompassing beautiful sentiment, going so very far beyond just mere physical contact. Pure intimacy goes infinitely beyond classifying it simply as “sex”. It’s an indescribable feeling of pure love and adoration. It’s having an emotional, mental connection. It’s a feeling of complete comfort and of being totally safe. It’s being who you truly are with the person you utterly adore. True intimacy with the one you love is completely mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. It’s everything we hope for, yet only the lucky truly achieve.
Take a Direct Approach
I’m a romantic and I should reject and dismiss the notion of intimacy issues and it’s sorting out process. But in many ways it is, a subjecting of two people to various romantic situations to see how human relationships hold up together, test their mettle, their tensile strength.
So when trying to open up the intimacy issues and intimacy problems in an intimate relationship, ditch any pretensions of subtlety. Not only are most women notoriously dense, they actually pull out the density card, whether unwittingly or not, to throw you off the bus. Which is to say you have to make sure they know you’re really want to fix things out.
Comprehension. One’s ability to look at things outside one’s own perspective is also as important. I guess that can fall under comprehension. Respect is one of the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship too. Once the chase is over, some people can forget about tending to their partner’s feelings and needs. In lasting, healthy relationships, partners value each other and take care of their words, actions, and behaviors.
Take the Preliminaries Seriously
Does your partner talk openly with you or is she having difficulty sharing feelings with you? if yes then she might be experiencing an intimacy disorder. One must first know that having sexual intercourse with your partner isn’t always the answer to your intimacy issues.
Women, unlike men, do not separate sex from the emotional aspects of romantic relationships. In general, women in a healthy relationship always associate sex with physical and emotional closeness, and taking these seriously helps you maintain a good intimacy scale with the other person.
Know your woman
Problem recon and current status reassessment helps as a way to gauge the odds of reciprocity, and to alleviate intimacy avoidance and partner fears intimacy, hedge bets even. Tread carefully, though, as too much recon makes you come off vaguely and paranoid-ish. Casual recon of your partner will be terribly useful, and whatever intel you gather may be pertinent.
Communication, but also willingness to work through miscommunication. That can be awkward and unpleasant, but so often studies have shown that so many arguments can come from miscommunication, and it can be easily solved by just talking it out. Obviously, not everything comes down to that, but being open-minded and allowing for the possibility sure helps. Curiosity, too.
It’s important to take into account aversions to specific topics like mental health conditions, anxiety disorder, childhood experiences, and physical abuse. All that data should factor in your equation to choose which intimacy issues to talk openly about. This leads us to the next point.
Perception. Knowing subtlety and being able to pick up on things. Sometimes the best communication is silence or some non-verbal cue. But you really have to know and study your partner to do that.
Let Her Lead the Way
Be her rock. If her career is taking off, it’s clear she can fend for herself. But she can’t give herself the emotional support she craves from you. Asking about her work, as well as giving her advice and support when she needs it is something that men can’t put a price on
Stay Classy, You need to lose the nerves, as awkwardness is never flattering for you and your date. Don’t be a prude but be careful not to be crass either. You can always use the first half-hour to gauge how far you can go in terms of what you can talk about your intimacy issues.
Bring the gentleman inside of you to the conversation, do not apply any defense mechanism and do not avoid intimacy, and always be extra sensitive to the intimate signs of your partner. Chivalry, so to speak, is a magic pill and a turn-on whichever way you cut it. Be careful about becoming too much of a humble person though.
Here’s a Chivalry crash course, in case you need it:
-Be prepared to defend her honor if the situation calls for it
-Talk less, say even less about yourself unless it’s your lapses and mistakes, and learn to listen and listen as you mean it.
-And always be aware of your boundaries. Be a shoulder to cry on if the need arises to comfort her.
Why Sex life is vital?
There are many ways to building intimacy and one of them is having a healthy relationship with your intimate partners, one of the best ways is to nurture each other’s sexual appetite. For a lack of a better word, do commit to having passionate and intentional sex regularly!
Intimacy. What does this word mean to you? Holding hands or sharing secrets? Making love or making dinner together on Friday night? Is that a feeling or a state? The fact is that it is an essential part of any healthy, thriving relationship.
During sex, the innermost feelings of a couple are at their peak and it reinforces positive emotions with the other person. Having regular sexual contact and being sexually intimate with your partner helps to build a healthy sexual relationship which helps maintain the overall intimacy scale.
