How often do you find yourself becoming distant towards your spouse or someone important in your life because you feel as though they haven’t placed you in the position you feel you deserve? How simple it becomes for us to feel angry or disappointed that we aren’t on the pedestal our egos say we deserve to be on. Doesn’t take long for our pride to jump up and say, “You must not love me anymore because you stopped doing for me.” Before you allow that the feeling to eat away at you, stop for a minute and think. When did you last do something extra nice for your partner? What Is A Healthy Relationship?
Score Keeping
One of the most common mistakes a couple can make is scorekeeping. Whether it be good scorekeeping or bad, the slate needs to remain clean at all times. What have you done for me lately? Often couples get into the bad habit of using things against one another, such as who does the most for the other. There will be times in most relationships where one can do more for the other. You know the saying; “Karma will come calling” because you get what you give? Nothing is truer in a relationship than this statement. If you show affection to your mate, chances are that is what you will get in return. You may not obtain it exactly when you want it, but does that make your partner wrong and you, right? Of course not. What this means is, life doesn’t revolve around you and understanding is an essential virtue in any healthy relationship.
Double Standards
Not too long ago, I had wasted several days pouting, having my own pity-party feeling neglected by my significant other. He had time to do everything, laugh with everyone except me. He would come home for lunch; neither of us would speak, then back to work he would go. I would remain furious for the rest of the day. Again, in the evening he would come home from work. He would spend all afternoon doing his thing, and I spent my time on my laptop working. I felt there was no reason not to work if this was the way he was going to act.
Over The Edge
All this continued for a couple of days until the weekend came around, and I was going to drive the kids on a fun trip to see a waterfall. I had been stomping around, giving short answers and a lot of attitude when he spoke. I wanted him to know I was upset. He decided he wasn’t going with us on our family trip, which threw me over the edge. That night I had all I could handle and chose to write him a letter telling him just how I felt neglected and hurt by his actions.
You Get What You Give
After he had read my “poor me story,” he got up and went into our bedroom. I just knew I had angered him this time. He came back out later with a 3-page handwritten letter pointing out many things to me where I had failed to see his efforts. There was the time he asked to take me to dinner, but I had deadlines to make. Then a couple of times he gently eased up behind me while I washed dishes and kissed me on my neck that I failed to acknowledge while in my moment of anger.
Loved and Appreciated
I felt horrible and realized I had given so little to him, yet I expected so much in return. I wanted all his attention, but my work came first. We sat down together, talked and made some changes. We give and take as a couple now, making sure the other feel loved, wanted, and appreciated.
