The bride of my youth is delighted that I’m writing about defensiveness. She’s been chuckling under her breath at me all week. “How’s your article coming?” she asks. “I’m not exactly sure what to write,” I say. “Just write about yourself,” she teases. You see, I get defensiveness. Which is to say, I get defensive. Often. Defensiveness,…
“Teamwork makes the dreamwork” – John C. Maxwell When I first had children, like so many mothers in this patriarchal society, I tried to do it all. I thought it was a sign of a “good mother” to be with my children all the time or at least as much as humanly possible. I rarely…
One of the hardest things to do in a relationship is to be nice to your partner when you’re upset with them. It’s also one of the most important moments to be kind. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that couples who start arguments gently are more likely to manage conflict effectively, without harming the relationship. In…
In the foreword to my book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, famed researcher on emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman, writes: These are hard times for children, and so for parents. There has been a sea change in the nature of childhood over the last decade or two, one that makes it harder for children to learn the basic…
Just recently, on my way home from my private practice, I stopped by a doctor’s office to thankthem for their recent referrals. On my way in, I picked up a mask by their front desk and put iton. As we all know by now, these medical masks have a particular smell. That’s when it all…
Almost everyone I know has heard about John Gottman and the Four Horsemen. When I say almost everyone, I’m talking about friends, couples in my practice, Lyft drivers, and people I strike up conversations with on airplanes. John Gottman and the Four Horsemen have crept into the culture. When one of us mentions the Four…
The following is from the book “Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive” by author Shana James. An Updated, Honest Definition of Sex When we expand our definition and understanding of sex, not only are we likely to have more of it, but we start to discover new possibilities. Beyond…
No matter how much you love your partner, if you’re in a long-term relationship, you won’t always see eye-to-eye. That may sound like too bold a statement, but it’s the truth. Regardless of how in sync you may be, no two human beings will always agree on everything. In fact, the ability to challenge each…
Example: Sara and Gabriel Sara steps into my office with her partner, Gabriel. (**Please note, these are fictional names to demonstrate a common conflict experience between parters). They’ve been arguing about remodeling their house. Particularly, they’re having trouble reaching compromise about how big their kitchen and dining room should be. Gabriel feels he “can’t please…
Originally published November 27, 2022 on Hailey Magee’s blog I’m being dead serious when I say that the distinctions in this article have been the most important thing I’ve learned in my work setting boundaries. If you feel confused about why your boundaries aren’t working—or struggle to understand the difference between a request, a boundary,…
