Being single, especially during one’s youth, is a freedom that we all cherish. However, the sweetness of
this freedom always comes to an end at one point or another.
Eventually, all your girlfriends start inviting you to their glamorous weddings, and even some ask you to be their maid of honor.
You’ll see them fly off to their honeymoons as you drive back to your apartment. When you look around and find no one, reality will suddenly dawn on you, and you will ask yourself,
“Will I be single forever?”
Finding your prince charming takes more than just going out on a few dates with a few guys. You may need to take a step back and have an honest evaluation of the situation you currently find yourself in.
Listen to your heart and your mind and find out if you are in the right place.
Here’s a list of 28 questions you need to answer if this is you. “Will I be single forever?”
1. Have I moved on from my ex?
This is an issue that is often taken lightly by people, and it mostly comes back to haunt them.
Moving on from your ex is not as easy as it sounds.
You must remember that you once shared your darkest secrets with them.
They were once someone that you were deeply intimate with. You shared tons of moments with them, and you gave your all to them. Letting all this go can sometimes be very hard.
Having been a victim of this before, I understand precisely what it entails. You can employ different strategies to help you move on from your ex. I will share a few that I used.
The first thing you need to do, for the sake of your mental health, is cut off all communication between you and your ex. If you want to move on, you have to realize that remaining in communication with your ex is an obstacle.
It can be devastating to think that you are no longer part of their life, but you have to accept that this is now your own journey, and you need to be fully invested in it.
A common mistake that I see people making after a breakup is trying to be “just friends” with their ex. In my experience, this rarely works out, and it only leads to more heartache and retrogression.
Any communication with your ex triggers the memories you shared and even the hopes you had for your future.
Another effective strategy you can use is forgiving the past. It is very common to be angry and to feel a lot of regret after a breakup. Thoughts of what you could have done differently to save the relationship often flood your mind. You are constantly angry at yourself and your ex for the behavior that caused the breakup.
It’s even worse when you realize that there is little to nothing that you can do about it. The solution to all this is not merely trying to forget. You have to forgive your ex’s behavior and, more importantly, your own. This is not a show of weakness but rather of profound strength and maturity.
It also helps if you get a journal and write down an authentic picture of how your relationship was.
This move liberates you from trying to create fantasies about your failed relationship.
Finally, don’t forget to fall in love with yourself. This is the standard that you will use to measure whether you are mentally healthy, especially since it is the hardest thing to do after a breakup. The secret here is to delete all negative thoughts about yourself and believe that you are capable of loving and being loved in return.
2. Am I a person that other people enjoy being with?
Being single at the age when society expects that you should already be married can be frustrating.
It’s even more infuriating if you desire to be with someone. You have put yourself out there and pulled out all the stops but nobody wants to be with you. You’ve shown them all your vulnerabilities, your likes and dislikes to no avail.
At this point you start to question yourself; “Am I not worth it?”
“Why does nobody want me?”
“Why is it so hard to find someone who loves me for who I am?”
Could it be that it’s not that other people don’t want to love you but that you make it hard for them?
Could it be that your character and personality repels potential partners instead of attracting them?
If you’re in this situation, as yourself this: are you a person whose company lightens up those who hang around you? Do you have a hard time making new friends? What kind of energy do you radiate? Is it positive and inspiring or are you the negative and grumpy type?
Make sure that you like yourself first before you expect anyone else to love you.
3. Am I waiting for the perfect partner?
This is arguably the most common answer you’ll hear when you ask people why they’re not dating.
What do you think of when you imagine the kind of partner you want to spend the rest of your life with?
There are lots of factors to consider when trying to answer this question.
How tall or short are they? How do they behave in the presence of family or friends? What do they enjoy doing most? How about their temper?
While it’s absolutely normal to have the perfect partner, it’s possible that you could be crippling a lot of relationships because you feel that they don’t meet your criteria.
Having a solid list of expectations that a person must meet before giving them a chance will ultimately turn you into a bitter person because you’ll think no one understands you.
You need to let go of this idea and be open to new possibilities in relationships.
Who knows? Perhaps whoever you meet next will meet and exceed everything you dreamed about.
4. Am I open to new adventures?
The feeling of leaving our comfort zones and going out there to dare the world by trying new things can be undoubtedly frightening. The fear of the unknown has stopped countless people from reaching their full potential in business, in academics, and in sports just to mention a few.
Trying new things opens up your mind to the countless possibilities around us. It shifts your thinking and your mental capacity to new levels. It also allows you to appreciate the beauty of life in its fullness.
Right now you could be at that point in your life where you have no memory of the last time you did anything new.
If this is you and you are yet to meet the love of your life, it is proof that you need to get out more. You cannot expect to meet your life partner if you are still walking the same paths you walked five years ago.
If you’ve been going to the same restaurant for three years and you still haven’t met them, then book a reservation at another restaurant.
If you’ve been going to vacation in the same place for five years and you are yet to meet them, fly to
Africa this summer, or visit France, or visit Venice, Italy for a change.