Intimate Relationships for Starters
Any sex therapist, relationship counselor, and mental health professional will tell you that women don’t get turned on in the same ways men do and women rarely avoid physical intimacy. It’s a long process for her-much longer than you might think. Women want a sense of connection that is experienced far more than an hour approaching the sexual starting line.
Spot for warning signs and physical symptoms of early intimacy issues. If your woman becomes silent and stops complaining this is a red flag. A classic defense mechanism of someone who’s having physical and emotional intimacy issues. When she becomes apathetic, it means she doesn’t care anymore. Other giveaways: less sex and less interest in little things, like telling you about her day or asking about yours.
Intimacy is about listening to the other, really listening deeply through our heart. Intimacy is really the by-product of inner transformation. It isn’t something we do.
Intimacy is something that is revealed from within. As we become more intimate inside our own hearts, so we let go of needing another person to change. That is the magical moment. That is when unconditional love comes into the game.
Turn to Music
Music and sex are intertwined like two lovers’ legs. Sure men are the stereotypical record geeks, but music pierces women just as deeply. Every intimate relationship has early days of swooning and squeaking. As the intimacy signs grow out of those first flushes of longing, the role of music in intimate relationships shifts. It becomes a source of ecstasy and identity, of comfort and power, a force as intense and complex and potentially transcendent as sex itself.
Express your deepest feelings without actually having to you know, express your deepest feelings. Before a guy was able to lurk on Facebook after a breakup or bad marriage, he’d sit by the phone, thinking surely she’d dig out your true emotions if you had just opt for the right song to express how you felt. That lost hope and yearning growl would induce the desired state: a thirst for whiskey and the bad decisions it engenders.
The right song, show, dance tune, or riff can bring happy, positive memories and sometimes can arouse her. Men, listen for your cue before initiating physical contact.
Bonding over a shared love of music can be heady. We run a risk when we blur the lines between our women and our music. Sometimes love festers and spoils, and the collateral damages aren’t so much to our hearts or our precious time but to whatever music got dragged into the mess with us.
What came first, the scene or the soundtrack? Thank God you have more music, as useful as it can be in a sparking love or lust, it’s even more capable of totally obliterating avoidant personality disorder and bad memories.
Dirty Talk in Romantic Relationship
Let’s use the term loosely, shall we? Sex is not just physical contact but sex is a language. Talking about sex, however, is one of the most difficult conversations in life. Women generally don’t feel comfortable talking about sex. Most likely, she’s too shy to tell you that the way you’re flicking your tongue against her is not getting her off. Or that she wants more foreplay than you’re giving her.
Women are shy about telling you what they need you to do because they don’t want to hurt your feelings and this sometimes creates an anxiety disorder for some women, partner’s fear and can cause low self-esteem that might create major intimacy problems in the future. As much as possible, try to honor her requests and see these as a healthy intimacy sign and not discredit her when she is confiding in you about these preconditions.
Crazy Good Sex= Emotional Intimacy
Here’s what you need to know intimate connections, having crazy good sex doesn’t equate to fulfilling your insatiable sexual appetite which might in fact lead to sexual abuse. What it means is that your bedroom moves play a key role in your sexual contact and helps in building physical and emotional capacity.
During sexual intercourse with your intimate partners, you almost never list improving the way you do the deed in the bedroom. Still, if you’re going to work toward you, one of the best things you can do for yourself and your relationship is work on your skills in the sack. but like all the other things you intend to accomplish, you’ll need to do your research and put in the work.
Fear of Intimacy: Only When the Need Arise
Gents who are in an adult relationship, when she tells you her day’s been tiring it doesn’t automatically mean that she avoids intimacy nor to be taken as an intimacy avoidance. Considering that she needs to cook dinner, and pick up the laundry as well as finish her pending reports, she’s not saying she doesn’t want to have sex tonight.
Well, she might not be saying anything at all. But if you’re raring to get some action, start the foreplay by volunteering to do the chores while she finishes her work. It doesn’t sound sexy but it helps build emotional connection, but you’ll find out later on that she will store this mental image of you in front of the stove, doing the dishes, or walking through the door with her dry-cleaning in tow, and she’ll thank you for it in ways that only you can imagine.
