Intimacy is a vital part of a healthy relationship.
So what happens when your sex life is suffering?
This situation can be upsetting for both partners. It will eventually cause a rift to grow between you if ignored.
Maybe you’re wondering how you can bring passion and desire back into your relationship and sex life.
If you’re not sure how to be a good lover, read on for fifteen ways you can improve intimacy in your relationship.
What Does It Really Mean to Be An Amazing Lover?
Being an amazing lover isn’t just about being skilled in the bedroom. It’s also about the emotional connection you have with your partner and the love you share.
Additionally, it’s essential to keep in mind that men and women experience desire differently.
According to a study by Your Sexual Medicine Journal, women are more likely to become aroused due to emotional reactions to their partners.
So, if you’re trying to become a better lover to spice up your intimacy, build romantic tension by having a candlelight dinner or spending quality time together.
What makes a good lover? The following are some qualities you can cultivate to become a more attentive lover:
Have a deep love and appreciation for your partner
How to Be a Better Lover: 15 Ways to Improve Intimacy In and Out of Bed
Maybe your relationship has lost its initial spark, and you’re wondering how to be a better lover in bed.
The following are ways to improve intimacy both in and out of the bedroom.
1. Strengthen your emotional connection.
Improving your intimate relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend begins outside the bedroom. It starts by strengthening the emotional connection you share. When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with your partner?
Maybe you’ve been together for years, and you think you know everything about them already. However, people grow and change, so there’s always more to learn about that special person.
Pretend as if you are meeting your partner for the first time and talk to them about their hopes, dreams, and desires. See how their answers have changed since you met and fall in love with them all over again!
2. Don’t be selfish.
The key to being a fantastic lover is selflessness. This doesn’t mean your wants and needs don’t matter. It does mean that you should avoid putting your wants and needs over your partner’s, especially when it comes to sex.
No one likes being with a selfish lover in the bedroom. If you focus solely on the things that please you and that you find fun, your partner will quickly become frustrated and resentful.
Resentment is a surefire way to kill sexual desire. Make sure always to consider what would be most enjoyable to both you and your partner.
3. Resolve issues with healthy communication.
If you have underlying issues in your relationship, it’s not surprising if your sex life is suffering. You are probably craving the level of intimacy you once had, but you’re not sure how to fix things.
Unresolved arguments create tension that leads to resentment and a lowered sex drive. To turn things around, you need to get to the root of the problem.
Have a calm discussion with your husband or wife outside of intimacy and come up with a solution or compromise to problems you may be having. Once you’ve talked things out, you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders and a renewed sense of connection.
4. Rekindle the romance.
If you’ve been together with your husband for a long time, it’s normal for your sex drive to slow down. Your relationship has stagnated, so maybe your libido has taken a nosedive. This can be frustrating for both you and your partner.
One of the best ways to rekindle the fire is to switch up your routine. Start flirting with your partner again as if you just met. Get dressed up and go on a fancy date. Send them a suggestive photo to get them thinking about you throughout the day.
Doing small things that make your relationship feel fresh and exciting again will reignite the passion and desire.
5. Keep an open mind.
Sometimes things can get boring if you’ve fallen into the same sexual routine, so spice things up! Get vulnerable with your partner – do you have any kinks or fantasies that you’ve never told them about? Encourage them to share activities or new positions they would like to try.
You might even consider purchasing some sex toys to experiment with. While it might seem intimidating at first, being a great lover is all about being adventurous!
Keeping an open mind about sex will lead to a fun and fulfilling intimate experience for both of you.
6. Set boundaries.
While keeping an open mind is important, that doesn’t mean you have to be willing to try anything and everything. If you’re thinking, “I want to know how to be a better lover to my wife,” setting boundaries is key for both of you.
Are there specific activities that are a hard no for your partner? If so, respect their wishes. Take the lead by being open about your limits, so your partner feels comfortable doing the same.
You should also set boundaries on when intimacy takes place. If your spouse gets home from work exhausted, they would probably greatly appreciate a massage or a cuddle session on the couch rather than sex.
7. Spend quality time together.
Maybe you’ve been too caught up with your career or taking care of children to make time for your partner. This challenge is all too common in long-term relationships, and it can hurt intimacy.
No matter how busy life gets, setting aside time with your husband or wife is essential. It is the only way you will be able to strengthen your bond and emotional connection.
Schedule a date night or another fun activity together at least once a month or so. Be a better lover outside the bedroom, and your intimacy will naturally improve.
8. Spend time apart.
Quality time in a relationship is undoubtedly important. However, constantly being in each other’s faces can also create issues. Sometimes spending too much time together can result in resentment in a relationship.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s valuable to make time for each other so that your relationship can grow stronger, but at the same time, you should both have your separate hobbies and interests.