5. Do I know who I am and what I want with my life?
Too often, we get caught up in one toxic relationship after another, and they all end in chaotic breakups. Since our brain is naturally wired to point the blame to anyone else but us, we never consider the fact that we could have been the source of the toxicity in the first place.
We spend a lot of time studying other people; their behavioral patterns, how they react when provoked, and their likes and dislikes but we never spend enough time to find out who we are and what we want with our lives.
I know. That doesn’t sound right. We should already know ourselves from the get-go. Research shows
that very few people in the world can actually state what they want in life with sound reasoning. The majority of the world’s population is unsure.
This uncertainty about our identities causes us to move into relationships seeking a way to fill
this void. This ultimately leads to toxic behavior such as neediness and
Frustrations arise when you realize that your partner can see through you. They start keeping their distance. You call them one evening and they cancel dinner plans.
The next thing you know is they spent two nights in a row at their friend’s place. The next day you receive a text saying that they have broken up with you and that you should go fix your life.
If this happens, fight the urge to send them a long paragraph threatening their life and work on self-realization. Realize that it’s going to be a journey and be patient with yourself.
Read self-help books, sign up at the local gym, journal your thoughts every day, identify your strengths and weaknesses, and most importantly have a mission and a vision.
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6. Do I love myself?
Wake up. Look in the mirror. Do you love the person you see?
For different reasons, many of us find it harder to love ourselves than to love others. We subject ourselves to conditions and circumstances that we would never allow others to go through.
Why love yourself though?
After all, nobody knows how many times you’ve fallen off the wagon more than you. You can’t even count the number of times you’ve let yourself down. Nobody knows you as you do. You have nightmares every day because of the atrocities you committed five years ago.
This is important because it becomes hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves.
For someone else to love you, you need to show them that you are capable of loving yourself first because, at the end of the day, no one wants to love someone who can’t love themselves.
Love yourself. Forgive yourself for everything you did in your past. Work on your character and do things that will make you look in the mirror and smile. Only then will others be willing to love you back.
Loving yourself begins with self-awareness. As earlier stated, have an in-depth understanding of your personality and character. Learn to say no to people. This enforces your boundaries and sends a clear message that you deserve to be respected. Understand that no one is better or worse than you.
They are just built differently. You are valuable as you are and you need to run your own race. You need to accept that not everyone will like you. Loving yourself means that you give up trying to please people who don’t mean much to you and that you accept yourself for who you are.
Finally, make having fun a priority. Go watch a soccer match or enroll at a golf course. Go fishing with friends or head over to the Grand Prix to watch Lewis Hamilton with the title yet again.
7. Am I willing to work for the relationship?
If you ask any couple who’ve been together for years what the secret is for a fulfilling long-term relationship, they will almost certainly say that it is the willingness to put the work in.
We all have this fantasy that love should be easy, and it usually is in the first few days of the relationship. However, when reality dawns that you will be spending probably the rest of your life with someone else, the novelty fades away.
Compatibility has very little to do with the success of any relationship. Differences in opinion will arise and priorities will differ. You’ll want the red Mercedes but they’ll prefer the black Range Rover. You’ll want your kids to attend a certain school but they’ll prefer a different institution for the kids. What do you do in such a situation?
The mature thing in such situations will be the willingness you display to sit down and evaluate the pros and cons of each major decision that will affect the relationship and the family at large.
Get into a relationship with the understanding that no one is perfect and that mistakes will be made every now and then. Understand your partner, compromise from time to time and make little adjustments so that you can be a better companion.
8. Am I working towards becoming a better and more attractive version of myself?
It is said that true love sees beyond the physical and that it looks on the inside. However, nobody wants to be with anyone who does not take good care of themselves, let alone spend the rest of their life with them.
The same way you desire a perfect partner who is healthy, fit, and well maintained is the same way everybody else does.
Becoming a better version of yourself takes a lot of discipline, patience, desire, and determination. Get yourself a membership at the gym closest to your place. Work out several times a week and you will automatically look better within a few months.
Change your wardrobe to have more decent and presentable clothes. Perhaps even more important than going to the gym is checking what you eat. Eat protein-rich meals and drink lots of water.
Working on your mind is as crucial as working on your body. Read books that will open your mind to new ways of thinking and arguing, watch insightful documentaries and make a habit out of the meeting and interacting with people who are where you want to be in life.
This not only builds your confidence but also inspires others to be better versions of themselves.
9. Do I fear rejection?
Rejection hurts. That’s the truth. Science suggests that rejection stimulates the part of the brain that physical pain activates. It is painful to imagine being turned down by someone especially after pouring your heart out to them.
Perhaps this is the reason why you haven’t allowed yourself to go out there and try your luck in the dating market.
Here’s what you need to understand. Rejection happens to everyone at some point in their lives. A friend will turn down your invitation to hang out or your boss will reject your awesome proposal because of some reason you don’t understand. Remind yourself constantly that rejection is just part of life and that not everything will turn out as you expected. You just need to put more effort into building your confidence.
You could also use rejection as a learning opportunity. Look deep inside and search if there’s anything you need to work on. Looking at rejection as a chance for growth can eliminate fear and significantly reduce the pain you feel.