Walk the Talk
In a survey, 59 percent of married women aren’t afraid to hash out sexual dissatisfaction with their husbands. Talk it out first, don’t have sex talks where you have sex. Avoid having this talk of dissatisfaction and body image issues in the bedroom. Aim for a relaxed environment. When chatting, focus on the solution, not the issue.
It all comes down to the wording that makes the word intimacy. Instead of saying directly to her face that the position is boring, say that you can’t get over how sexy she looks in that position. Frame it in a positive light that makes talking about sex less threatening.
Do Everything Together Frequently
Want to know how important you are to her? In a survey, 81 percent of married women deemed having happy intimate relationships more important than their career. That craving for companionship and physical intimacy doesn’t just bloom at the altar either.
Whether you’re married or not, intimate relationships and the satisfaction tied to them are extremely important for increasing men’s and women’s quality of life. Having frequent sex leaves you craving more sex after it’s done.
The act itself triggers the release of healthy brain chemicals such as dopamine, oxytocin, and testosterone. This leaves her feeling closer to you and longing for more.
Leave Her Be
Does she say she needs space? Start investing more in your identity. whether it’s going out with the guys or hitting the gym. Giving her this breathing room not only allows her to spend her time how she pleases but also helps your connection in the long run. When you create space, it increases desire and this desire can help the relationship grow.
Men take women for granted in most relationships. Period. We stop paying attention. We stop listening. Eventually, the woman gets fed up, and fighting ensues.
It is at this thorny juncture that you need a reason designed to acknowledge culpability. Just in case makeup sex devolves into acrimony. Keep her comfort and pleasure front and center, but remember to chill. Make her feel that your relationship is all about her. Because eventually, it will be. And don’t give apologies you can’t sustain. It’s always better to be yourself, so goes the cliché. Only be the best you that you can be.
Intimacy is Not Just Sex
Intimacy is not only about the act of being physically intimate, although it is one of its forms. When it comes to sexual intimacy, knowing your partner’s body language is crucial. Both partners are aware of their own physical sensations and able to express their mutual desires.
But real intimacy comes with mutual vulnerability, openness, and the ability to share and care. When you aren’t afraid to be weak and helpless around them because you know- you are safe. You also know that you can always come to them first to share your joy and happiness or to find consolation in the moment of sadness or sorrow.
Intimacy is not who you let touch your genitalia. Intimacy is who you talk to after having sex at 3am about your dreams and fears. Intimacy is giving someone your attention when ten other people are asking for it. Intimacy is the person always in the back of your mind, no matter how distracted you are.
Have Her Join In
We learn intimacy in everyday life by noticing the smallest details about our partners, taking note of their nonverbal cues, and being good listeners. In the process, we learn to know how their mind works and share the map of our own too.
In a healthy and intimate relationship, you are not afraid to tell your partner about your needs because you communicate openly and honestly. You both are able to keep your outside interests alive because you respect each other as individuals. Communication is very important but a strong desire to have a good relationship is needed. For a married couple, it is important to fall in love with each other regularly and emotions play a very important part.
Intimacy means truly connecting with someone on different levels and maintaining this meaningful connection with each other.
Q1. How to tell if a woman has intimacy issues?
▶ Signs of fear of intimacy may include: avoiding physical contact and sexual contact or having an insatiable sexual appetite, difficulty with commitment, history of unstable relationships, low self-esteem, bouts of anger, isolation, difficulty forming close relationships, difficulty sharing feelings, difficulty showing emotion.
Q2. How to help a woman with intimacy issues?
▶ Intimacy issues can put stress on even the best relationships. Taking steps to build emotional intimacy with your partner can help you feel more connected and even improve your sexual relationship too.
Some coping strategies might include talking to your partner about how you’re feeling and what you want your relationship to look like. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but opening up to them allows you to build trust and strengthen your relationship together.
Q3. What are the warning signs that there are growing intimacy issues in your marriage?
▶ Top on the list is the low sex drive, talking about sex is often considered taboo. Since people are reluctant to discuss the details of their sex lives with their partners and their doctors, it’s easy for sexual problems and intimacy issues to go unnoticed for a long time.
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Author: Dr. Kurt Smith
Dr. Kurt Smith is the Clinical Director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, a Northern California counseling practice that specializes in helping men and the women who love them. His expertise is in understanding men, their partners, and the unique relationship challenges couples face today. Dr. Kurt is a lover of dogs, sarcasm, everything outdoors, and helping those seeking to make their relationships better.