Conflict about finances is a major relationship stressor for many couples. In fact, money is one of the most common things couples argue about. Financial issues can take its toll on a relationship, and arguments about money are a leading cause of divorce. When couples fight over money, they tend to blame each other leading…
When I meet with a new couple, I always ask: How do you self-soothe during and outside ofconflict? While some report having strategies for self soothing, many do not, and very few of mycouples report using any strategies during conflict discussions. When emotion regulation skillsaren’t used during conflict, many couples experience dysregulation. When we are…
Embarking on a journey into sex therapy is a step toward improving one of the most intimate and rewarding (yet often confusing and tricky!) aspects of human experience. As a psychotherapist specializing in relationships and sex, I’ve had the privilege of guiding many individuals, couples, and polycules through this transformative process. Here are some insights…
They were perfectly matched in so many ways. She was a young lawyer (land use law) and so was he (media rights). They were both Midwest transplants to Seattle. They were busy and ambitious, and loved to pack their free time with new experiences. When they first met, they’d venture out someplace new every weekend.…
Valentine’s Day has a negative (and controversial) reputation as an American holiday for its sentimentalism and commercialization. It is an especially sensitive topic in the field of relationship psychology. Despite its reputation, it’s a great opportunity to do something a little special with your partner. The best gift you can give your partner is a…
“Alexander, don’t forget Valentine’s,” my friend’s words echoed as the call ended. In the chaos of long workdays, these words faded into the back of my mind. My partner at the time, who was French, was expecting a celebration I had overlooked. Caught in my routines, I had let Valentine’s Day slip my mind, leading…
Rom-coms often portray couples as perfect soulmates, effortlessly compatible. But in real life, relationships need work. How do these movies connect to what Gottman’s research tells us about relationships? Rom-coms Spark Our Imagination Rom-coms sometimes showcase impossibly “perfect” lovers, and we get the idea that these made-up stories represent real feelings in relationships before we…
When two people have been in a committed relationship for a long time, a certain sense of familiarity develops. If the partners in this relationship have lost the feeling of closeness, romance, or sexual attraction, that sense of familiarity can turn negative. What resembles a marriage without romance, sexual energy, or intimacy? A sibling or…
Overcontrol, defined as excessive or maladaptive self control, can lead to significant problemsin our relationships. People with overcontrolled traits may not realize their behaviors arecontributing to relationship problems, or may not know how to make changes. Having the abilityfor high self-control isn’t bad; it can be a very good thing. People with high self control…
Most of us have become somewhat familiar with the concept of gaslighting. It’s a cruel and malicious form of emotional abuse used to make someone question themselves and their own sanity by distorting the truth – or outright lying – in order to skew things in your favor. For example, when Linda found evidence of…