What scares you most about rejection? The answer to this question could be the magic bullet you need to finally get rid of the fear of it. Maybe what you fear most is the thought of being lonely. Building a strong friendship could help you insulate yourself from these kinds of thoughts. Once you’ve conquered your fear, it becomes easy to ask someone out without the fear of rejection towering over you.
Remember; chances are high the other person most likely feels whatever you feel before you go out to meet them.
10. Do I fear letting people in?
The society that we live in has misled us to believe that romantic connections are instantaneous. This is not the case. A loving relationship takes time to build and it involves a lot of work from both sides.
It’s easy to wake up the morning after a date and say that “we’re just not compatible” without actually trying to make it work. Being vulnerable is very tough. Letting people in seems like an impossible task especially with today’s dating scene where everyone is in a hurry to move on to the next person. This is worsened by the countless dating apps on the internet.
We need to understand that these are just quick fixes to a long-term problem and that they won’t offer the solution that we all need; real connections, real relationships. rarely will you ever find true love on a dating app?
It’s time we let go of the fear of letting people in. The compatibility will only take your relationship so far.
Don’t allow movies to lie to you. Put in the work and you will eventually find that one person that you have been looking for and you will say goodbye to the single life.
11. Are there other things that I need to prioritize first before dating?
People often use relationships as a means of escaping reality in other areas of their life.
The tragedy in this is that these kinds of relationships tend to fail very fast. The idea that relationships can be used as some sort of crutch is very misleading and it has the potential to ruin your chances of attracting that special person you’ve been waiting for.
Could it be that the reason why all your relationships end in pain is that you are just not ready?
Having a healthy relationship with yourself isn’t the only component you need for success in the dating market. It’s possible that you could still be dealing with issues from your past relationship and they’re preventing you from manifesting the best version you could be. Or maybe it’s your bank account that’s the issue.
Studies have revealed that people looking to settle prefer settling with people who have their finances in order. One of the most common questions you’ll hear floating around when dating is, “What are you bringing to the table?”
People want partners who have something real to offer. It’s also very important to know where your mental and psychological health stands. One of the major reasons why relationships tend to fail is because we project our hidden issues on our partners instead of dealing with them ourselves.
This limits your ability to communicate effectively with your partner and ultimately kills the connection you once shared.
If you feel that there are issues that you need to deal with, take a break from dating and looking for love and work on solving your issues first. See someone if you have to, or join a self-help group. At the end of it all, you’ll be glad you decided to clear all baggage before moving on.
12. Do I go to bed too fast?
With the changing times, you would be tempted into thinking that going to bed with countless people is a surefire way to finding the love of your life. The thinking behind this is that the more people you have sex with the more you can test how compatible with
However, this could be doing more harm than good to your dating life. The modernization of society has made it possible to enjoy what relationships have to offer without the hassle of putting in the work. It’s become very easy to meet someone, exchange pleasantries, have one or two drinks with them and the next thing you know you’re waking up with them and after that, you’ll never see them again.
Sleeping with almost everyone you go out on a date with sends the message that you are too easy to get to and there is really no reason for them to try to work on having a relationship with you. When your standards are this low, it’s easy for anyone to get the benefits without committing.
If you find that you have a new date every week and none of them lead anywhere, it’s time to raise your standards. Intimacy feels good but intimacy with the right person hits a different kind of nerve.
13. Do I remember what it’s like to flirt?
The most sincere expression of affection and attraction towards someone is flirting. Being direct is considered by some to be the most important factor in the game of flirting. Otherwise, it will be impossible for your target to know if you’re interested in them.
It’s hard for any connection to make it past the friendship stage if there is an absence of sexual chemistry. Getting trapped in the friend zone is not hard if you don’t take it a step further and start flirting. Here are a few tips that will help you up to your game.
There’s nothing quite as sexy as confidence. It’s easy for your mark to take notice of you if your actions and your speech exude confidence. Second, show a little interest in their lives. We all love it when someone compliments us. Show genuine desire by asking them questions about their lives. This shows them that you care and they can’t help but look forward to having more conversations with you.
A trick that always works for me is drawing attention to my lips. As cheeky as this sounds, it works every time. Never let your crush see you with dry lips. Swipe a layer of lip gloss on before you come into contact with them. They will be dreaming about you all day.
When your crush is walking past you, it’s normal to pretend that you’re in a heated text conversation to avoid looking at them. If this happens to you, ignore your instincts. Instead, look deep into their eyes, smile, and say hi. And just like that, you’ll be on their mind constantly.
14. Do I really want to be in a relationship?
You have to want to be in a relationship to be successful in one.
It’s very possible that you could be giving off an energy that suggests that you’re not ready to commit which is why the relationships you’ve been in don’t work out. Remember also that not wanting to be in a relationship is still okay. Don’t let your friends or family pressure you into starting a relationship when you’re not ready.
Below is a list of questions that you need to ask yourself to ascertain if you’re ready to be in a
Ø Does loneliness creep in at night? If this happens to you after a long day, it could
be a sign that you need someone by your side.
Ø Do you feel like there’s a void in your life that needs to be filled? If you’re generally happy with the progress that you’ve made in life, your friendships are intact and fruitful and you are fulfilled, then a relationship could be the next thing for you.