Having time away from your spouse allows you to develop as a person, and you will begin to cherish intimacy with your significant other even more.
9. Work on yourself.
Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And it’s true! One of the best ways to be a good lover to your significant other is by making yourself a priority.
Often in relationships, people get caught up in their partner’s life. After all, you love them and want to spend every moment with them! However, it’s important not to lose yourself.
Whether that means reading self-improvement books, working out daily, or pursuing a new hobby, set aside time to work on yourself. You’ll be happier, which will allow you to be a better lover to your boyfriend or girlfriend.
10. Pay attention to body language.
You should pay attention to verbal cues while being intimate with your partner, but you should also pay attention to more subtle nonverbal cues.
By learning to read your partner’s body language, you will be able to make the experience more enjoyable and fulfilling for them.
For example, if you notice they tense up while trying something new, that is your cue to slow things down and ask how they’re feeling. On the other hand, if their body language is enthusiastic and receptive, you know you’re doing something right!
If you want to be a better lover to your partner, make sure they know how much you appreciate all the little things they do for you.
Make them feel valued. Perhaps your boyfriend often shows his love with small gestures, like opening doors for you or carrying your groceries in the house. Show him that you recognize and appreciate these little actions.
Don’t assume your partner knows they are valued – make sure to tell them whenever you get the chance! Appreciation is often overlooked in a relationship, but it can genuinely make all the difference.
12. Listen to your partner’s needs.
If your spouse feels unheard in your relationship, there’s no surprise your intimacy is suffering. To be an incredible lover, you need to listen to your partner’s needs – whether they be physical, mental, or emotional.
When you don’t give your husband your full attention, you often aren’t fully processing what is he’s saying. Maybe he has tried to let you know he’s unhappy about a particular aspect of your relationship.
You’ve failed to make those necessary changes because you haven’t been paying close enough attention.
This scenario can quickly lead to resentment in a relationship. Be a better lover by first being a better listener.
13. Focus on mutual pleasure.
Being a great lover is all about balancing giving and receiving in the bedroom. If you don’t focus on mutual pleasure, it will cause problems that will likely lead to resentment.
For example, without ample time for foreplay, women may find it difficult to get aroused and may find sex unenjoyable or even painful. On the other hand, if too much time is spent on foreplay, men may lose interest and be unable to stay aroused.
It’s a delicate balance, but a great way to compromise is to ensure your wife orgasms through foreplay before penetration.
14. Don’t focus solely on the end result.
Focusing too much on the end result is one surefire way to ruin a sexual encounter with your significant other.
Maybe you don’t feel like the experience was worth it unless both of you reach an orgasm. However, this can be a lot of pressure for both of you. If your girlfriend is tired or has a lot on her plate, it can affect her ability to orgasm.
It doesn’t mean that she didn’t enjoy the encounter. However, trying to force an outcome will not serve you well. Instead, just focus on enjoying the moment with each other, no matter the result.
15. Be fully present.
One of the worst things you can do in bed is come off as distracted during intimacy. Maybe you feel the encounter has dragged on too long, and you are growing bored. Your mind starts wandering, and you begin making a mental grocery list in your head.
It is better to be upfront with your partner that you aren’t feeling the moment anymore rather than continuing when you’re not fully into it.
They will notice when you become distracted, which can take a considerable toll on their confidence. To be a better lover, you need to be fully present.
What Are the Different Types of Lovers in Bed?
So what is the best way to make love? There are different types of lovers in bed, so there’s no one perfect way to go about it.
Ancient Greeks studied and named the different types of love. It’s best to have a mix of these qualities to be the best lover you can be in the bedroom.
Enduring Love (Pragma). This is an everlasting bond between a committed couple that brings you closer in the bedroom. No matter what life has thrown at you, you have always put in the effort to stay dedicated to each other.
Romantic Love (Eros). This is a passionate love rooted in physical desire. You love to show affection both in and out of the bedroom. It seems like you can’t keep your hands off your partner no matter where you are!
Playful Love (Ludus). This is playful flirting often when a relationship is new. Everything is fresh and exciting while you are in the honeymoon stage! This stage is when you are having fun exploring and getting to know each other’s bodies in the bedroom.
Selfless Love (Agape). You’ll never have to worry about being left unsatisfied in the bedroom with this type of lover! Selfless lovers strive to please in the bedroom. Not only that, but they will treat you well outside of it.
If you’re wondering how to be a better lover to your husband or wife, recognize that it’s about the physical aspects of intimacy and the emotional aspects. Improving your sex life starts with your connection. Strengthen your love, and the rest will come naturally!
