In counseling — and in life, in general! — we talk a lot about emotions. But have you ever considered why you engage with and process your emotions (or don’t) the way you do? Lately, in my practice, I have become increasingly aware of how important it is to understand our partner’s view of emotions.…
‘Small things often’ is Dr. John Gottman’s motto which refers to the impact of everyday small actions on the wellbeing and longevity of your relationship. Certified Gottman Therapist Kimberly Panganiban, LMFT discussed this idea in a recent webinar for The Gottman Institute. She begins with the concept of ‘bids’ which are any gesture that signals…
One of the toughest times of year for families who are co-parenting after divorce is the holiday season.Let’s face it, it can be a challenge for divorced parents to let go of grudges and bad memories of pastholidays. For the recently divorced parent, the holidays can be an emotional, stressful, and perhaps alonely time of…
Life is busy. Our romantic relationships usually start with a lot of passion and exciting intimacy but often times fades over time as the rigors of life kick in. Roommate syndrome is the term used to describe this dynamic in couples where their relationship has become an arrangement lacking romantic love and affection. Roommate problems…
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable? What about someone who was emotionally exhausting? People give up on finding “the one” after experiencing a relationship or two with someone who has either style. Self-doubt sets in and you think, “something must be wrong with me.” To understand this phenomenon…
One of the challenging behaviors we are seeing in couples therapy is gaslighting. While it has become a cliche term, this set of behaviors is becoming more common in couples therapy. What is Gaslighting? The American Psychological Association definition of gaslighting is to manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding…
What are perpetual problems? Perpetual problems are the problems we argue about over and over again. They are part of the⅔ of problems that never get solved in our relationships according to John Gottman’s research.It can be so frustrating to feel like you are having the same fight all the time. It’s hard to feel…
In the blog post ‘Parenting Together: Getting on the Same Page,’ my husband David Taylor-Klaus writes: Imaginary conversations killed our marriage—almost. During ourfirst decade as parents, so many of the ‘conversations’ Elaine and I hadabout expectations around parenting were imaginary . . . When one parentfeels like s/he is doing it alone, resentment builds. Communicationgrinds…
Do you and your partner struggle with flooding and conflict avoidance? You might think that by avoiding potential conflict that you have a good relationship. It sounds good to be the couple that never fights but couples who tend to avoid conflict often still find themselves in counseling. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as…
Nothing quite prepares you for what it’s like to go through a divorce when you have children. While the statistics say somewhere between 40-50% of adults will have to navigate this terrain at some point in their lives, when you embark on it, when it finally happens, your divorce can feel excruciatingly unique. Painfully individual.…