Ø Does being single scare you? Perhaps you’ve been bombarded with countless questions from friends and family about when you’ll bring the right person home for thanksgiving or when you’ll get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or maybe you just got out of a relationship that you’ve been in since high school and you’re afraid of what life is going to be like now that you’re single again. Either way, evaluate your options carefully before plunging into a relationship out of fear.
Ø Are you interested in spending time with them? Being in a relationship means that you’ll invest time into it. If you feel that this is not you, perhaps you’re not ready to be in a relationship. If, on the other hand, you are even willing to sacrifice time you usually spend doing other things, then you’re ready to take a plunge.
15. Do I give other people a chance?
When people ask you out, are you quick to dismiss them or do you give them a chance?
At times remaining single is usually a result of denying other people the chance to get to know you better.
Consider trying a different approach next time a co-worker asks you out for drinks. Who knows? Some of the greatest love stories ever told began in unexpected ways.
If you open up, the right person might just get in there and end up being the one you’ve been looking for.
16. Do I know what they’re after?
One of the foundational aspects of any successful relationship is understanding. Studies reveal that couples who understand each other’s wants are more likely to have peace in their relationships than those who don’t know each other intimately.
For instance, if you’re a woman and you want to be in a successful relationship, you have to understand what men want. A man wants to be in a relationship where he will feel good about himself. This means pampering his ego from time to time by giving him some compliments about his physique or maybe his hustle.
For men, respect goes hand in hand with love. One cannot be without the other. Lack of respect for your man breeds anxiety and frustration among other things which will ultimately lead to a nasty breakup. Be careful not to belittle your man or, even worse, compare him to other men who are smarter, richer, or more masculine than him. Finally, while it’s normal to have friends of the opposite gender, men consider it disrespectful when you flirt with other people whether or not they are there to see it.
If you’re a man, on the other hand, understanding what your woman wants is crucial to the survival of your relationship.
Women want their men to be able to show patience, kindness, and compassion towards them. As a man, you need to understand that her tribulations are important to her and she needs you to be by her side through it all. For women, friendship in a relationship is very key. This means that she expects you to show her the same kind of patience that you show your closest friends. One of the most overlooked aspects of a relationship is emotional maturity. Women need a man who understands that brute strength doesn’t necessarily mean that you are intelligent. Sometimes you need to sit down and have a deliberation on the next step of your relationship as opposed to just imposing your will on her.
17. Am I improving as a person on a daily basis?
Is your current version the best you could possibly be for the world? Do you take sufficient care of your body to be regarded as physically beautiful by others? When you go out to meet your peers, do you have any interests, career plans, or goals that you can discuss?
When it comes to dating, the value proposition is key. When you meet an attractive person in the coffee shop by your office, what kind of conversation can you whip up to get them hooked?
What kind of first impression will you make? Are you confident that you can bring any kind of value to the relationship you’re hoping for? If not, then do something about it.
Chances are that if you’re above 25 and you’re still living in your parents’ house and all you have in your room is video games, it’ll be hard to meet the love of your life.
For you to attract the kind of partner you want, you must be the kind of person that they would be attracted to.
If you’ve had limited success in dating, it could mean that you need to take some time off and work on your personal growth and development.
18. Am I overly needy?
We all have a longing to be loved, cared for, and accepted just as we are. This is an innate need that all humans share. However, too much emotional neediness often leads to unhealthy dynamics, even in the strongest of relationships.
Psychologists have found out that neediness stems from various factors such as the kind of upbringing you had as a child, your attachment style, genetics, life experiences and, the relationships you’ve been in throughout your life. Neuroscientist Rachel S.F. Heller explains that there are three types of attachment styles;
Ø Secure. People who have this kind of attachment style tend to be warm and loving. They have been in a number of healthy relationships in their lifetime. They love being in intimate relationships. They also possess the ability to communicate with their partners in healthy ways.
Ø People with an avoidant attachment style are often dismissive and they do whatever they can to avoid closeness. They were most likely brought up in an environment where being needy was not tolerated.
Ø An anxious attachment style means that any romantic relationship brings out that needy side of your character. This can be unhealthy since neediness is very unattractive and you could even lose control of yourself and even your relationship. Dealing with neediness is not easy but the good thing is that with time you can bring it under control.
Awareness is the first key. The more you learn about your behavior, the more you gain insight into your personality and the sustainable changes that you can make to make you a better person. Creating space in a relationship is a very effective strategy in dealing with neediness. If need be, ‘force’ yourself to cut off communication for a while. Do this in small increments until you get to a point where you are mature enough to be alone.
After all, it’s unnecessary to chase the right person.
19. Do you abandon a relationship after a single mistake?
The online dating culture has made connection seem like a never-ending resource. The moment you feel that the conversation is heading nowhere, the solution is so simple. Just un-match and move on to the next guy or girl. If anything awkward happens in the middle of the conversation, all you have to do is ghost them and you’ll be meeting a new person in a matter of hours.
