‘In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us.’ Dr. Sue Johnson Will you be there for me? According to Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), most arguments in relationships are protests over emotional disconnection. Underneath the fights, partners are wondering: Are you there for me? Can…
We all need emotional connection. Humans have a natural desire for connecting with others. Whether that’s with a relative, a partner, a friend, or a coworker, it satisfies the common emotional needs of being included, having a sense of control over our lives, and being liked. When these needs are met, people experience well-being and…
The line between love and hate, passion, and pain (especially if you have experienced trauma)can feel as thin as a sliver. The reasons for this are complex, but what is essential to know is thatwhen researchers put two strangers on a perilous, swinging bridge together, the strangers aremore likely to be attracted to one another…
Mothers give birth not just to a child, but to a family. You have been a shining example of this, Bjørg. As you approach 90 with white hair, your hands trembling more than they used to when grasping your coffee cup, the fear of losing you intensifies with each visit and conversation. I look back…
Does your effort to support your partner spiral into arguments? Maybe you can relate to Elena and Tom below. Elena: (Sighs) Today was… overwhelming. It felt like everything that could go wrong,did. Tom: At least it’s over now, right? I’m sure it’ll be better tomorrow. Elena: (Feeling misunderstood). It’s not just about having a bad…
Parenting fatigue, also known as parental burnout is a mental health issue many parentsexperience. To define it simply; parenting fatigue is when the responsibilities of parenting addup and create excess stress that causes mental and physical health symptoms. This in turnmakes it hard to continue the role of parenting. It can be a downward cycle…
In any relationship, it’s natural to encounter challenges and conflicts. But what happens when those conflicts turn toxic? Gaslighting and stonewalling are not the same thing, but both can wreak havoc on a relationship. It’s crucial to understand the difference between these two behaviors so that you can decide how to react when or if…
We are so sad to announce that Sue Johnson has died at the age of 76 from cancer. She was a close friend of ours and a valued colleague. We loved her enormously. She gave us profound insights into how to create connection and safety in close relationships. Sue used attachment theory to brilliantly illuminate…
I lay in my husband’s arms, a small spoon nestled within his big. His arm is draped around me and his large palm rests over my heart. I sigh with contentment. The worries of the day seep into my pillow and tight muscles soften as my heartbeat slows down. This is the tantalizing, healing power…
In the 1970’s and 1980’s, two pioneers in marital research were quietly gathering data on how to create happy lasting relationships. Dr. John Gottman’s and Dr. Susan Johnson’s research was initially known mostly among academic circles because therapists were still afraid of doing couples therapy. Gottman’s and Johnson’s research brought an unprecedented empirical foundation to…
