Have you been attempting to control your partner without realizing it? Have you ever justified taking on your partner’s emotional, relational, financial, or logistical responsibilities with: “I can do it better and/or more quickly, so I might as well just do it myself.” “They aren’t making it a priority, so I have to do the…
Undefinable and indescribable If you’ll suffer with me as I attempt to define and describe for you what has seemingly become the undefinable and the indescribable that is….. ‘RELATIONSHIP. Nothing tangible, sometimes not even our health, is left when we’ve lost everything. Relationships are all we have left. What is the purpose of life if not a…
Relationship conflict is complex. Sometimes, conflicts are only about the “here and now” issue. That means that you are truly fighting about what you are fighting about. It’s “I left your favorite creamer out, it spoiled, no coffee, and now you are upset with me.” It doesn’t go much deeper than that. This type of…
What level of involvement do you have in the relationship? How involved are you in your personal relationships? What level of involvement do you have in the relationship? I’m not referring to being physically present, because that is a given. I’m referring to the fact of being cognitively, emotionally, and spiritually invested in your romantic partner.…
It may surprise you to learn that happier couples do not argue less than unhappy couples. What distinguishes the two groups is that happy couples repair during and after a fight, whereas in unhappy relationships, partners tend to escalate negativity by using criticism, contempt, defensive, and stonewalling (The Four Horsemen). Repairs are ways to tap…
Of all your relationships, the one you have with your romantic partner likely requires more work. To stay happily together long term, you need to put effort into things like attunement and managing conflict—and that’s in addition to handling outside stressors like work and finances as a team. With so much going in the world,…
Has this happened to you? You’re enjoying takeout from your favorite place and remark, “This restaurant food is good, isn’t it?” Your partner replies, “You have never appreciated my cooking.” Or you express your opinion like, “We need a vacation. It’s been long since we went out together” and it is met with “What should…
There is an urge to make individual changes during this time of year. Part of this urge is natural and other parts are thrust upon us by society. How does this affect romantic relationships? As you start to make resolutions and/or goals for the new year, when and HOW do you include your partner? Let’s…
Here at The Gottman Institute, we are proud of the content and resources we provide to help you have a better relationship with your partner and your loved ones. This year millions of you came to The Gottman Relationship Blog to learn more about conflict management, staying connected, having better sex, and looking for the…
The wonders of the holidays feel special for those who are newly engaged or celebrating for the first time as newlyweds. Couples can feel happy and potentially anxious about how to use them as a springboard to make meaningful memories and celebrate them in a way that uniquely defines them as a couple. Traditions: Past,…