The problem with today’s dating scene is that it continues encouraging us that it’s okay to take advantage of people’s vulnerabilities and even take advantage of them. Instead of taking time to work through the first stages of a relationship, the ease of getting a new date has convinced people that the perfect match is just a click away. The movies we watch today have created an image in our minds where relationships are perfect. This is, however, not the case.
Research shows that even the happiest couples in the world had to overcome some awkward moments as they were first getting to know each other better. It’s okay not to like some things in a person’s behavior. This doesn’t mean, however, that your differences are impossible to work through.
We often find ourselves in situations where we pick out a character and we use that as an excuse to terminate a relationship before it even begins. This leaves us in a situation where we’re always crossing fingers hoping that this will be the last time we need to swipe right.
20. Do I meet new people constantly?
Finding time off your schedule to meet new people can be challenging.
However, self-isolation from the world can negatively impact your social life and significantly reduce your chances of ever meeting your special one.
Here are some tips that will help you strike a work-life balance:
Ø Focus on your strengths. It’s easy to find yourself engrossed in your work so much that you forget where you excel. Whatever it is you’re good at, work on it and outsource other responsibilities to experts. Don’t try to do all things because chances are high you will fail.
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Ø Have a strict schedule and stick to it. This is very important because it is where most people fail. Even if you’re running your own business, stick to a routine and it will help you even in making better decisions concerning your business. Don’t allow yourself to be engrossed too much in your work that you ignore other important aspects of your life.
Ø Find time out of your work to have some fun. This can include skiing, playing golf, or watching a boxing match. It helps refresh your mind and open you up to new ways of looking at things. Don’t let the technology fool you into thinking that since you can get a date by simply joining a dating site that that’s all it takes to have a meaningful relationship. Building a lasting and healthy relationship takes a lot more.
21. Do I enjoy myself while I’m single?
Have you already followed all the tips I’ve given above and you’re still single?
Don’t worry. It could just be taking some extra time but the right one will eventually show up.
While you’re waiting, it’s important to have fun while you’re still single. Not only does being single open you up to lots of ways of having fun, but it also gives you the space and opportunity to date the most important person in your life; you. Here are a few ways you can have fun while single.
Ø Be spontaneous. The joy of being alone is that you don’t have to consult someone every time you want to do something. If you want to get a new pet, who’s there to stop you? If you want to move to a new house next week, who’s there to stop you? When you’re single, yours are the only feelings that matter.
Traveling alone is one of the most rewarding decisions you could ever make. Visit new places that you’ve never been to before. You’ll discover that there is no better feeling than having the freedom to travel alone. You can save traveling together for your honeymoon.
Ø Spend time with the people that are most important to you. Being in a relationship means that we will be robbed of a lot of time that we used to spend with our friends and family. You could end up being in a few relationships over your lifetime but friends and family are here to stay. So why not spend quality time with them while you’re still single?
Ø Get a new hobby. Is there something you’ve been wanting to try but you just never got to starting? Well, could there be a better time than when you’re single? Quit procrastinating and just do it.
22. Do I have a tendency to fall in love with everyone?
One of the most classic signs of desperation is when you fall head over heels for every other person you meet. The truth is that no one wants to be with a desperate partner. That relationship will end sooner or later.
Here are a few tips that will help you keep your desperation in check.
Ø If you’re single, don’t make jokes about it. Making jokes about your status is a classic defense mechanism and it’s the easiest trap to fall into. Statements like, “Another weekend spent in bed…with my huggy bear.” This is an insecurity flag that, if not dealt with, could damage your chances of ever being in a relationship.
Ø Keep an eye on your alcohol intake. They say that a little liquid courage helps you loosen up. Drinking a little alcohol helps build up the confidence that you need to approach someone, that under normal circumstances, you wouldn’t. While one or two drinks may be necessary, too much intake spells insecurity and is an instant turn-off.
Ø Master the art of walking away. You’re at a social occasion and you happen to strike an interesting conversation with this good-looking stranger. You get so hooked up that you don’t want to let them out of your sight. When you get this feeling, walk away. Yes, you heard me; walk away. Go say hi to someone else.
Catch up with a long-lost friend, go to the bathroom. This move sends a clear message that they are not the only ones that you can talk to. It makes them have something worth looking forward to.
Ø Avoid I-stalking. After an awesome date, it’s normal to feel tempted to check out their social media accounts. Resist the temptation to go through all of their 1000 photos on Facebook. Find something else to do with your time instead.
Remember, there is nothing like “love at first sight.” It takes time to build a strong and long-lasting relationship.
23. What’s the timeline on my biological clock?
At what age should one be married? Different people will give different answers to this question depending on various factors. Some will say you should be settled by the age of 30 while some insist that you should already get married when you feel ready.
Society has painted a picture in our minds that the ideal age for marriage is 24-26 for women and 27-29 for men. However, we all know one or two people who got married at this ‘ideal’ age but their marriages fell apart after only a few years together.
So when is the right time, then?
There is no right time to get married. Don’t let society pressure you into walking into a marriage or relationship that you are not ready for. This is why a lot of marriages are failing. There are other priorities that you need to handle first before you can decide to settle. Maybe your finances are not yet in order, perhaps your mental space is not ready to handle living with someone.
