Grace was fourteen years old when her father, John, married Kate. In her view, she had little control over the events unfolding in her life, including her father remarrying and starting a new family quickly. Even though Kate seemed nice enough and she really loved her dad, it still didn’t seem fair to Grace that…
Listen to the Gottmans discuss the big and small things you can do to have a happy relationship Here at the Gottman Institute, we know that our founders Drs. John and Julie Gottman are sought-after speakers and podcast guests around the world. Recently, they had the opportunity to speak to Dan Harris at the Ten…
What an amazing fourth season we had of the Small Things Often podcast. We here at The Gottman Institute are proud to present informative, yet short resources that help you improve your relationships. This season we ventured into more episodes for parents and caregivers while still providing couples with the tools they need to love…
Any conversation between us explodes. It’s like, “Who can belittle each other more” He looks at me with these smug straight eyes that say, You can talk all you want. I don’t care. It is so condescending. I almost laugh at my partner’s defensiveness. I know that it will escalate the conflict, but I can’t…
When you need to complain to your partner about something they’re doing or a situation you both are in, it’s easy for things to go sideways. From tone to word choice, you could offend them in a number of different ways. The chances of what you say coming off as criticism are high. It may…
A question often asked when learning about the Four Horsemen is: are stonewalling and the silent treatment the same thing? The answer I give is yes and no. There are definitely some similarities between the two but also a big difference I see as well. Stonewalling is when someone emotionally shuts down and withdraws from…
Dr. John Gottman’s research identified four behaviors destructive to relationships. These behaviors predicted relationship instability and unhappiness. He coined them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Let’s do a deep dive into the first horsemen. The First Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Criticism Criticism is the first because it is…
This article originally was published by the Child Mind Institute Witnessing a parent in a state of anxiety can be more than just momentarily unsettling for children. Kids look to their parents for information about how to interpret ambiguous situations; if a parent seems consistently anxious and fearful, the child will determine that a variety of…
Even in a healthy relationship, mistakes, carelessness, and conflict are inevitable. The right repairs at the right time can make all the difference. Resolve disagreements and get your message through by finding common ground, sharing when you feel persuaded, and stating when you need to take a break or when you feel that you’re both…
Do you relate to one of the two scenarios below for yourself or your partner? Scenario 1:“She never understands me. In the past, also, no one understood me.”“No one ever gave me attention.”“He does not talk to me for days. Even when he doesn’t treat me well, I continue to care for him.”“I can do…
