One of the challenging behaviors we are seeing in couples therapy is gaslighting. While it has become a cliche term, this set of behaviors is becoming more common in couples therapy. What is Gaslighting? The American Psychological Association definition of gaslighting is to manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding…
What are perpetual problems? Perpetual problems are the problems we argue about over and over again. They are part of the⅔ of problems that never get solved in our relationships according to John Gottman’s research.It can be so frustrating to feel like you are having the same fight all the time. It’s hard to feel…
In the blog post ‘Parenting Together: Getting on the Same Page,’ my husband David Taylor-Klaus writes: Imaginary conversations killed our marriage—almost. During ourfirst decade as parents, so many of the ‘conversations’ Elaine and I hadabout expectations around parenting were imaginary . . . When one parentfeels like s/he is doing it alone, resentment builds. Communicationgrinds…
Do you and your partner struggle with flooding and conflict avoidance? You might think that by avoiding potential conflict that you have a good relationship. It sounds good to be the couple that never fights but couples who tend to avoid conflict often still find themselves in counseling. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as…
Nothing quite prepares you for what it’s like to go through a divorce when you have children. While the statistics say somewhere between 40-50% of adults will have to navigate this terrain at some point in their lives, when you embark on it, when it finally happens, your divorce can feel excruciatingly unique. Painfully individual.…
In the realm of relationships, our choices and actions can be driven by two fundamental emotions: love or fear. While fear may seem like a natural response to protect ourselves, operating from a place of love can have a transformative impact on our relationships. By consciously choosing love over fear, we can nurture healthy connections,…
To a seasoned couples therapist, the telltale signs of a relationship in crisis are universal. While every marriage is unique with distinct memories and stories, how it looks at its core (the anatomy so-to-speak) adheres to certain truths. We know the bones of love, what builds trust (and breaks it), what fosters connection (and disconnection) from the work of…
One of the most common of the Four Horsemen is criticism. The Four Horsemen are what Dr. John Gottman calls the dynamics in a relationship that can lead to relationship distress, demise and potentially divorce. Criticism is when one partner attacks the other person’s character not just an action or behavior. It often sounds like…
The next time you are sitting next to your partner and are tempted to look at your phone, turn towards your partner instead of a screen and have a conversation. Even if it is just a check in about how your day was, it can have a positive impact on your relationship. Technology has come…
Based on Dr. Dana McNeil’s webinar ‘How To Be a Successful Couples Therapist’ on August 3, 2023. While it may be obvious that couples therapy is different than individual therapy, one can not underestimate the skills it takes to work with a couple. Not only are there two individual personalities to work with but also…