Take your time and only say “I do” when ready.
24. Do I want kids?
This is a question that is normally overlooked by many as they start dating. It’s important, however, because kids bring with them added responsibilities. If you want to get into a relationship but don’t want kids, let your partner know. If they’re uncomfortable with it, maybe this isn’t just the time for you.
It’s also important to decide how many kids you want. Depending on your financial status, you could settle for just one or maybe two. Having more kids could mean that you would need to move to a bigger house and maybe you’re not ready for that.
25. What have I done with my single life?
What do I mean by this?
Well, some of you may have a list of things you want to accomplish before you settle; the so-called bucket list. Maybe you want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, or maybe you want to skydive from 18,000ft high in Santa Barbara, California. Perhaps you want to go to Africa and help with the Ebola outbreak in Nigeria.
Whatever it is, it could be an essential part of your character, and what some believe to be a calling.
Clearing it off your bucket list could bring you a step closer to being free to settle. Moving into a relationship with an unfinished bucket list could spell trouble for your dating life. The only unchecked item should be those that cannot be done, or you wish to do with your significant other.
26. Am I too defensive?
Most people who have been in hurtful relationships tend to be very defensive. With time, these experiences force us to subconsciously build varying levels of bitterness.
This is a process that begins early in our childhood where painful experiences cause us to be distrustful of affection and it later affects our adult dating life.
Say, for instance, that your parents or caregivers were always negligent or cold towards you. You will grow up never to trust anyone who shows you too much affection. Instead, you will mostly end up in relationships that recreate your hurtful past. This will put you in a relationship where your partner is distant and aloof.
Most people want someone with whom they can connect on an intimate level. Your past could be hindering you from finding the one. It helps if you talk to a specialist about what you went through in your childhood. This opens you up to more potential partners and possibly even a life partner.
27. Do I fear competition?
Fear of competition is often brought about by low self-esteem. It’s very easy to look at ourselves and say that we are not worthy, especially in dating. When we like someone, we easily tell ourselves that they could do better. If we see that someone else is interested in them, it’s easy to quickly back out.
Our unwillingness to compete could stem from various factors. Perhaps you feel that your time has already passed or maybe you’re too old to be doing this kind of stuff anyway.
Your fear of competition could prevent you from putting yourself out there. You could be afraid of looking like a fool if you’re not chosen. You could also feel that if you win, you will hurt someone else’s feelings.
The simple truth is that dating is very competitive. It feels scary to go for what we want. When we do get it, however, we feel proud of ourselves and of the fact that we decided to go after it. The end result is a stronger sense of self-worth and we also boost our chances of finding and building a relationship with the partner we truly want.
28. Do I have too many rules?
With the passage of time, we often construct dating rule books for ourselves. In effect, we write down the lessons we’ve learned over the years and make rules out of them. However, what looks good on paper rarely works in practice. Acting on rules that we’ve put up based on our past can often lead to a series of disappointing relationships.
One of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving relationship is to keep our options open. Yes, we may get injured, but by not taking risks, we limit our possibilities of meeting someone with whom we could truly share a future.
Relationship rules are often associated with game playing. They have the potential to cause us to act with less authenticity and sincerity as well as to lock ourselves from our own feelings. Staying open and honest, on the other hand, will lead to a far more genuine and long-lasting relationship.
Looking for love isn’t as easy as many people make it sound. This is why it’s important to combat the internal tendencies that prevent us from achieving our relationship goals.
◈ Signs you might be single forever ◈
If you’ve had a difficult time dating or finding a partner who’s willing to commit, you may be wondering whether you’re cut out for the single life. It’s difficult to accept the fact that you could be single for the rest of your life, yet some people have made peace with this fact and they actually prefer it that way.
According to a study by the Pew Research Center, approximately 7 in 10 Americans are married while the rest are single. Half the single population says they are content with being single for the rest of their lives at they are not dating or looking to be in a relationship at the moment. They cited that the main reason that they were single is that they just enjoyed being on their own.
If you feel that you are one of these people, the following signs might apply to you.
➠ You feel that no one can meet your standards
Some people just are happy being single because they have very high standards and they feel that no one can meet them.
If none of the people you’ve dated ever met your standards, this could mean that you were just not meant to be with anyone. Long-term relationships are not your thing.
➠ You enjoy your independence
Being in a relationship means that before you arrive at a decision, you have to run it by your partner first.
If you’re a person who wants to do whatever you want without having to consult someone else, remaining single maybe your best option.
➠ You’re happy with life
Many people believe that true happiness in life can only be achieved if you have a partner. However, this isn’t always true. You can be happy in life if you are fulfilled by other aspects of your life like hobbies, friendships, and even a career. There’s no reason to have a significant other if you are already happy.
➠ You are happiest when you are alone
Some people prefer to be alone because that is when they are happiest and they feel most fulfilled. They derive their joy from pursuing their passions and they do not feel the need to be tied down in a relationship. If this is you, then you’ll probably remain single indefinitely.
There are several reasons why you may be single forever. While some may be within your control, others may be totally beyond you.
