Dating can be difficult and at times you may want to give up. Research shows that fulfilling relationships and connecting with the meaningful people in your life are the keys to better health and increased happiness. Humans are social creatures. We crave connection with others, and we cannot discount the importance of social connections and…
National Domestic Violence Hotline If you’re in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224. You can also visit the website. Most people try to avoid conflict at all costs. However, even in healthy relationships, things can escalate. It is hard to navigate through an environment…
You value transparency and open, honest, communication. So it boils your blood when someone appears angry but doesn’t admit it directly. Maybe they give you the silent treatment but then tell you they’re just tired. Or, they say something nice with a lack of warmth. It doesn’t seem authentic, but they get defensive when you…
Love always triumphs In the relationship between God and humans, love is the connecting energy. If that connection is established, the fact of the unity of all beings becomes a reality. As a result, love triumphs over all forms of anger and other unpleasant emotions. We bring about peace wherever we send love to others.…
When Deborah, 38, and Scott, 39, (*not their real names) sat on the couch in my office during a couples counseling session, they described their pursuer-distancer pattern. Deborah seeks more connection and affirmation than Scott is comfortable giving. When Deborah makes demands, Scott retreats because he feels criticized and unworthy. Deborah put it like this,…
While play can provide space for new beginnings and exploration, it can also give us the chance to be reminded of our “why” and gain perspective in the midst of the muck and messiness of life. While writing this book, I experienced one of the most intense seasons of burnout in my life. The convergence…
Defensiveness At its core, defensiveness is a way to protect our ego and a fragile self-esteem. Our research team member Ellen Alley explains that our self-esteem is considered fragile when our failures, mistakes, and imperfections decrease our self-worth. In our work, the opposite of a fragile self-esteem is grounded confidence. With grounded confidence, we accept…
In my Bringing Baby Home training 15 years ago, I learned, as a new mother, about the importance of accepting influence as one of Dr. John Gottman’s Four Steps of Constructive Problem Solving. That said, I discovered personally and professionally that Gottman’s advice to “find out your partner’s subjective reality and validate it” may be…
So, you have been referred for family therapy by your counselor. Or perhaps you’ve finally reached the end of the constant conflict and started looking for someone to mediate. Either way, family therapy can be new terrain for many people. Do you feel fear and trepidation that the therapist is going to “nail” you as…
You’ve been together for a while now. Feels like the bad days outnumber the good. Maybe you’re living more like roommates than lovers and the spark you once had is fading. In your mind, you gave it your best shot. Perhaps you’ve even contemplated what it might be like to start over with someone new.…