For instance, it could be that you are just happy being single. That is just who you are. On the other hand, you can choose to change some things like lowering standards to accommodate potential partners.
◆ Ways to be happy even if you’re single forever
While a happy and healthy relationship has its perks, rarely do we consider the benefits of being alone.
According to relationship specialist Babita Spinelli, there are a number of ways through which one can still be happy even when single.
➺ Date yourself.
Consider this as a time where you enjoy all the benefits of being in a relationship; only that you’re doing all this to yourself. Buy flowers for yourself, take yourself to the movies, and take yourself to dinner dates. This is also a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself better.
➺ Make new single friends and spend time with them.
This is especially important if you’re just beginning to navigate the ropes of being single. Having friends who understand what being single really entails can help you ease off the pressure and have fun.
➺ Pay attention to your personal self-care
Personal self-care can be in various forms. For some, it could be going to the gym while for others it could be reading books. Whatever it is, make sure that it becomes a priority.
➺ Learn about yourself
Spinelli says that this is a very important time for you to practice self-compassion and self-inquiry.
She adds that taking the time to learn about who you really are is beneficial in that it allows you to figure out the direction that you want your life to take. Take the time to learn about your emotions, attachment style, and inner voice. It helps to work with a coach.
➺ Set goals for yourself and concentrate on your development
Being single presents a unique opportunity to support ourselves, set our own goals, and be accountable for our own decisions. Use this time to reflect on the steps you’ve taken to be where you are today and the things you could have done better. Take time to set new goals and strategize on how you’re going to achieve them.
❂ Ways to find happiness after 40 ❂
Let’s face it; nobody wants to grow old. There are all kinds of things that happen when you grow old; your hair turns gray, your body begins to ache, your teeth fall off, and needless to say, none of these things excite you. This isn’t to say though, that you can’t still enjoy life even with gray hair. Here are a few ways to keep life enjoyable even when you’re above 40.
➔ Join a dance class.
A study conducted by the Queensland University of Technology in conjunction with the Queensland Ballet shows that taking ballet classes has a significant effect on people above 40 years.
Of the applicants who were involved in the study, those who were in the ballet exhibited higher energy levels, immense feelings of happiness, and were proud of their accomplishments.
➔ Take more selfies.
As silly as this sounds, it is actually a proven method of increasing one’s happiness especially, as the years go by. In fact, the Psychology of Well Being published a study a few years back that shows that taking just one selfie a day improves your mood significantly and increases your confidence in your smile.
➔ Organize charity events
The Journal of Nature Communications published research in 2018 stating that people who show generosity exhibit higher activity in their ventral striatum. This is a section of the brain that is directly associated with the reward system.
Get together with the folks in your neighborhood and visit the nearest shelter and take some food and clothing items with you. There is joy in giving.
➔ Have regular sleeping patterns
Are you constantly experiencing negative thoughts? If yes, then your sleep patterns are most likely to blame. According to a study published in the Journal of Cognitive Therapy and Research, people who go to sleep past midnight tend to experience a lot of negative thoughts that prevent them from experiencing joy in their lives. The solution is to go to sleep at around 10 pm and to make sure you sleep for eight hours.
◉ Disadvantages of being single ◉
While the freedom of being single can be a lot of fun for most people, there are often tons of
disadvantages associated with it.
➸ Social pressures can be overwhelming.
This is especially so when one gets to a certain age. Some parents expect their daughters to already be married at the age of 25 while their sons should have their families by 30 years. If you have chosen a life of solitude be ready to deal with these kinds of pressures from your family and friends.
➸ Having kids requires that you have a partner first
In today’s world, it has become possible to have children without necessarily having sex.
However, research shows that kids who grow up in houses where both their parents are present have higher chances of making it in life.
Single-life means that you will have to live without kids or risk bringing them up alone.
➸ Intimacy deficits can be a concern
Another disadvantage of being single is that you don’t get to experience intimacy as much.
In fact, for most people, the physical aspect of a relationship is very key to the survival of and happiness in a relationship. This may be absent if you’re single.
Sure, you can always go out and look for other people to date. However, you could not be emotionally linked and intimately invested in short-term relationships.
➸ Over time, people may become socially isolated
Single people hardly go out anymore to social places. It’s also rare for them to attend social occasions.
They mostly spend most of their time at home or at the office working.
However, this can be detrimental because it can lead to social isolation. They, therefore, become vulnerable to emotional suffering because they lack human contact.
Types of men you should avoid
Being in the dating market means that you will meet lots of different men. Of course, there are very many who are loving, caring, and understanding, and who will blow your mind off, and who are willing to be in a long-term relationship. However, there are a few different personalities that you should keep away from if you don’t want to be heartbroken. Rarely will you ever find any of these men in fulfilling relationships?
➤ The selfish guy
Does the guy you’re dating only care about himself? Does he put his interests first always? Does he show little to no interest in you? Does he see himself as the next James Bond?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then you need to dump him and move on.
This kind of man has a bloated ego and doesn’t believe that there’s a more important person in the world. Confidence is attractive. However, being with someone who has an inflated sense of self just isn’t worth it. He could care less about things that matter to you.
➤ The liar
Dating someone who isn’t honest can be emotionally taxing. The liar will often make promises but he will never keep them, he will make up false stories, and he will never tell you who he really is. When he freely deceives you, this is a red flag that you cannot trust him, and for any relationship to truly flourish, you have to be able to rely on your partner to be open with you. If the guy you’re dating fits this profile, it’s time to bid that relationship goodbye.
➤ The player
If you really like the man you’re dating, you’ll naturally feel that you’re ready to move the relationship to the next level. If you’re dating a player, however, the next level will only exist in your head.
A player will always make sure that your relationship will only remain on a superficial level. he shows very little interest in having a long-term relationship with you. He will ever be vague about his movements and every attempt to make him introduce you to his friends and family will be met with all sorts of excuses.
There’s really no cure for dating a player other than dumping him and resuming to search for a partner who is interested in a committed relationship.
➤ The emotionally unavailable guy
Dating a detached man who is emotionally unavailable is challenging.
It’s hard for him to open up to you, show you his vulnerabilities, or share what’s on his mind. If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, then you would rather avoid this type of man because he will never let you in. He will always keep you at arm’s length his guard will always be up.
If you’re with this type of guy, your relationship will be stunted because you will never get to know the real him.
➤ The controlling guy
The controlling guy will always tell you the kind of clothes you can and cannot wear. He will always be dominant and intimidating. He will tell you who you can and can’t talk to. Dating this kind of man can be challenging because you will never truly express who you really are. If at any moment you feel like you’re being manipulated or bullied, you need to cut ties immediately because this could even escalate into cases of domestic abuse. The only person who decides what you can and cannot do should be you.
Why do guys remain single?
A study by Cyprus University has revealed some of the most common reasons why men stay single despite there being a very high man to women ratio. The study was based on a Reddit thread where men responded to a random question by a user; “Guys, why are you single?”
Below are the most common reasons men gave for their remaining single.
A lot of men in the study felt that their looks weren’t good enough to catch a woman’s attention. Most men cited being short and baldness as the primary reason why they were still single. They, however, feel that this should not be a determining factor as they possess other characters such as confidence which women seem to find irresistible.
Of the tens of thousands of men that responded to the post, 600 of them admitted that they were still single because they lacked the confidence to approach women, even the ones they liked.
Very low interest in relationships
A good number of men said that they were just not interested in relationships. Some argued that flying solo isn’t wise but research shows there are plenty of benefits to remaining single.
Poor flirting skills
Some guys revealed their frustrations when they said they were still single because they haven’t mastered the art of picking up women. They also added that they are unable to pick up on signals given by women and that when they do it’s already too late.
Negative experiences from past relationships
If you’ve been in a toxic relationship previously, your natural instinct will be to avoid getting into any more relationships. As you begin the next phase of your life, remember to always be in the company of people who remind you of the goodness of life.
Is being single forever healthy
Many experts have argued that the choice to remain single forever could do you more harm than good. However, more research has shown us that many people have chosen to follow this path and they are doing okay.
There are numerous advantages to being single, the most powerful of which is that you get to do things on your own terms. A recent study revealed that this is the primary reason why people prefer to remain single. Other reasons cited include the need to focus on following one’s passions and fear of rejection.
Social scientist Bella DePaulo, who is an expert on singledom, says that single people are happier, healthier, and more attractive than their married peers. She adds that single people seem to be more connected to their communities when compared to their married peers.
Is it possible to stay single forever?
Research conducted by social scientists from Harvard discovered that remaining single forever is a real possibility.
Remaining forever single simply means that you prefer not to be in a relationship for various reasons. Maybe you just like your freedom or you prefer not to run your decisions by anyone or you want to clear all items on your bucket list before settling. Whatever your reason is, it’s possible to remain single for the rest of your life.
The bottom line
There are countless people all over the world who have chosen to remain forever single for various reasons. Some are just busy following their passions while others are afraid of rejection.
This doesn’t have to be your story, however. you don’t have to wake up every day asking yourself the same question over and over again; “Will I be single forever?” If you lack the time to go out and meet new people, you could simply create a work-life balance that will allow you to have a life outside the office.
Remaining forever single is a decision that you needs careful consideration. While some people are content with staying alone forever, others are comfortable being the third wheel in a relationship. However, you will often find that they lack essential things that a relationship offers, such as intimacy.
This is why the choice to be alone forever requires that one be ready to sacrifice the benefits of being in a relationship.
If you’re one of those people who feel that you need intimacy to be productive, a serious relationship could be the thing for you.
In today’s society, going out to meet someone has been made so easy thanks to things like online dating where a user simply signs up to a dating app and swipes right to find a potential partner. However, the causal nature of online dating makes it hard to find a potential partner with whom you can have a serious relationship.
Today, you’ll fall head over heels for a guy only for him to ghost you after the first date. Thus begins a cycle of endless swiping. You realize that finding love on the first date, which would later lead to you being happily married was just a fantasy and it’s not happening in real life.
The most important thing in this conversation is choosing the right partner. While it’s good to have expectations and standards that you expect a potential partner to meet before settling with them, it’s more important to keep your options open when matters of love and relationships are concerned.
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